me: i'm taking afro-american psychology this qtr. i get to learn how black people think.
chris: all they do is steal. that's all you need to know.

Thought of the Day: Good to be back.
Song of the Day: Your Name Is Holy

on live 105's website...

All this weekend we give up the wheels of steel to the one man who we're sure could do justice to our crack weekend team... The Man himself... JESUS H. CHRIST. And because of His Lord's fondness for the number 3, he'll be playing sets of 3 song from his favorite Alternative Artists... U2, Queens of the Stoneage, Green Day, and many more.

today's sermon...

pastor ryan: they're giving out eggs today...i don't even know why!


i feel like today is a bit of a mixed up day. stores all over the country are selling easter eggs and chocolate bunnies to people of all ages. at the same time, churches all over the world are celebrating a very SPECIAL day out of the year where they especially remember Christ's resurrection. apparently, Easter is not just an ordinary day for any of us. why is that?

well for non-christians, they celebrate a ridiculous bunny that hides eggs or something. for christians, today seems to be a particular day of happiness and rejoicing. but it wasn't until this year that i realized that "Easter" should be celebrated EVERY sunday. EVERY sunday is to be a day of celebration. EVERY sunday is to be a day where we remember Christ's resurrection. EVERY sunday is to be a day of worship. not just once a year, every spring. not just when the world celebrates that stupid Easter Bunny. if you were particularly blessed by today's worship service, i'd challenge you to question why. in a sense, every Sunday ought to be our Easter.

my brother got confirmed today. praise God.

Thought of the Day: Yes, yes, Lord. Amen.
Song of the Day: How Deep The Father's Love

yesterday during tutoring...

me: jordan, leave us alone!
jordan: gosh, philip, don't be such an ass...
me: !!!!!
jordan: -tronaut. ahahahhahahha.
me: ahahahhahaah. i have to admit, that was pretty good.

it is spring qtr, finals week 2005. two down, two more to go. whenever my tests have short answer/essay questions, i always use my LUCKY PEN. this is a very special pen to me for various reasons. first of all, i love how it doesn't release too much ink, but still rolls smoothly and comes out dark enough for everyone to read. second, although i'm missing the cap, the pen has never failed to dry out in the past...three years! basically, when i used to be an officer with monica kim in yg, she left the pen at my house after using it to take notes. i never gave it back to her because it was such a covetous and wonderful item that i could use for college. so to this day, i use it for writing on my calander, making my flashcards, brainstorming my outlines, and of course, taking my tests. i can't tell when the ink is going to run out because the ink stained the inside of the clear tube. i really don't know what i'll do when i can no longer use my LUCKY PEN. no pen will ever be able to replace it.

moral of the story: don't ever leave anything precious at phil's house caues he'll never give it back.



i have come to the conclusion that my favorite slow jam of all time is Ben E. King's "Stand By Me." come to think of it, i think it was the earliest slow jam that i could ever remember hearing as a child. i don't know if it's because it reminds me of the 1986 movie, Stand By Me, or if it's because i love how passionately King sings the song with his unique voice. maybe it's the nice tune or the simple lyrics that can win any girl's heart (i think). sometimes, i even imagine God singing this song to me. there are also times where i imagine myself singing this song to God (without the "DARLIN', DARLIN'..." stuff of course!). haha. singing a secular song to God. that's when you know a song is awesome.


made my day...

(taking out my id card as i turn in my education final).
professor collins: (takes my test w/o id card). i know who are.
me: *grin* oh.

Thought of the Day: No train.
Song of the Day: Jinusean-Phone Number

ken: hey phil, check out your background later!



it's like Beauty & the Beast...and i'm not the beast. ehehehheehehe. just kidding, molester.

Thought of the Day: Cowboys.
Song of the Day: Kingsmen-Louie Louie

two nights ago, i had a dream that i spit out water while taking a shower. too bad that i thought the dream was real cause i woke up with drool all over my neck and pillow. i promise you, this is the second time this has happened to me. of all the things, i dream of taking showers...

i'm killing some time right now cause i just finished writing my outline for the paper i have to write tonight. writing's kinda like running in a x-country race. 1 page = 1 mile. 1 paragraph = 1 hill. intro = starting line. conclusion = finish line. outline = warming up/stretching. so i'm kinda loosening up my muscles before i start my race. i have so much reluctance and anxiety right now but i know it won't be so bad once i start running. i love that feeling when you've put so much effort into a paper and when you finally finish. you don't care about your time nor who finished before you. when you cross that finish line, you're done. tracking, critical pedagogy, and social capital. AHHH!

look at this picture of terrance i stole from Chang's xanga.



crazy.

Thought of the Day: LONG LIVE KCM!!!
Song of the Day: Third Day-I've Always Loved You

You Will Die at Age 76

76 You're pretty average when it comes to how you live...And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?

Thought of the Day: Addicts.
Song of the Day: Fatboy Slim-Austin Powers Theme

Thought of the Day: "C'mon, twinkle twinkle, baby! Twinkle twinkle!"
Song of the Day: Skillet-Your Name Is Holy

i got a ticket today for driving too close to the car in front of me. 41 mph in a 50 zone, 8 ft. away. he didn't even give me a chance to explain. just straight up "do you know what you did wrong? when you're going that fast and you're that close, you're not going to be able to break in time." *walks away to write ticket* dangit.

as i was driving off, i started flooding myself with situations that could have avoided the ticket. if only i hadn't changed my cds as i was warming up my car. if only i hadn't chosen to wear my red shoes today. if only i hadn't made my appointment to meet today at 1pm. then i realized that by me thinking of all of these "if only" situations, i was pretty much saying that God's will and sovereignty were imperfect or flawed. i don't care so much that i have to pay for the ticket. what really bothers me is the idea of taking traffic school. i HATE traffic school.

so after fieldwork, i came home feeling kinda bummed...

me: i got a ticket today.
julie: let's go eat KOBE!
me: if chris got me KOBE today, i would be really encouraged.
chris: alrite, let's go!

me and my big mouth.

today was my first time having japanese bbq. but more importantly, today was my first time having kobe beef. for you ignorants out there:

Kobe beef is a special grade of beef from (Wagyu) cattle raised in Kobe, Japan. These cattle are massaged with sake and are fed a daily diet that includes large amounts of beer. This produces meat that is extraordinarily tender, finely marbled, and full-flavored. It is also extremely expensive, often costing more than $100 per pound. Because of the high cost and increasing demand, there are now some Kobe-style beef-cattle being raised in the U.S. using the same techniques.



yeah, that's what i ate today. we each must've eaten about 5 pieces of kobe beef. just that plate alone cost $20...and yeah, we ate alotta other stuff too. it's one of the best pieces of meat i have ever eaten in my life. i like chris alot.

Thought of the Day: No MercyMe.
Song of the Day: Sister Act-I Will Follow Him

lately, when i've been telling people that i've been busy, i realized that what i really mean is that i've just been really busy with my thoughts. schoolwork and tutoring doesn't take up that much time. rather, it's the times in between where i feel like my life is engrossed with future plans and goals. FAFSA stuff, next year's living situation, summer plans, grad. school stuff (tests to take, letters of rec., meeting with counselors)-you'd be surprised how much i think about this stuff everyday. i've actually come to the point where i'm stressed out. too many uncertainties and a lack of control. i'm the type to take things "one step at a time," but i feel like i'm in a situation where i have to plan ahead before i take each step. it's alot to think about and i must admit that i often forget God's faithfulness and sovereignty in all of it.

"grad school?! heck no! after my 4 years, i'm out of here and never studying again!"
-phil chung, freshmen year

man, who would've thought that i'd be going to grad school to get a master's degree in education. of course i have my fears that i'll later find out that i hate teaching and that this was all a waste of time and energy. this growing up business is really hard. i just have to remind myself of God's faithfulness everyday. if God was faithful in providing Abraham with Issac, saving and prospering Joseph, protecting David in all of his wars, and of course, giving the world His very own son so that we could be justified, then surely my future is secure with the Lord. Psalm 3:3-"...you bestow glory on me and lift up head." reader, would your head be lifted up in whatever situation you are in as well.



this picture also helps me forget about my worries.

Thought of the Day: Make me proud.
Song of the Day: Mark Schultz-He Will Carry Me

Miracle #1:
i came down with the flu today. i only had a sore throat yesterday, but after being tempted to play some ball i think i got even sicker. i'm pretty sure i got it from edu after ALMOST drinking out of his can on saturday. well, that ALMOST was just enough to make me physically miserable. but it's crazy how God shows mercy to His people. i was studying for my abnormal psych. midterm (tomorrow), but i was incredibly drowsy and delirious. i knew that if i slept, i wouldn't get up til tomorrow morning and that would only leave me with a few hours to study. so in my desperation, i prayed, took some Thera-flu, and decided to crash. once the drugs starting kicking in, instead of falling asleep, i was feeling so much better...better enough to get out of bed and go back to studying! i just finished studying and even ate the rest of my dinner. praise God!

but with this illness, it got me wondering if God knows what it feels like to be sick. surely, God cannot GET sick b/c He is perfect in nature, but He is also a God who is wise and all-knowing. i suppose God can know and understand w/o having to experience. but then again, i'm sure Christ got sick at least a couple of times while he was here on earth. He experienced what we all experience (except sin). but even if Christ never got the flu, i'm sure He knew what it's like. whatever the case, i have been healed by his grace.



Miracle #2
eugene did the dishes today. that made me really happy. no one even told him to do it. i think this is the first time i've experienced him washing the dishes w/o chris nagging him. i wonder what was so different about today. what motivated or inspired him to do this unusual act? was it b/c i was sick? did it finally occur to him that it was unjust that he loaded up the dishwasher while chris and i had to clean up his mess? was he under the influence of drugs/alcohol? man, eugene actually did the dishes today. i didn't even have to ask God for this one. what grace.

Random:



Pretzelboi96 (10:58:56 PM): i like this picture too
Pretzelboi96 (10:58:57 PM): edu and zen
AsianXboi56 (10:59:04 PM): hahaha
AsianXboi56 (10:59:18 PM): edu's the magician and zen's his little helper
Pretzelboi96 (10:59:33 PM): ahahhaahhha

Thought of the Day: Rainy Day Mix.
Song of the Day: Third Day Blind-Motorcycle Driveby

Thought of the Day: Sore throat.
Song of the Day: It Is Well With My Soul

Praise God for antibiotics.

Thought of the Day: DDR-ed out.
Song of the Day: Never Ending Story DDR Mix

in the past two months, i've had three ear infections. i'm still having my third one right now. i have grown a very strong hate for these infections. what people don't realize is that much of your inner ear is connected to your jaw muscles. so when i'm trying to enjoy a simple sandwich that michelle made for me, i am chewing in painful tears. when i got home from fieldwork, i just collapsed into my bed and lay, scrunched up in a humble fetal position. all i could do is think about Job and his boils or Paul and the thorn in his flesh: "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me." i think i've pleaded more like three-HUNDRED times to take away the pain.

i remember when i was 5 or 6, i had an ear infection and all i did was cry in my mom's arms. she couldn't do anything to make the aching go away so she did what all moms do best-hold me as i cried. i really do believe that mothers have a special love for their children that no one can explain. when it comes to protecting and sacrificing for their child, they're freakin' super-heroes. my mom is just a glimpse of what my God is. the tender love. the faithfulness. the most incredible sacrifice.

Romans 8:32-�He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, give us all things?�

please pray for me so that we can rejoice together the next time i see you.

Thought of the Day: Miserable.
Song of the Day: Sara Groves-The Word

Thought of the Day: Sisters' Appreciation Nite!
Song of the Day: Third Day-When The Rain Comes

my past comments on sisters appreciate nites...

"men, if this banquet turns out like crap, remember...they're only girls! HWATEENG!" (Feb 2002).

"and friday is the Sister's Appreciation Nite. omg. we took some crazy pictures at church today, but i can't spoil it for the ladies. ahhahaahhha." (Feb 2003).

"today, we worked on the sisters apprecation nite at church. " (Feb 2004).

i told zenia that this year's theme was going to be Bootcamp. i told her the decorations were going to be like trees and camouflage like a jungle. everyone would dress in army clothes and the guys would bring guns and stuff. she had the most try-not-to-look-upset face in the world...

me: c'mon zenia! you don't like the idea?
(zen walks away).
me: c'mon! i was the one who came up with the idea! you don't like it?!
zen: no it's good!
me: patanga?
zen: ....patanga it's good.


i had the biggest cow after that. (Feb 2005).

Thought of the Day: Where's my pink towel?!
Song of the Day: Wax-Pillow

i was never really a troublemaker growing up. i never talked during class, never hit other kids, and never cut in line. well, maybe not NEVER. there were very very few times where i got caught talking or making fun of someone by the teacher. i remember that every time i was sent outside to have a "timeout," i'd sit on the ground and put my hands between my legs where no one could see what my fingers were doing. i felt so much shame, stupidity, and guilt, but i knew that no one could see my fingers freely twirling on the ground. my hidden fingers symbolized how small and humble i felt, and i didn't want anybody to see it. absolute abashment. i guess it's similar to when Adam and Eve put on fig coverings and hid from God. they were ashamed of their nakedness and did not want to be seen, especially by God.

i think alot of times, we don't realize the depths of our own sins. too often, we are not ashamed or feel the need to repent of the slightest hint of evil. there are countless times where i have judged someone, caught myself in the act, said a mere sorry to God, and forgot about it. is this true repentance? or what about the contrary: overemphasizing our sins and forgetting about God's grace and forgiveness. i remember when i used to party alot, the next morning i'd be mourning for forgiveness all day until i had "felt bad enough." is this real repentance? what exactly is proper repentance? how do you hate your sin yet remember God's greater grace at the same time? how do you have balance so that you don't overemphasize one or the other? i guess even man's efforts to turn away from sin are imperfect. it's kind of like obeying the 4th commandment of keeping the Sabbath holy. no one will ever obey that commandment perfectly.

thank goodness for Christ...always.

prone to wander
Lord I feel it
prone to leave the God I love.

here's my heart, Lord
take and seal it
seal it for thy courts above.

Thought of the Day: Self-control.
Song of the Day: Lena Park-Beautiful You

me: what does "extracted" mean?
jordan: like eliminate.
me: mmm...more like to separate or take out.
jordan: that's what i said! eliminate!

he is smarter, taller, and is beginning to "accidentally" cuss. it's good to have him back.

Thought of the Day: Bad morning.
Song of the Day: Jars Of Clay-Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing

i think blogging at the most inappropriate times of the day are the funnest times to blog. my reason for writing tonight is that i ate ramen a little less than two hours ago and i can't fall asleep on a full stomach. i am crazy awake right now, it's ridiculous. no more than ten minutes ago, andrew kim just farted in his sleep. funny. i don't think i've ever heard him fart in my life.



these days, whenever people ask me how i'm doing, i find myself having a hard time answering that question. as much as i hate telling them the typical "not too bad" or "i've been pretty busy," i still tell them that. how do you answer such a question? i really hate mindless chit-chat. i think Uma Thurman said it best in Pulp Fiction, "why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bull**** in order to be comfortable?" that's one of the reasons why i hate bumping into people on campus, especially those i haven't seen in a long time. we both hate the game, but social rules tell us that we must play. man, i sound terribly antisocial and hostile right now. this wasn't the direction i was intending to write in...

so, how ARE you doing?

i got my mp3 player last friday. it looks pretty different from the picture i posted up. i definitely do not adore it as much as i did before i possessed it though. it's always like that. our imagination always exceeds reality. i'm still glad i got it though.

i started my education fieldwork on wednesday. i observe 7th graders and help them with their homework for three hours every wednesday. i mainly work with Hispanic kids who live in Tustin. i tried to remember what it was like for me to be a 7th grader. oh man that's blurry. all i remember was hating Mrs. Breon for being so hard and being really depressed for no reason. sorry kids, no help from this volunteer.

i also finished watching Full House that night. the previous night, i had watched three episodes. the next night, eugene and i just decided to finish it with a sweep. four episodes in a row. crappy ending but a pretty fun one to watch. "gom seh marheegah, han jeebeh eesuh..." i love that song.


wednesday, 4:56am. phone goes off. "Jordan's Mom." ringer silenced. go back to sleep.

thursday, 11:06am. voicemail. "Jordan's Mom." call her back any time after 3:30.

thursday, 3:31pm. i get my old job back.

"But no matter, God will provide."
-Chang Yuon

and that He did. O praise Him.


"not too bad...i've been pretty busy."

Thought of the Day: I suck at bowling.
Song of the Day: Eminem-Renegade

23 freshmen.

so much fun.

so encouraging.


ear infection.

6 days.

so burdensome.

Thought of the Day: WHO AM I?!
Song of the Day: Velvet Revolver-Slither

to my big stylez friends...

obesity: weight that is greater than 20% for your avg. weight for your age/size
-about 65% of adults are overweight/obese
-over 25% of children are obese
-tendency: those who watch much tv tend to be overweight
-rate of obesity increases by 2% for every hour of tv

Thought of the Day: Freshmen Retreat
Song of the Day: Roora-OH