two years ago from today, i woke up from a night of partying. i was reading a few of my old entries and i realized that there really was little or no mention of it. freshmen year, the months of november and december were months of depravity for me. i did alot of drinking and throwing up in the dorms. the crazy thing is that i knew i was leading a sinful lifestyle. i knew that my dormmates knew i was a christian. i knew so much but did so little to change. i remember those mornings after the parties, crying in my sinfulness as i sat reading Hebrews 12 or listening to "Worlds Apart." i've had some really broken mornings. i had never been so depressed in my life. but apparently, i loved my sin too much and i'd repeat this cycle week after week. (Romans 7).

we all have our personal sins that we struggle with. we pray our prayers of forgiveness and ask God to change us. it's tough. to change, that is. really tough.

i think that's what makes the Gospel so beautiful. it tells us that we are all dead in our sin and there is nothing we can do about it. but then there was grace. it is nothing that we do. it is only what God did. even after i write this entry, i know i will fail again in my fight of faith. i will regret sinning again. i will ask God for His forgiveness again. and i will fight and fail again and again and again.

but just as God was faithful in bringing me out of my sin two years ago, i know He will bring me out of the sins that i struggle with right now. what grace.



(man, what a "God picture").

Thought of the Day: Pejorative.
Song of the Day: Jimmy Eat World-Futures