i haven't been an insomniac in a while. it is 4am and i have to be up in 3 hours. i needed something to do to kill time or make me sleepy so i just looked for random pictures that went with the lyrics to my favorite Foo Fighters song, "Times Like These." you should listen to it as you enjoy the pictures.

I am a one way motorway


I�m the one that drives away


Then follows you back home


I am a street light shining


I�m a wild light blinding bright


Burning off alone



It�s times like these you learn to live again


It�s times like these you give and give again


It�s times like these you learn to love again


It�s times like these time and time again


I am a new day rising


I�m a brand new sky


To hang the stars upon tonight


I am a little divided


Do I stay or run away


And leave it all behind?


It�s times like these you learn to live again


It�s times like these you give and give again


It�s times like these you learn to love again


It�s times like these time and time again



Thought of the Day: It's times like these you learn to regret napping during the day again.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-Times Like These

i hate driving. i hate trucks. i hate broken computers. i hate family responsibilites.

we sang "God is so good" at christian academy today. i hadn't heard that song in so long that i honestly wanted to cry when we sang it together. 4 simple words. 1 profound statement. but i think what's even more profound are the last 5 words-"He's so good to me." think about everything you hate for just a minute and sing the song in your head or aloud. i think even if it's just for a moment, you can forget about every trouble or dislike when you sing that song. sing it, edu. sing it, esther bang. sing it, phil!

Thought of the Day: Hyung.
Song of the Day: Notorious BIG-I Got A Story To Tell

man, i gotta keep this thing alive.



my good friend, justin, turned 22 the other day. it's weird how 22 seems so much older than 21. i know everybody says this but, dang, we're getting old(er). i was just emailing doe and was telling her that i wish i could just have ONE day where i don't have a single thing to do. "not a single student, lesson plan, family activity, thing to fix, person to email *HINT HINT*, nothing. i just want to sleep in, eat some of my mom's food, and sit on my butt all day...kinda like the description from Office Space." man, a lot of growing up involves being busier and busier with more and more responsibilities and responsibilites. even whenever i talk to justin on the phone, that guy always seems to be doing so much (hmmm, i wonder if he lies to me).

i picked up ANOTHER student to tutor the other day, which would give me a total of 4 private students WHILE doing christian academy for the next 6 weeks. i know i know. why do you keep taking students when you're already so busy and complain about it? 3 reasons. 1. it's temporary. 2. the money is good. 3. korean mothers don't understand the phrases "NO" or "I CAN'T." i guess those reasons don't realy justify my complaining...but really, i'm not complaining. i'm merely informing of my nerve racking schedule.

devotionals are hard to make time for. it finally hit me that i've been relying so much on habit and routine that i've been so consistent with quiet times and such. but the Lord has revealed that i'm not so faithful once i get a tougher schedule in a very different environment. man, i really need intimacy with God. i make time to email and blog but no time to read and pray. a busy, productive life is good. a busy, productive life that controls me is bad. remember that, kids...remember that, phil.

Thought of the Day: Stupid 7th graders.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-No Way Back

two months ago, i was distressed about my car (that needs to go on Pimp My Ride), living situation with no roommates, and lack of money from lack of tutoring. today, my car works, i am all moved into my new HOME, and i have too many students to tutor. i think God has really put me on my knees these past two months in so many areas of my life. today, my brother called me and told me that the stove and his subwoofer weren't working. i've run into myriad problems this year. the Lord has fixed every single one of them. surely, the Lord will also fix the stove and the subwoofer.

Thought of the Day: Lesson plan.
Song of the Day: Crystal Lewis-It Is Well With My Soul

i finished my last final just now. i am officially finished with my junior year of college. i am moving out of my apt this saturday into my new apt in buena park. my brother's been staying with me for the past 2 weeks now. my mom and dad are coming down in another 2 weeks. i haven't seen my dad in 2 years. everything is so surreal right now.

junior year memories...

-foo fighters/stp
-taking eugene to the hospital after pulling an all-nighter and taking the final.
-helping john yi move into his dorm
-watching family guy while eating lunch with chris
-running at night with chris
-shooting hours of pool with roommate
-Full House
-the last officers' meeting
-p. dennis/aaron chung leaving cpc
-outreach
-watching hours of tv with dinko
-seeing zen 4 times a week
-haircuts from edu
-snowboarding!
-fuzion
-Episode 3
-when dago got his stupid mustang
-when john yi got his stupid rx-7
-singing praise with charismatic white people at bonfire
-billy graham
-password/taboo/mafia
-"i'm not going to vegas!"
-swtpinkstar & eddo30
-freshmen retreat
-"secret disneyland"
-apt. searching
-pingpong with kenny g
-hold'em with just chris and eugene kang every single night
-ball with eugene kang
-noraebang phase
-ddr phase
-up north trip!
-the worst dinner ever
-news that family was moving down
-new students
-ear infection
-21
-chillin' in riverside

i'm famished.

Thought of the Day: Moynihan.
Song of the day: STP-Plush

one of my new students, ian, finally cracked...

me: do you fight with your brother alot?
ian: yeah.
me: so you guys punch each other and stuff?
ian: no, we body slam each other...
me: ahahhahahahaha. body slam?
ian: well, onto the bed. we choke...
me: CHOKE?!
ian: well, not real choking. we choke, lick, throw stuff...
me: lick? ahahahahhaha.

vs. my other new student, daniel...

me: so...how are you doing?
daniel: good.
me: do you have alotta hw today?
daniel: nope.
me: oh yeah, how was your weekend? didn't you say you were going to have a fun weekend?
daniel: yeah.
me: did you watch Episode 3?
daniel: yeah.
me: how'd you like it?
daniel: it was pretty good.
me: didn't you play hold'em too?
daniel: yeah.
me: did you wi...

ok, i'm getting bored just from thinking about talking with him.

dillon's story...

me: hey, can you beat up your brother?
dillon: well, i have better fighting skills.
me: ahahhahahahaha. better fighting skills?
dillon: yeah, i use my head when i fight. i bite, punch, spit. he just uses his weight.
me: bite?

i had class all day, tutored three students from 5-9:30, bought groceries, ate dinner at 10, signed up for my classes for two hours (which i was supposed to do about two weeks ago), did my pushups, and still made time to blog 1 hour and 10 min. past my bedtime. i am either stupid or deserve an award. nevermind, i'm just stupid.

Thought of the Day: Upset.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-The One

"something else funny?" "people, man, people."



this was such a good movie. racism, ignorance, and irony...another accurate portrayal of the need for Christ. a student in my afro-american psychology class recommended it to everyone in the class. now i recommend it to you.

i was looking at apartments in cypress today and i was SO discouraged! it never occurred to me just how nice of a city irvine was. i am spoiled up the butt over here. right now, i'm crossing fingers for buena park. i can see myself smiling in buena park, but not in cypress. *sigh* cypress, man (shaking head).

Thought of the Day: Pavlovian.
Song of the Day: H.O.T-Wedding X-mas

i signed up for an extra credit psych experiment called Food & Personality. basically, i have to go in three times and fill out surveys on food preferences and memories. well, today was my last session that i had to go to but they told me it was going to take 1.5 hours. however, they promised to provide some sandwiches as snacks for the participants. i purposely didn't eat lunch so i wouldn't have to make anything or do any of the dishes. i got there at 1:50 and finished my survey in 10 min...

experienter: well, you finished the last part of the experiment. i have some good news for you and some bad news for you. the bad news is that there are no sandwiches for you. when you told us your preferences, that was actually part of the experiment. the good news is that you're getting 1.5 hour credit for doing 10 min. of work.

i was really disappointed by the bad news.

since i was already on campus, i decided to get all of my reading and math homework done. i learned a very valuable lesson today: i can't study on an empty stomach. it took me 45 min. to read 6 pages. it's incredible how i can't focus when i have no food in my system. i came home, did all the dishes, cooked up some food, and haven't studied since...all thanks to that sham experiment.

Thought of the Day: Cypress.
Song of the Day: Mok-Heavenly Light

i am coughing so hard right now that my head hurts. i was coughing uncontrollably in my math class today. it was like one of those ongoing machine gun coughs where i look like i'm suffocating. good thing i was sitting in the way front where everyone can see me. talk about "all eyez on me." right now, i really really hate sam chen who gave me the cough who also gave it to john yi. we agreed to stone that sinner. man, i'm all light-headed from coughing so much...and the fun don't stop.

Thought of the Day: SATs SUCK.
Song of the Day: Stone Temple Pilots-Crackerman

dinko made me a STP (Stone Temple Pilots) mix yesterday. it was crazy listening to all of these songs that i once heard so much during my childhood. even though i knew about 80% of the songs, i didn't know that more than half of them were actually sung by STP. but the craziest part is that the majority of the songs i used to dislike sound SO GOOD now! it's like my ears finally opened up or something-i can finally appreciate! the same thing happened with Smashing Pumpkins, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and "the mighty mighty" Foo Fighters (whom i still love most).

it's similar to my appreciation for the Gospel. since i grew up in the church, i must have heard the Gospel a billion times at church and school (i used to attend a christian school). but it wasn't until a few years ago that the Gospel became oh so sweet. it's ridiculous how you can listen to the same thing over and over but not hear what is going into your ears. in the end, my appreciation for STP will die, but my appreciation for the Gospel will not; it will only grow. it's not that God's message is improving or becoming more attractive in any way. i am merely being sanctified by the Holy Spirit.

i have been really blessed in the past 24 hours. there are high hopes of my living situation being resolved (and some more) and i received two new students to tutor. incredible. "let your mercies fall from heaven. sweet mercies fall from heaven. new mercies for today, shower them down, Lord, as we pray."

Thought of the Day: Punitive.
Song of the Day: STP-Plush Acoustic Mix

the month of may is full of too much change:

1. doe and tina get accepted to usc.


2. edu and olivia hook up (finally).


3. i become a yg teacher.


too much can happen in just two weeks.

news:

1. need a roommate or two for me and dykas.

2. i'll be working at a hakwon in cypress all summer long. if you need a job, lemme know.


random:

i have 26 dvds. i started out with 1 coming into college.



Thought of the Day: Guys and girls have different standards.
Song of the Day: Kylie Minouge-Santa Baby

tutoring...

me: dillon, why does your hair look so nice today?
dillon: it looks nice all the time (dead serious).

double-negatives...

dillon: "ain't" isn't even a real word.
me: jordan ain't got no friends. jordan ain't got no brain cells.
dillon: (having a cow).

why am i so good with kids?

Thought of the Day:
Song of the day: The Avocados-Ocean

for brothers appreciation...



the stressed sisters still managed to work with a smile...



because i was so freakin' orange that night.




i have three midterms this week. good times.

Thought of the Day: Hula #2.
Song of the Day: Mack 10 & Tha Dogg Pound-Nothinn But The Cavi Hit

on tuesday, april 26, 2005, i actually raised my hand and made a comment/question in one of my lectures for the first time in my college history. after doing the reading and watching this video, my mind was at conflict with one of the notions that was being explained. i don't know what compelled me but i was totally Braveheart mentality. i ran the script over in my head several times and as soon as it was time for me to raise my hand, my heart started to pound at accelerating rates. freak! he called on someone else. after that 10 min. answer and a moment of silence, i casually raised my hand...

professor: yes, phil?
me: it seems like in the video and even from your book, in order to know your identity, you have to presuppose that there is a creator. how does this work for atheists?
professor: i don't know, you tell me....blah blah blah...there isn't a single black person who doesn't believe in a divine being...blah blah blah...good question.
me: (HECK YEAH that was a good question!).

i can't believe i spoke in class.




AzN1283 (12:26:26 AM): hey
Pretzelboi96 (12:26:34 AM): ayo
AzN1283 (12:26:34 AM): john has a gf?
Pretzelboi96 (12:26:41 AM): lol
Pretzelboi96 (12:26:43 AM): i JUST saw that too
Pretzelboi96 (12:26:45 AM): like literally
AzN1283 (12:26:49 AM): freakin a
Pretzelboi96 (12:26:49 AM): i don't think so
AzN1283 (12:26:50 AM): he beat us

these days, that missions pact that danny boy and i made last year doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

Thought of the Day: I hate Bi.
Song of the Day: Voices Of Theory-Say It

dinosaurs with lazer guns. I-N-G-E-N-I-O-U-S.

Thought of the Day: Beyonce talks ghetto.
Song of the Day: 50 Cent - The Massacre - 20 - Hate It or Love It (feat. The Game, Lloyd Banks, Tony Yayo, Young Buck) (G Unit Remix)

i was driving home today and i thought about everything that's happened these past two weeks. i was immediately reminded of edu's xanga title, "Come, Lord Jesus." man, i've been so sad lately just with all of the financial difficulties, grad school stuff, and friends having troubles with friends. i am weary from it all. how can i encourage others when i myself am so discouraged? as i kept driving, it hit me that i've been too complacent with my spiritual walk. i've been pretty comfortable for a long time now and it's finally caught up to me. i have forgotten what it means to struggle and to grow in character and hope. Chambers writes, "Beware of the danger of relaxation spiritually." i have indeed NOT been aware and i once again find myself at my knees.
Hebrews 12:2-3-Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
God is sovereign over my bank account and even my relationships. how much more is He sovereign over my sanctification?
Hebrews 12:11-No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Amen.
Come, Lord Jesus.
Amen.

Thought of the Day: Doesn't listen.
Song of the Day: Chris Tomlin-How Great Is Our God

tough week

i remember when i used to have really bad days where everything was just going wrong. cancelled appointments, missing the bus, losing money, fighting with the mom, and having an influx of homework all in the same day. when things got so bad, i used to laugh to myself at how ridiculous my day was...but not today. there is definitely no laughing on this sunny April Thursday. i think it's because my crappy events have been spread out throughout the week.

my brake light turned on last thurs even though my parking brake wasn't on. the brakes weren't feeling too sturdy either so i concluded that my brake pads were worn out and it was time for me to replace them. so i got them checked out on monday at Midas. when the manager tells you that's it's going to take about an hour, what he really means is that it's going to take 1 hour TIMES THREE! as i was waiting for my repaired car, they found out that my front left and right axles were messed up. what i thought was only going to cost me around 150 bucks turned out to be 150 bucks TIMES FIVE! for you english majors out there, that's $750 (and that's with a small discount).

i came home feeling really really sad. after calculating living costs and finances for the summer, i had to call my mom and ask her not to deposit the check i had sent her. even then, i don't have enough money to pay for summer rent. dude.

yesterday, i couldn't find my red aeropostale shirt. i lost it. rather, i think someone stole it from my laundry last thursday. i don't know, it's gone. but to make matters worse, i came home finding my left headlight not working. did you know that cops will actually pull you over and give you a fix-it-ticket that costs $10 and alotta out of the way trouble for a broken headlight? so being the obedient law-keeper that i am, i took my car back to Midas today as soon as i ended my 8am class. after taking another look at my car, joe (the manager) told me that it was absolutely critical that i change my two rear tires cause they were in really bad shape. he told me the same thing on monday and i knew they looked a lil lopsided, but i didn't think it was "absolutely critical" to change my tires. *shrug* how bad can the costs be? "alrite, joe, i'll change my tires too." after telling me it should be done before 3, i came back at 3:20 and it still wasn't even done. long story short, $180. *bitter weeping*

jin asked for three weeks off and jordan and dillon are on spring break this week. i just lost another $120. dude.

i don't know how i'm going to support people for missions or pay for my gas during the summer (last night was the most gas i ever had to pay for my small car-$31.36). there's more to my unpleasant week but i have to stop with the ranting somewhere. don't pity me. instead, pray for me.

Thought of the Day: I really want to throw my car away.
Song of the Day: The Munjees-Adoption Song

i had traffic school today. i went to bed at 3, woke up at 5:50, and waited outside in line at 6:40 til they opened the doors at 7. as i wrote in a previous entry, it's the traffic school part of the ticket that i hate more than the fine itself. 8 hours of sitting cramped inside a court room with 100 other traffic violators. it was kinda like sitting in traffic, only with no place to go...and no place to cry.

Reed Berry "The Traffic Guy"

my instructor was one of the funniest people i have ever met in my life. he was so sarcastic and witty thoughout the WHOLE day! it really felt like he was doing stand-up comedy 70% of the time. i mean, how do you crack jokes (really funny ones!) about traffic laws and safety rules? *shrug* he was doing it. he was seriously so good that i took down his info so that i could recommend him to future law breakers who need to take traffic school. and call me crazy but i did learn alot about traffic violations and new 2005 laws. for example, did you know that you can park on yellow curbs after 6 and all day on sundays? they're actually supposed to be for commercial vehicles but they're not enforced during the evening. that could save you alotta parking trouble. here's another one. did you know that for every point you get for getting a ticket, your insurance goes up $300 every year for three years?
don't get me wrong. traffic school sucked! i never wanna do that crap again. but it really wasn't as bad as it could have been...since i had "The Traffic Guy."



i think for the first time in a long time, i don't have any particular cravings for a specific genre of music. i usually go though cyclic phases of all my mp3s but these days, i'm just putting anything into my winamp just to kill the silence. it's a bit similar to my desiring of God. we all know that music is a beautiful and powerful thing that gives so much life to so many plain things. what would movies be like without music? how would our car rides feel without our radios and cds? what would sunday services be like without singing? but for me to not enjoy music shows that there's something wrong with me. it doesn't make any sense for me to not WANT to listen to some sort of melody. very much so, God who is infinitely awesome and wondrous (and the very creator of music) deserves that much more of my attention and crave. when i do not desire Him, there is something terribly wrong with me. it doesn't make sense that i don't have a passion for God. it's like chang's steak analogy. if steak tastes bad, it isn't a problem with the steak. it's a problem with the grilling or the fire (or the lack of it). but just as i know that music is a beautiful thing and as i remember pleasureable experiences of it, i know that God too is very beautiful and desiring Him is indeed very pleasureable. i am indeed a creature that is prone to wander, so prone to forget. Psalm 42:1-"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." i want that desire again.

Thought of the Day: New bestfriend.
Song of the Day:

me: i'm taking afro-american psychology this qtr. i get to learn how black people think.
chris: all they do is steal. that's all you need to know.

Thought of the Day: Good to be back.
Song of the Day: Your Name Is Holy

on live 105's website...

All this weekend we give up the wheels of steel to the one man who we're sure could do justice to our crack weekend team... The Man himself... JESUS H. CHRIST. And because of His Lord's fondness for the number 3, he'll be playing sets of 3 song from his favorite Alternative Artists... U2, Queens of the Stoneage, Green Day, and many more.

today's sermon...

pastor ryan: they're giving out eggs today...i don't even know why!


i feel like today is a bit of a mixed up day. stores all over the country are selling easter eggs and chocolate bunnies to people of all ages. at the same time, churches all over the world are celebrating a very SPECIAL day out of the year where they especially remember Christ's resurrection. apparently, Easter is not just an ordinary day for any of us. why is that?

well for non-christians, they celebrate a ridiculous bunny that hides eggs or something. for christians, today seems to be a particular day of happiness and rejoicing. but it wasn't until this year that i realized that "Easter" should be celebrated EVERY sunday. EVERY sunday is to be a day of celebration. EVERY sunday is to be a day where we remember Christ's resurrection. EVERY sunday is to be a day of worship. not just once a year, every spring. not just when the world celebrates that stupid Easter Bunny. if you were particularly blessed by today's worship service, i'd challenge you to question why. in a sense, every Sunday ought to be our Easter.

my brother got confirmed today. praise God.

Thought of the Day: Yes, yes, Lord. Amen.
Song of the Day: How Deep The Father's Love

yesterday during tutoring...

me: jordan, leave us alone!
jordan: gosh, philip, don't be such an ass...
me: !!!!!
jordan: -tronaut. ahahahhahahha.
me: ahahahhahaah. i have to admit, that was pretty good.

it is spring qtr, finals week 2005. two down, two more to go. whenever my tests have short answer/essay questions, i always use my LUCKY PEN. this is a very special pen to me for various reasons. first of all, i love how it doesn't release too much ink, but still rolls smoothly and comes out dark enough for everyone to read. second, although i'm missing the cap, the pen has never failed to dry out in the past...three years! basically, when i used to be an officer with monica kim in yg, she left the pen at my house after using it to take notes. i never gave it back to her because it was such a covetous and wonderful item that i could use for college. so to this day, i use it for writing on my calander, making my flashcards, brainstorming my outlines, and of course, taking my tests. i can't tell when the ink is going to run out because the ink stained the inside of the clear tube. i really don't know what i'll do when i can no longer use my LUCKY PEN. no pen will ever be able to replace it.

moral of the story: don't ever leave anything precious at phil's house caues he'll never give it back.



i have come to the conclusion that my favorite slow jam of all time is Ben E. King's "Stand By Me." come to think of it, i think it was the earliest slow jam that i could ever remember hearing as a child. i don't know if it's because it reminds me of the 1986 movie, Stand By Me, or if it's because i love how passionately King sings the song with his unique voice. maybe it's the nice tune or the simple lyrics that can win any girl's heart (i think). sometimes, i even imagine God singing this song to me. there are also times where i imagine myself singing this song to God (without the "DARLIN', DARLIN'..." stuff of course!). haha. singing a secular song to God. that's when you know a song is awesome.


made my day...

(taking out my id card as i turn in my education final).
professor collins: (takes my test w/o id card). i know who are.
me: *grin* oh.

Thought of the Day: No train.
Song of the Day: Jinusean-Phone Number

ken: hey phil, check out your background later!



it's like Beauty & the Beast...and i'm not the beast. ehehehheehehe. just kidding, molester.

Thought of the Day: Cowboys.
Song of the Day: Kingsmen-Louie Louie

two nights ago, i had a dream that i spit out water while taking a shower. too bad that i thought the dream was real cause i woke up with drool all over my neck and pillow. i promise you, this is the second time this has happened to me. of all the things, i dream of taking showers...

i'm killing some time right now cause i just finished writing my outline for the paper i have to write tonight. writing's kinda like running in a x-country race. 1 page = 1 mile. 1 paragraph = 1 hill. intro = starting line. conclusion = finish line. outline = warming up/stretching. so i'm kinda loosening up my muscles before i start my race. i have so much reluctance and anxiety right now but i know it won't be so bad once i start running. i love that feeling when you've put so much effort into a paper and when you finally finish. you don't care about your time nor who finished before you. when you cross that finish line, you're done. tracking, critical pedagogy, and social capital. AHHH!

look at this picture of terrance i stole from Chang's xanga.



crazy.

Thought of the Day: LONG LIVE KCM!!!
Song of the Day: Third Day-I've Always Loved You

You Will Die at Age 76

76 You're pretty average when it comes to how you live...And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?

Thought of the Day: Addicts.
Song of the Day: Fatboy Slim-Austin Powers Theme

Thought of the Day: "C'mon, twinkle twinkle, baby! Twinkle twinkle!"
Song of the Day: Skillet-Your Name Is Holy

i got a ticket today for driving too close to the car in front of me. 41 mph in a 50 zone, 8 ft. away. he didn't even give me a chance to explain. just straight up "do you know what you did wrong? when you're going that fast and you're that close, you're not going to be able to break in time." *walks away to write ticket* dangit.

as i was driving off, i started flooding myself with situations that could have avoided the ticket. if only i hadn't changed my cds as i was warming up my car. if only i hadn't chosen to wear my red shoes today. if only i hadn't made my appointment to meet today at 1pm. then i realized that by me thinking of all of these "if only" situations, i was pretty much saying that God's will and sovereignty were imperfect or flawed. i don't care so much that i have to pay for the ticket. what really bothers me is the idea of taking traffic school. i HATE traffic school.

so after fieldwork, i came home feeling kinda bummed...

me: i got a ticket today.
julie: let's go eat KOBE!
me: if chris got me KOBE today, i would be really encouraged.
chris: alrite, let's go!

me and my big mouth.

today was my first time having japanese bbq. but more importantly, today was my first time having kobe beef. for you ignorants out there:

Kobe beef is a special grade of beef from (Wagyu) cattle raised in Kobe, Japan. These cattle are massaged with sake and are fed a daily diet that includes large amounts of beer. This produces meat that is extraordinarily tender, finely marbled, and full-flavored. It is also extremely expensive, often costing more than $100 per pound. Because of the high cost and increasing demand, there are now some Kobe-style beef-cattle being raised in the U.S. using the same techniques.



yeah, that's what i ate today. we each must've eaten about 5 pieces of kobe beef. just that plate alone cost $20...and yeah, we ate alotta other stuff too. it's one of the best pieces of meat i have ever eaten in my life. i like chris alot.

Thought of the Day: No MercyMe.
Song of the Day: Sister Act-I Will Follow Him

lately, when i've been telling people that i've been busy, i realized that what i really mean is that i've just been really busy with my thoughts. schoolwork and tutoring doesn't take up that much time. rather, it's the times in between where i feel like my life is engrossed with future plans and goals. FAFSA stuff, next year's living situation, summer plans, grad. school stuff (tests to take, letters of rec., meeting with counselors)-you'd be surprised how much i think about this stuff everyday. i've actually come to the point where i'm stressed out. too many uncertainties and a lack of control. i'm the type to take things "one step at a time," but i feel like i'm in a situation where i have to plan ahead before i take each step. it's alot to think about and i must admit that i often forget God's faithfulness and sovereignty in all of it.

"grad school?! heck no! after my 4 years, i'm out of here and never studying again!"
-phil chung, freshmen year

man, who would've thought that i'd be going to grad school to get a master's degree in education. of course i have my fears that i'll later find out that i hate teaching and that this was all a waste of time and energy. this growing up business is really hard. i just have to remind myself of God's faithfulness everyday. if God was faithful in providing Abraham with Issac, saving and prospering Joseph, protecting David in all of his wars, and of course, giving the world His very own son so that we could be justified, then surely my future is secure with the Lord. Psalm 3:3-"...you bestow glory on me and lift up head." reader, would your head be lifted up in whatever situation you are in as well.



this picture also helps me forget about my worries.

Thought of the Day: Make me proud.
Song of the Day: Mark Schultz-He Will Carry Me

Miracle #1:
i came down with the flu today. i only had a sore throat yesterday, but after being tempted to play some ball i think i got even sicker. i'm pretty sure i got it from edu after ALMOST drinking out of his can on saturday. well, that ALMOST was just enough to make me physically miserable. but it's crazy how God shows mercy to His people. i was studying for my abnormal psych. midterm (tomorrow), but i was incredibly drowsy and delirious. i knew that if i slept, i wouldn't get up til tomorrow morning and that would only leave me with a few hours to study. so in my desperation, i prayed, took some Thera-flu, and decided to crash. once the drugs starting kicking in, instead of falling asleep, i was feeling so much better...better enough to get out of bed and go back to studying! i just finished studying and even ate the rest of my dinner. praise God!

but with this illness, it got me wondering if God knows what it feels like to be sick. surely, God cannot GET sick b/c He is perfect in nature, but He is also a God who is wise and all-knowing. i suppose God can know and understand w/o having to experience. but then again, i'm sure Christ got sick at least a couple of times while he was here on earth. He experienced what we all experience (except sin). but even if Christ never got the flu, i'm sure He knew what it's like. whatever the case, i have been healed by his grace.



Miracle #2
eugene did the dishes today. that made me really happy. no one even told him to do it. i think this is the first time i've experienced him washing the dishes w/o chris nagging him. i wonder what was so different about today. what motivated or inspired him to do this unusual act? was it b/c i was sick? did it finally occur to him that it was unjust that he loaded up the dishwasher while chris and i had to clean up his mess? was he under the influence of drugs/alcohol? man, eugene actually did the dishes today. i didn't even have to ask God for this one. what grace.

Random:



Pretzelboi96 (10:58:56 PM): i like this picture too
Pretzelboi96 (10:58:57 PM): edu and zen
AsianXboi56 (10:59:04 PM): hahaha
AsianXboi56 (10:59:18 PM): edu's the magician and zen's his little helper
Pretzelboi96 (10:59:33 PM): ahahhaahhha

Thought of the Day: Rainy Day Mix.
Song of the Day: Third Day Blind-Motorcycle Driveby

Thought of the Day: Sore throat.
Song of the Day: It Is Well With My Soul

Praise God for antibiotics.

Thought of the Day: DDR-ed out.
Song of the Day: Never Ending Story DDR Mix

in the past two months, i've had three ear infections. i'm still having my third one right now. i have grown a very strong hate for these infections. what people don't realize is that much of your inner ear is connected to your jaw muscles. so when i'm trying to enjoy a simple sandwich that michelle made for me, i am chewing in painful tears. when i got home from fieldwork, i just collapsed into my bed and lay, scrunched up in a humble fetal position. all i could do is think about Job and his boils or Paul and the thorn in his flesh: "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me." i think i've pleaded more like three-HUNDRED times to take away the pain.

i remember when i was 5 or 6, i had an ear infection and all i did was cry in my mom's arms. she couldn't do anything to make the aching go away so she did what all moms do best-hold me as i cried. i really do believe that mothers have a special love for their children that no one can explain. when it comes to protecting and sacrificing for their child, they're freakin' super-heroes. my mom is just a glimpse of what my God is. the tender love. the faithfulness. the most incredible sacrifice.

Romans 8:32-�He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, give us all things?�

please pray for me so that we can rejoice together the next time i see you.

Thought of the Day: Miserable.
Song of the Day: Sara Groves-The Word

Thought of the Day: Sisters' Appreciation Nite!
Song of the Day: Third Day-When The Rain Comes

my past comments on sisters appreciate nites...

"men, if this banquet turns out like crap, remember...they're only girls! HWATEENG!" (Feb 2002).

"and friday is the Sister's Appreciation Nite. omg. we took some crazy pictures at church today, but i can't spoil it for the ladies. ahhahaahhha." (Feb 2003).

"today, we worked on the sisters apprecation nite at church. " (Feb 2004).

i told zenia that this year's theme was going to be Bootcamp. i told her the decorations were going to be like trees and camouflage like a jungle. everyone would dress in army clothes and the guys would bring guns and stuff. she had the most try-not-to-look-upset face in the world...

me: c'mon zenia! you don't like the idea?
(zen walks away).
me: c'mon! i was the one who came up with the idea! you don't like it?!
zen: no it's good!
me: patanga?
zen: ....patanga it's good.


i had the biggest cow after that. (Feb 2005).

Thought of the Day: Where's my pink towel?!
Song of the Day: Wax-Pillow

i was never really a troublemaker growing up. i never talked during class, never hit other kids, and never cut in line. well, maybe not NEVER. there were very very few times where i got caught talking or making fun of someone by the teacher. i remember that every time i was sent outside to have a "timeout," i'd sit on the ground and put my hands between my legs where no one could see what my fingers were doing. i felt so much shame, stupidity, and guilt, but i knew that no one could see my fingers freely twirling on the ground. my hidden fingers symbolized how small and humble i felt, and i didn't want anybody to see it. absolute abashment. i guess it's similar to when Adam and Eve put on fig coverings and hid from God. they were ashamed of their nakedness and did not want to be seen, especially by God.

i think alot of times, we don't realize the depths of our own sins. too often, we are not ashamed or feel the need to repent of the slightest hint of evil. there are countless times where i have judged someone, caught myself in the act, said a mere sorry to God, and forgot about it. is this true repentance? or what about the contrary: overemphasizing our sins and forgetting about God's grace and forgiveness. i remember when i used to party alot, the next morning i'd be mourning for forgiveness all day until i had "felt bad enough." is this real repentance? what exactly is proper repentance? how do you hate your sin yet remember God's greater grace at the same time? how do you have balance so that you don't overemphasize one or the other? i guess even man's efforts to turn away from sin are imperfect. it's kind of like obeying the 4th commandment of keeping the Sabbath holy. no one will ever obey that commandment perfectly.

thank goodness for Christ...always.

prone to wander
Lord I feel it
prone to leave the God I love.

here's my heart, Lord
take and seal it
seal it for thy courts above.

Thought of the Day: Self-control.
Song of the Day: Lena Park-Beautiful You

me: what does "extracted" mean?
jordan: like eliminate.
me: mmm...more like to separate or take out.
jordan: that's what i said! eliminate!

he is smarter, taller, and is beginning to "accidentally" cuss. it's good to have him back.

Thought of the Day: Bad morning.
Song of the Day: Jars Of Clay-Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing

i think blogging at the most inappropriate times of the day are the funnest times to blog. my reason for writing tonight is that i ate ramen a little less than two hours ago and i can't fall asleep on a full stomach. i am crazy awake right now, it's ridiculous. no more than ten minutes ago, andrew kim just farted in his sleep. funny. i don't think i've ever heard him fart in my life.



these days, whenever people ask me how i'm doing, i find myself having a hard time answering that question. as much as i hate telling them the typical "not too bad" or "i've been pretty busy," i still tell them that. how do you answer such a question? i really hate mindless chit-chat. i think Uma Thurman said it best in Pulp Fiction, "why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bull**** in order to be comfortable?" that's one of the reasons why i hate bumping into people on campus, especially those i haven't seen in a long time. we both hate the game, but social rules tell us that we must play. man, i sound terribly antisocial and hostile right now. this wasn't the direction i was intending to write in...

so, how ARE you doing?

i got my mp3 player last friday. it looks pretty different from the picture i posted up. i definitely do not adore it as much as i did before i possessed it though. it's always like that. our imagination always exceeds reality. i'm still glad i got it though.

i started my education fieldwork on wednesday. i observe 7th graders and help them with their homework for three hours every wednesday. i mainly work with Hispanic kids who live in Tustin. i tried to remember what it was like for me to be a 7th grader. oh man that's blurry. all i remember was hating Mrs. Breon for being so hard and being really depressed for no reason. sorry kids, no help from this volunteer.

i also finished watching Full House that night. the previous night, i had watched three episodes. the next night, eugene and i just decided to finish it with a sweep. four episodes in a row. crappy ending but a pretty fun one to watch. "gom seh marheegah, han jeebeh eesuh..." i love that song.


wednesday, 4:56am. phone goes off. "Jordan's Mom." ringer silenced. go back to sleep.

thursday, 11:06am. voicemail. "Jordan's Mom." call her back any time after 3:30.

thursday, 3:31pm. i get my old job back.

"But no matter, God will provide."
-Chang Yuon

and that He did. O praise Him.


"not too bad...i've been pretty busy."

Thought of the Day: I suck at bowling.
Song of the Day: Eminem-Renegade

23 freshmen.

so much fun.

so encouraging.


ear infection.

6 days.

so burdensome.

Thought of the Day: WHO AM I?!
Song of the Day: Velvet Revolver-Slither

to my big stylez friends...

obesity: weight that is greater than 20% for your avg. weight for your age/size
-about 65% of adults are overweight/obese
-over 25% of children are obese
-tendency: those who watch much tv tend to be overweight
-rate of obesity increases by 2% for every hour of tv

Thought of the Day: Freshmen Retreat
Song of the Day: Roora-OH

i tutor fatima (2nd grader) and ibrahim (3rd grader) every friday, 30 min. each. man, these two are the most difficult students i've ever had to teach in my life. since they both have learning disabilites, you have to be really really really patient with them. like ibrahim will ask you a question and as soon as you're about to answer him, he'll start reading from his book; or fatima will have trouble reading a word and you'll review it with her for 3 min. until she tells you that she gets it...but she really doesn't. *trembling anger* it goes even further than this. you see, they NEVER listen to what i tell them to do. "fatima, we need to study right now." "ibrahim, can you go get your sister right now, please?!" i was so convinced that they hated me b/c they'll do anything to lag or avoid studying with me.

but...

on friday, as soon as i was about to leave, fatima held her arms out for a hug. so i hugged her. "bye, phil." "bye, fatima." and that simple act made me forget about every discouragement i've ever had with her. *sigh* tricky kids.



i want you SO bad!

Thought of the Day: Undermine.
Song of the Day: Mobb Deep-Burn

dinko816 (12:14:07 AM): in light of current events



dang, freshmen retreat. that was seriously one of the most memorable moments of my freshmen year. i remember the sunday after that retreat, we all exchanged screennames and cell phone numbers with each other. who would've known that 2 days would produce so many wonderful relationships. only God knew.



right now, i'm watching the korean drama, Full House, with Song Hye Gyo and Bi. in today's episode, there was a scene where they fell asleep on each other's heads while watching a very nice view of the sunset at the beach. i'm no lover-boy but i have to admit that it was a pretty romantic scene. in fact, it gave me that "i wish i had a girlfriend" feeling.

in every relationship, a girl wants to see romance coming from the guy. korean dramas overdo it. zenia lusts after it. movies portray it all the time. but i'm not bashing romance at all. actually, my point is that we desire these things b/c it is in fact a very beautiful thing for a man and woman to show their love for each other through "romantic" words and actions. but goodness, if romance is as good as it appears and feels, how much more pleasurable and blissful will our eternal marriage with Christ be? i don't think this is limited to just relationships or marriage. imagine every pleasure that the world has to offer. every pleasure is just a glimpse of what God has in store for us one day. even if i can't marry Song Hye Gyo or drive Bi's car, i have assurance that i will have something infinitely better in heaven.

Hosea 2:19-20: I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord.

what are our idols compared to God?

Thought of the Day: Indulgence.
Song of the Day: Matt Redman-Nothing But The Blood

snowboarding seems to be THE THING to do in college. i never really thought much about it til the whole world was shocked that i had never gone in my life. *shrug* i had opportunities to go every winter but i wasn't willing to spend or learn. i mean, just how fun could snowboarding be, right? you attach yourself to a piece of board and throw yourself off a mountain. long story short-i went snowboarding on wednesday cause it was cheap and andrew was willing to teach me. the good news is that i learned fairly quick and had a VERY good time. the bad news is that my body is sorer than Mr. Sore who lives on Sore St. ugh, i love it. if you haven't gone, you're definitely missing out. i know i was.

first day of class...

professor: well since it's Zero Week, there should be Zero work. bye guys.
class: (cheering).

i wish every week was Zero Week.

you have always been there to listen to me. whenever i was sad, i could freely express myself to you. whenever i was angry, i could vent and you wouldn't complain. you were there for many of my personal moments and memories. you don't care about my image or what i write about. you find no shame in showing pictures of my friends to the world. there were moments where i really needed you but you weren't available...but i forgive you. afterall, you're the one always reminding me how finite and inconsistent i am. i can tell you about anything in the world. thank you for the wonderful memories that you create and store. happy 3rd anniversary...i love you, blog.

Thought of the Day: Full House is SO good.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-Up In Arms

Thought of the Day: TOE!
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-All My Life

i've driven up and down california alot ever since i became a college student. the first few times were really difficult but you slowly get used to them. i feel like you go through alot in every car ride. you can go through phases of jokes, songs, games, stories, and hunger. another way to look at a car ride is through phases of emotion-bored, annoyed, excited, sad, scared, happy, etc. some car rides are faster than others, some are more enjoyable than others, and sometimes accidents may even occur. i feel like car rides are often similar to what we experience in one year...like 2004:

-lots and lots of hold'em
-stressful beefs
-accountability w/jay
-paraguay training
-crashing at sunshine's
-LOVEFEST!!!
-new cell phone
-balling at san marco
-paraguay
-serving as an officer
-meeting aaron chung
-sleeping/studying with edu
-becoming good friends with doe and zen
-starting up pool again
-the officers' meeting when pastor told us he was leaving
-the "last officers' meeting"
-flat tires
-the awesome summer part-time job
-longing for the CAVE
-moving into San Leon
-charity dinner in la
-full metal alchemist & azumanga
-riverside thursdays
-yg summer retreat
-"password" at pastor's
-biola
-third day & foo fighters
-billy graham crusade
-super x-mas land
-best gpa qtr
-last night's brazilian bbq with chang

2004 was such a good car ride. all glory to God.

Thought of the Day: 2:30pm
Song of the Day: Super Mario's Sleigh Ride OC Remix

it's official. Foo Fighters is the greatest secular band that God has created thus far. right now, it's 1:30am and my brother just got out of bed to watch the concert dvd for the third time. i really don't know why i didn't appreciate them until this past month. i think their power comes from their performances. (shaking head) true rockers. haha. i can feel zenia rolling her eyes already.

i really miss so. cal. in fact, i am so excited that i will be driving down tomorrow. you don't know how good it feels to hear people wanting you to come back. i seriously feel like my face brightens up even when just chatting with them online. i miss the warm so. cal winter, the ghetto mexican food, and of course, my church. man, homesick just from being away for less than a week. i guess that just makes your arrival that much sweeter. maybe that's what heaven will be like. as you suffer more and more for Christ in this short-lived world, heaven will taste that much sweeter forever...

I'M ALMOST HOME, BABY!

Thought of the Day: Jealous Devils.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-Generator

me: it's so boring w/o simon home.
mom: then you can spend time with mom!

i feel like i learned so much about my mom yesterday. we actually did get to spend a lot of time together. haha. whenever i sit down and talk with my mom, she always likes to give me "christian advice." i really like that about my mom. even though it's stuff that i already know, just the fact that she chooses to give me "christian advice" really encourages me. my mom is seriously the godliest ahjumah i know. she seriously can't stop talking about church and how good God has been to her even through the hardships in our family. we talked about alotta things today. in fact, i finally had the guts to ask her if she was reformed or not. of course i didn't ask her, "mom, are you reformed or what?" i mean, i don't even know how to say "reformed" in korean! anyways, we talked about calvinism and stuff and basically she was telling me how she found comfort in the fact that her own son shared in the same doctrine as she did. i think iii found more comfort in that than she did. =D

but the craziest thing i learned about my mom was that she is in better physical shape than me! you see, my mom is an exercise-aholic. she used to work out so much that sometimes my dad would get mad at her. there'd be times where she'd go to the gym twice in one day! i think she really likes that endorphin feeling or something. but anyways, after our lil talk she really wanted me to go walking/jogging with her on this one trail up in Hillcrest. i know she wanted me to join her real bad so i agreed to go. haha man...she was crazy happy, jumping off the walls like a lil girl.

so we're like speed walking for a few minutes and she asks me if i could speed up (i guess i was holding her back or something). then she asks me if i wanna start jogging, so we jogged for about a mile and i was dying. the whole time, i kept telling myself that mom CANNOT pass me up. not only am i her son, but i'm also supposed to be youthful and energetic. whenever i looked back, she was RIGHT behind me! haha she looked so funny with her huge orange sweater and her quick little feet. so cute. but what killed me was on the way back. she was crazy power walking up these steep hills! i literally could not keep up with her. in fact, i had to ask her if we could just take it easy. (shaking head) humbled by my 49 year old mom.

a random thought crossed my mind today. i think after my mom passes away, these will be the memories that i will remember of her. yesterday, i was so miserable cause i was bored out of my mind with my brother on his retreat. but today, i thank God for giving me the time i spent with mom.

Thought of the Day: Merry X-mas Eve!
Song of the Day: Vanilla Ice-Ice Ice Baby

i've caught the bug...

Ten Random Things About Me:
10. For my kindergarten graduation, i was the only student eating the food while all the kids were playing with each other.
9. I was insanely in love with dinosaurs during my childhood.
8. I used to think that the word, "fob," was slang for "gangster."
7. The first "real" song i ever liked was Green Day's "Basket Case" in 4th grade.
6. Growing up I used to be really insecure about having an abnormally large butt.
5. I stopped believing in Santa after my dad wrote "From Santa Clausause" on one of my gifts.
4. I used to hate whoppers b/c i thought they had too many vegetables.
3. The meanest thing I've ever done in my life was beat up my brother for cussing at me and forcing him to do the Bloody Mary thing until she came out.
2. I have this recurring nightmare where I'm moving really fast while lying down on railroad tracks, and some scary evil monster is laughing and coming after this angelic princess who's crying.
1. When I was 10, i used to think that i was really mature for my age b/c i wasn't disgusted by the kissing in tv/movies.

Nine Places I've Visited:
9. Oh~Pilseung Korea!
8. Tahoe.
7. Reno.
6. Vegas, Baby, Vegas!
5. Grand Canyon.
4. Mexico.
3. NYC.
2. Cornell.
1. Paraguay.

Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
8. Be able to pray in korean.
7. Watch and read all of the classics i never made time for.
6. Play Canon perfectly.
5. Go to the symphony with my dad.
4. See at least one of my non-christian friends accept Christ.
3. Have a six-pack (don't laugh!).
2. Wear a 40's gangster suit.
1. See my family with absoulutely no financial burden.

Seven Ways To Win My Heart:
7. BANGS!
6. Shoot pool really well.
5. Teachable.
4. Fluent.
3. Classical Piano.
2. Make me laugh.
1. Love Christ more than me.

Six Things I Believe In:
6. There is nothing wrong with girls hinting at guys that they are interested in them.
5. TULIP.
4. 99% of women should not be allowed to drive.
3. The Cave of Godly Women.
2. Christ is the answer to every single movie.
1. My mom is better than your mom.

Five Things I'm Afraid Of:
5. The thought of my brother dying before me.
4. Losing body parts.
3. Cockroaches.
2. Physical persecution (being burned, buried, eaten alive).
1. The idea of rape. The only people who deserved to be raped are those who rape others.

Four Songs On My Mind:
4. Foo Fighters-All My Life.
3. Modest Mouse-The Ocean Breathes Salty.
2. Modest Mouse-The World At Large.
1. As One-Last Christmas.

Three Things I Touch Everyday:
3. Cell Phone.
2. Bible.
1. Glasses.

Two Things I Am Trying Not To Do Right Now:
2. Go pee.
1. Lust.

One Person I Want To See Right Now:
1. Foo Fighters Concert dv...i mean dinko.


Thought of the Day: Sinners leading sinners.
Song of the Day: As One-Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree Alternative Mix

college group and em have finally merged and pastor dennis is no longer at cpc. we had a banquet dedicated to him on friday where i had high hopes in seeing him cry like a baby. man, that guy has too much pride. he wouldn't even shed ONE tear for me!



i think crying is a funny thing. we cry when we are broken, sad, happy, scared, or sometimes when we're just laughing too hard. you can only cry when you have so much emotion that your heart can't handle it. all of those feelings are manifested in tears and an ugly face. i have NEVER cried in a korean drama or any type of movie in my life. there has never been a secular book or song that has moved me to tears before. there are only three things that can make phil cry:

1. death of a loved one.

i've been to three funerals in my life. obviously, i'll mourn for a loss in my life. seeing/hearing other people cry makes me want to cry too. i feel their pain and can't help but sympathize. i guess this one's a no brainer.

2. guilt of my sin(s).

i hate my sinful nature. i believe that Christ lived and died for me so that i can have a life of righteousness. but no matter how much i believe this truth, i still sin. when your life is so full of sin, you cannot be happy. it opposes our calling to be children of light. the most miserable person in the world is the christian who does not live like one. when i realize that my life is overwhelmed with sin, i will cry.

3. God's love.

whenever i am really reminded of God's faithfulness and grace, tears are inevitable. i am reminded through the Bible, prayer, and songs. the reason for this is because those three things are Gospel-centered. when i remember Christ, i cry thankful tears.


i wish i could cry everyday. i wish i could remember the depths of my sins, but even the greaters depths of God's love...daily. but i guess even these things are not possible in the sinful nature. we are indeed a creation that is prone to forget. if you ever see me crying, praise God because it is just another moment where God is reminding me of what i always forget...

the mistakes I've made
that caused pain
I could have done without
all my selfish thought
all my pride
the things I hide
you have forgot about
they're all behind you
they'll never find you
they're on the ocean floor
your sins are forgotten
they're on the bottom
of the ocean floor
my misdeeds
all my greed
all the things that haunt me now
they're not a pretty sight to see
but they're wiped away
by a mighty, mighty wave
a mighty, mighty wave
your sins are erased
and they are no more
they're out on the ocean floor
take them away
to return no more
take them away
to the ocean floor

these words made me cry today.

Thought of the Day: "Big-Stylez Eddie"
Song of the Day: Audio Adrenaline-Ocean Floor

i think i'm stressed out about finals. last night, i kept tossing in my sleep and whenever i kept waking up, i'd always have the words, "dorsolateral" and "ventromedial" stuck in my head. but for sure, i know i'm not alone on this one. today, i went to psych final review (my first one ever!) and there were a gang of students. during the session, people were so impatient and desperate for help with the study guide. everyone kept interrupting each other and you'd hear people sighing and grunting about different questions and comments. like the girl next to me was the worst. i can't tell you how many "oh my god!"'s and "you should know that!"'s i heard from her. she wouldn't yell or anything but she'd whisper really loud, you know? haha. it was so funny cause this old lady in our class is notorious for asking alotta no-brainer questions and blurting out wrong answers out of no where in lecture. well today, since it was a final review, she was going all crazy and so many students would yell across the room, "can we move on?!" =D the girl next to me was dying. i really really felt sorry for the TA today.

but yeah, this is definitely one of the hardest courses i've ever taken. cognitive neuroscience. upper division is really difficult. man, today's final review was so intense. but i do find comfort in the fact that i'm not alone with the anxiety.

last night:

got the other eugene to shoot pool with me for 2 hours but couldn't get him to watch Poolhall Junkies with me.

today:

failed to get to him shoot pool again.

i think God wants me to study tonight.

Thought of the Day: Can we move on?
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-All My Life

well, it's finals week again. one final tomorrow and three on thursday. i'm usually the diligent type when it comes to studying. i'll get all my stuff done when i have to and make myself study at school when necessary. BUT! when it comes to finals week, i'm a totally different person. it's like transforming from Hyde to Dr. Jekyll. i like to use finals week as a time to catch up on anime and movies or blog a lil more than i usually do. on top of that, i like to distract others who are trying to concentrate with their stressful studies. i'll do whatever it takes to get the job done. studying is always a last resort. explanation? i don't have one either.

so far today...

1. finished Samurai Champloo.
2. started Bleach.
3. grocery shopping.
4. finished wrapping x-mas gifts.
5. convinced the other eugene to watch Interview With A Vampire with me in 30 min.

anthropology can definitely wait.

Thought of the Day: Shameful.
Song of the Day: Celine Dion-O Holy Night

Looney Tunes had a few cartoons where the dog or some character would be frozen blue in the snow and they'd be taken to a fireplace to warm up. their body would go from an icy blue to a warm red-ish orange color as if all of the cold was melting away. that's how i feel whenever i take a nice hot shower these days. particularly today, my feet must have been a few degrees colder than the rest of my body cause they were melting with pain as soon as they touched the steaming water. i've really grown to hate cold weather ever since i moved down to sunny southern california. my tolerance for the cold has lowered as my body has adapted to embracing the hot hot sun. haha. it still boggles my mind how it can still be SO sunny in the month of december! (shaking head). only in california.

today after evening worship service, a few of us went out to eat at Coco's for dinner. we were talking about how so. cal people have a problem of not leaving so. cal becaue they're too comfortable with where they are. as dinkas nicely put it, "if they leave so. cal, they'll die!" it's so true how nobody likes change. cpc hung its head in sadness when pastor told us that he was leaving this month. my brother always complains about how skinny i got or how i'm so old and boring now. i stopped hanging out with many people who i used to consider my friends because they're not the same people who they used to be. change forces us to leave our comfort zones.

this past thanksgiving break, i got a chance to do a lot of talking and thinking about my future plans. it slowly dawned on me that i am already a junior in college and that i'll be graduating in less than two years. before coming to college, i had planned to go study and live in korea for a few years after graduation. well, as graduation nears closer and closer, i was thinking about my original plans of going to korea after college. the more i thought about it, the more i didn't want to follow through. i thought about all of the discomforts and struggles i'd have to face. coming back to the states would involve another difficult transition with work and finances too. besides, an unexpected masters degree in education became a very favorable option after graduation.

like i said, i did a lot of talking and thinking back at home...and i mean ALOT. basically, i've come to the decision that i am going to follow through with my Korea plan. i am going to study korean, teach english, learn the culture, and experience life in korea for at least two years. i never realized that my greatest fear this whole time was CHANGE. i am afraid of change. i am afraid of the different. i am afraid of the unknown. and b/c i feel that this fear appears much greater than it actually is, it is a fear that i am going to overcome. for the longest time, i was so blinded by the cons that i completely forgot about the pros. i have to remember that change has its value as well. there can be long-term growth and fruit from change. i am always reminded of pastor dennis' experience with going from youth group to college group. a difficult beginning that resulted in so much blessing. i am certain that he can testify.

the Looney Tunes dog went from a very cold and frozen state to a very warm and vivacious body. i may experience some painful melting, but one day i will awaken and realize that i needed that change to become alive. besides, i have nothing to lose. Romans 8:28-And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Thought of the Day: Unexpected to.
Song of the Day: O Holy Night