i signed off aim and just finished brushing my teeth, getting ready for bed. and then it occurred to me what i had wanted to blog about earlier this morning. last night, i dreamt of dinko but i don't remember anything that happened. the only thing i do remember was learning that his name was supposed to be spelled, "DINCO." it's stupid when i think about it now but it made perfect sense in the dream.

i also remember a dream i had exactly one week ago. i remember this dream b/c it was so vivid! i was playing hold'em, 1 on 1, at this casino table with this really hot white blonde girl. she was wearing this really scandalous red dress and she was really nice. as we were playing, i was evangelizing to her and she was actually open to what i had to say. she was very receptive to my words and i was very encouraged. then *POOF!* stupid ken called me and asked if he could get a ride to clusters. man, i never dream of really hot white blonde girls.

i think it's really weird how these past few weeks have been full of references to simulacra/simulation from my film class. for all of you ignorants, i'm talking about how we know what is real and what is not real. it's kinda like The Matrix where you're not sure who or what you are. for all you know, you could be this programmed robot that thinks/looks/acts like a human. how do you know your memories are real and genuine? how do you know if they're not just implanted? this kinda theme has been coming up ever since i learned about simularcra in my film class. first, The Matrix. then Blade Runner. then my book, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? and finally, the anime i'm currently watching, Full Metal Alchemist. of course, our only standard for truth is God's Word. apart from God, nothing can exist. but i must say, i think i finally REALLY understand The Matrix.

it's been really hot these days. irvine's supposed to be one of the cooler parts of so. cal too! life must be tough for cerritos, la, and RIVERSIDE! but as i always love to share, i absolutely enjoy these hot sunny days. like my brother and i always talk about..."it's all about the LA SUMMER NIGHTS!" to be able to go outside in your t-shirt and shorts at midnight w/o a hint of displeasure, man you so. cal people really take this crap for granted. i mean, i'm sure there's a few of you guys who enjoy it too but you seriously just don't appreciate as much as you ought to. it makes me angry sometimes. but then, i just open my window, let the nice breeze cool me off, and i'm back to smiling. =D

i have/had a Barnabas in my life. it's really hard to love him. everyday, i realize how sinful i am. my heart lacks so much love. often times, i forget that God has placed him in my life for a reason and i've been placed in his life for a reason. with so much sin, there is so much more grace. it's brilliantly profound when you think about it. i'm not encouraging abuse. i'm encouraging humility. my thoughts jump all over the place. the hands that type these words cannot keep up with the pace of my mind. i always say this crap. God is good. but this crap will never become redundant.

you know what's been helping me sing during praise time at church? as i am singing the words, i imagine myself in heaven singing the same song along with the rest of the elect. i forget how John describes the deluge of people but dude...it's a GRIP! when i imagine myself singing and praising along with everyone else, i can't help but think that i am genuinely worshipping God b/c that's what heaven will be like. we'll be in our perfect and glorified bodies worshipping our perfect God. it will be glorious! even with my imperfect and sinful mind, just the glimpse of being able to do that really encourages me and keeps me focused during praise. i don't know if it's an incorrect attitude or perspective but try it out next time. it works for me.

Thought of the Day: Hawaiian shirt has no regrets.
Song of the Day: That stupid Chungook slow song.

(watching Chungook)...

me: dude, yuri's so cute!
(kwon sang woo appears).
danny: he's cute.

Thought of the Day: Shilmido was a really good movie.
Song of the Day: Turbo Megamix

i started watching Stairway to Heaven two nights ago. i was supposed to sleep an hour ago. danny boy is hooked and didn't want to stop after the third episode...

danny: i already decided not to go to class tomorrow!

a bastard is my roommate. now i'm only stuck with about 4 hours of sleep for tomorrow.


i like dinko b/c he encourages me whenever i talk to him. but i like God more.

Thought of the Day: God's Word rebukes us.
Song of the Day: That stupid drum song from the drama.

here's an unexpected email that i got from a friend in korea that i met two years ago...


hi ~gyung won! it's song ih~!

how are you doing? Your news it is anxious during that time plentifully..

The American weather is how? Korea comes to be hot plentifully,Complete summer Oh! You the health trembles U?There isn't a sick place?Your university it is coming and going? It comes and goes to the university.

And...Architecture subject 1 grade~^^

oops~! i'm sorry ...As you may know. I am not so good at English.

I hope you`ll overlook my mistakes in my letter, if any.
um..gyung won! i passed my driver's test! ^^

i was very nervous and worried, butI did good.hehe!^^

The examination which spreads out when Oh!?

Me from today midterm examinations. It is many to study...

When it comes to Korea?Summer vacation time it comes?

It will come certainly to Korea and. I missing you~

Here I stop writing, because I have to study...(but i feel sleepy..zzz)

And..i hope our deep friendship will last forever...^^*


you light up my life~~~~~��


i hope i can go to korea this summer. =D

Thought of the Day: Simulacra sucks!
Song of the Day: CIIK-Once In A

i loved preschool.
i loved kindergarten.
i loved grades 1-4.
once i hit 5th grade, i started getting C's on my report card and i actually had to start thinking and learning for myself.
i didn't like grades 5-6.
i HATED grades 9-12.

so here i am, a college student in his second year. just like high school, i dread waking up and GOING to class. in fact, every monday, wednesday, and friday morning i have this 5 min. debate with myself on whether or not i should drop my bio class. haha. i have very hateful thoughts of school when i wake up every morning (9:00 classes blow!). even the thoughts of writing papers and reading neverending articles really pisses me off. fudge, don't even get me started on studying for midterms and finals. anyways, i had a point with all of this griping. i, Philip Chung, have learned to really appreciate school in my college years. i LOVE how i learn so much in my different lectures and even from doing my hw. to see how God works in all of the things that we learn really helps me in this educational process too. but even aside from that, i wanted to share how despite how much i hate reading and going to class and taking notes and doing labs and...i love how i am forced to do such things. if i did not have ASSIGNED reading, i know that i would never discipline myself to read on my own to educate myself. if some of my classes did not make attendance part of my grade, i know that i would never discipline myself to go to class. if my classes did not have difficult midterms, i would never discipline myself to STUDY! even being forced to go to school, i know that i would never discipline myself to have a productive day due to excessive sleep. i did not intend my point to go so long and become this boring. i love school. praise God.

Thought of the Day: I got the right colors!
Song of the Day: Neil Diamond-Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon

my blog has just been full of 1 liners or a few sentences at most. what a tease.

this qtr. seems like it's going to be a really busy one. it turns out that i'm actually going to have to do all the reading for my film class and my soc. class has three different books. assigned reading for each of those books every week. on top of that, i got a new student to tutor...

(phone rings during lunch).
me: hello?
stranger: hi. can i ask you something? (terrible accent).
me: sorry, i'm really busy right now (assuming it was a telemarketer).
stranger: do you know won suk?
me: uh yes.
stranger: you tutor them english?
me: ......hangook saram eesehyoh?
stranger: OH! NEH NEH!!!
me: ooooooo.

so this guy who i thought would be about my dad's age turned out to be this young guy in his early thirties. he wants me to tutor him and his wife in english! "WHAT?!" right? no writing. just speaking straight up: grammar, courtesy, slang...all that good stuff. he wanted to meet for dinner so i went to his house that same night he called me. REALLY nice people! you know, the kind that say "thank you" 5 times in two sentences?
it was kinda cool cause i could tell they felt really comfortable with me being their tutor and all. i mean, they wanted me to give them their english names right there on the spot! since the guy's name was Jin Hee, i just told him to call himself Jin. however, his wife's name was Hye Rim. i tried to think of nice names that started with an H. she thought Helen sounded too old-fashioned so i figured she wanted something original. i guess those koreans are tired of having the typical korean-american name. *shrug* the only H name i could think of at the time was Harriet (and i don't even know any in real life or in fiction). haha. they both really liked it so i guess her name's Harriet now. hmmmm, now that i think about it, i think Heather would have been a good name too. oh well.

oh yeah, they found out about me through my other students. Harriet actually happens to be jordan's violin teacher. God knows that i have been wanting/needing at least one more student. God provides. God is good.

i've been playing alotta hold'em these days. i even bought some nice chips on ebay which i hope to receive tomorrow. man, i never knew i'd get so hooked on this game. i can definitely understand why albert quit/is taking a break from hold'em. i can definitely see the dangers of idolatry and greed in just playing an "innocent" game of poker. freakin' satan. he'll use ANYTHING to make you sin. i'm trying really hard to learn how to play the game with the right heart. if i fail to learn soon, i'll have to abstain from this liberty for a bit just like i did with blackjack.

i've been reading 1 Kings for my devotionals these days. i felt like this was one of those books that weren't so good for devotionals. perhaps i'm immature and i'm not just reading the book correctly. but today, i read about Solomon's fall b/c of his sinful relationships with his hundreds of wives and concubines. it hit me that just b/c you're the wisest and most knowledgeable person in the world doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be the most obedient person. i mean, you figure that having wisdom means "knowing better" and to "know better" is to obey God. if anything, it only makes you a bigger fool to "know better" and to not live accordingly. well it just so happens that i feel like King Solomon these days. i really do "know better" yet i live like i don't. while i'm out there judging the whole world, here i am pointing two fingers back at myself. funny how the wisest king to ever live was no better than me. we both need Christ.

and finally, my last piece of update. i finally got justin's belated bday gift to me a few days ago. Bose computer speakers. i never thought it'd come but it finally came...unexpectedly too. thank you for the new speakers, my friend. i am putting them to good use (ebay). lol. just kidding.

Thought of the Day: Spanish is so hard!
Song of the Day: Your Great Renown

BIBLICAL SUPPORT FOR ARMINIANISM!


Thought of the Day: Japanese Fatheads!
Song of the Day: Untitle-Give Me Responsibility

i went to my first Angels game today. Seattle lost by 1 in the 9th inning. bummer. today was Free Hat Day.

Thought of the Day: So young.
Song of the Day: Ref-What Are You

every sunday should be like today's Easter Sunday. we should always be celebrating and having great fellowship within the church. every sunday.

Thought of the Day: Cocaine's one helluva drug.
Song of the Day: Cool-Beach's Woman

"thank you so much!" said crawford.

"man, i want to blog..." said phil.

it's past my bedtime, i should be doing the reading i barely even started today, i haven't brushed my teeth, and i haven't changed into my pjs yet either. i actually have this urge to blog right now. i never put crap off just to blog. no wait, that was a lie.

i just came back from watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. after seeing the preview, i had already made up my mind that this movie was going to suck. i strongly felt that Jim Carrey was destined for comedy and comedy alone. and besides, the plot looked too messy and complicated and kind of typical and i didn't like any of the other actors/actresses. *shrug* jane yu told me to watch it while we stopped for McDonald's on the way up north. and just like everyone said, it was a good movie.

as i was watching the movie, i realized the people who made this movie purposely put and emphasized many scenes that concentrated on the "simple pleasures of life." almost instantaneously, i thought of Amelie. people like to be reminded of things that we take for granted. it like keeps us in check and stuff and encourages us to, you know, not take things for granted. but as i was thinking about it more, i was reminded that all of these pleasures come from God. our awesome creator made everything GOOD. when we see or hear the word, "pleasure," we usually think of food, sleep, sex, people, fun, food, sleep, etc.. but i find it amazing how there are SO many small things that are so pleasureable. ok phil, you already said that...what are trying to get at? well, after watching this movie and thinking about not taking alotta things for granted (such as your memories), i am once again reminded of how awesome and gracious our Lord is. even with a secular movie, i can still praise God.

Clementine needs Christ. so does Joel.

hmmm, i was going to blog about how i hate "very emotional" people and my weekend with chang and the gang (that rhymes), but my urge to blog has ceased. oh yeah, my weird dreams have ceased too!

Thought of the Day: I am so sinful.
Song of the Day: Mozart Piano Sonatas

Thought of the Day: "Sand is overrated. They're just tiny rocks."
Song of the Day: Mercy Me-I Can Only Imagine

i wrote about two different dreams that i had today. i briefly wrote about my ride down with jess and crawford. however, i wrote a GRIP about my position on the theology of the creation of sin. 2 hours spent writing this crap. this was my second attempt to rewrite this entry as a result of a previous blackout earlier during the day. *sigh* who would've thought that there'd be a second blackout. i can think of a few reasons why God might not have allowed me to post my entry...

1. i still need to finish the third part of the debate, God Sovereignty.
2. i still need to read Sproul's chapter, Who Dunit?, in his book Almighty Over All.
3. people aren't ready to hear what i have to say just yet.

angry i was. "WHY GOD?!" i questioned. i can only tell myself that God is sovereign. Job 40:5-I spoke once, but I have no answer-twice, but I will say no more.

Thought of the Day: Cake is too sweet.
Song of the Day: Notorious BIG-Big Poppa

a very INTERESTING way to start off 20...

all the irvine guys and i were in korea. we were in this program with all these fobs and they were making us participate in this eating activity. basically, you paired up with a fob and you took turns feeding each other this very interesting korean dish (like this red mandoo thing wrapped in this spicy thing). it makes me sad that this dish does not exist in real life cause it was DANG GOOD! anyways, my partner and i were having some communication problems. there was even this book that explained how to wrap it and everything but i just couldn't get it. so everyone was being pretty successful except for us. i asked my cousin to help me out but he just gave me his I Don't Know and continued feeding his partner. pissed off i was! i left the stupid activity and found eugene doing a really good job with his partner. haha. chris was lying down next to him, giggling as he was red drunk...

me: dude, how do you wrap that thing?
eugene: it's easy man!

yeah, what a way to encourage.

jay and i had to get something for danny's bday so we had to buy something for him last minute. i remember him telling me to go to Albertson's while he went somewhere else. i got out of his red car (the same car that Frank had (from Old School)) and ran inside. we ended up getting him a Get Backers board game and headed back to my new 2 bed 2 bath apt. that i shared with him. as always, he was very lonely and bored so he was pretty happy to see us.

finally, i was playing hold'em with about 5 strangers and danny. man, first hand i had pocket jacks!!! i bet half my chips ($5) on the preflop and everyone played!

flop: J A (and some random card)

i go all in.

everyone folds except this guy sitting right next to me.
calls.
we flip our cards.
me: (pocket jacks disappear?!)
stranger: A and some random card.
*people OOOOOO-ing for me*

turn: random card.

river: A!

dude, i know that freakin' bastard switched my cards or something.

next game...

me: pocket jacks again!!!

all in.

everyone calls!

everyone flips:

*people OOOOOO-ing for me* again

different stranger has pocket 6's.

flop: J 6 and some random card.

turn: A

river: 6

oh my. 4 of a kind.

Thought of the Day: It's my birthday and I can cry if I want to.
Song of the Day: Dishwalla-Angels and Devils

this is my first time having a sore butt. i don't even know how i worked the muscle. it feels kinda good though.

chang made me an awesome burger today....

me: what are we eating today?
chang: something meaty.

lol.

finally watched Amadeus. Mozart is the man!

Thought of the Day: Burgers burned in charcoal.
Song of the Day: M-flo-Miss You

Fatboy Slim-Tequila Remix playing. you know what that means...FINALS ARE FINISHED!!!

math final: i think i got 8/10 problems correct.

film final: good and bad. good b/c i studied the right terms. bad b/c...

*finished first essay question*.
(looks at second question).
(rereads the question).
(rereads the question).
*shakes head*
*turns in test and exits lecture hall*

if i fail this class, i'm going to be SO unhappy!

bio final: =D

korean final: =D

i got a new phone 2 days ago. i haven't had a new phone in a pretty long time. it's weird going back to a flip phone. you have to like open/close it and stuff. but i'm pretty content with it. onechuel started working at this phone store in irvine so he hooked me up pretty well. all verizon carriers can now talk with me free! (except for you, crawford). but more than being happy with my phone, i like my ringtone the best! $1.99 is so worth it! 949-322-0260. i wanna hear my phone ringtone!

stealing from chang:

LOL! Arminian Grace

Arminian grace! How strange the sound
Salvation hinged on ME
I once was lost then turned around
Was blind then chose to see

What "grace" is it that calls for choice
Out of some good within?
The part that willed to heed God's voice
Proved stronger than my sin

Through many ardent gospel pleas
I sat with heart of stone
But then some hidden good in me
Propelled me toward my home

When we've been there ten thousand years
Because of what we've done
We've no less days to sing our praise
Than when we first begun

- Dennis Walter Cochran

Thought of the Day: Finished!!!
Song of the Day: Fatboy Slim-Tequila Remix (obviously)

i finally found out that why my car was reeking of gasoline. remember my pleasant experience with my car running out of gas during thanksgiving break? well, a months after that, i decided to keep an emergency tank of gas in my trunk cause you know...just in case! unfortunately, what was supposed to be tightly sealed container happened to conveniently open up just enough to maliciously contaminate my whole trunk. i tried "shampooing" my trunk last night and i think it's getting a little better. chris said it would take about a week for the brain-killing odor to become no more. i don't know, i think i either lost or retarded my sense of smell. the drive up north is going to be an unhealthy one.

kevin's been over at our place this whole week. we've been playing lots of hold'em in my room every single night. i also started downloading the World Series of Poker 2003 and been watching those. man, just watching those guys is SO intense! i find it so interesting how all of the players have such different backgrounds. you got your cowboy accents, the cocky vietnamise smiles, sunglasses in various shapes and sizes, and of course, kids who have barely finished college all the way to geezers who look lost half the time. i'm so glad i learned how to play hold'em this year.

finals has arrived once again. you know what that means...MARATHON IN IRVINE!!! i'm almost done with the movie downloads so all i need is the company and click goes the Play button. haha i can already hear LA cussing.

Thought of the Day: ALL IN!
Song of the Day: M-flo & Boa-Love Bug Big Bug NYC Mix

i took april to go watch a movie at night. on the way there, everyone started crowding around my car. i got out of my car and saw that i had a flat tire. then my car started smoking up everywhere and my mom appeared out of no where! she started lecturing me about taking care of my car and made such a big fuss out of a stupid flat tire. haha. ironically, it happened to be the front right tire, which was the same tire that Kevin thought looked a little flat. anyways, my mom's behavior becomes so inappropriate that i drag her away from everyone to a nearby outdoor restaurant. i remember she was wearing alotta make up and this nice looking blue dress. MORE LECTURING!!! i couldn't take it anymore and i just blew up on her. i hadn't fought with her in a long time but this was just retarded. man, i was so emotional and caught up in my words that even my korean sounded perfect. she started crying and apologizing her and i just bounced. freakin' hate her!

dream #2...

i became one of the Olsen twins (i don't know which one). but we were on this obstacle course of some sort that was crazy dangerous. all i remember was swimming through random tunnels and always bumping into my sister. it all came down to this last obstacle where i was supposed to climb down this ladder that was a good 100 ft. high. but the tricky thing was that i had these giant pliers to prevent me from slipping. those stupid things were useless b/c the only thing they really did was cause me to slip! the announcer guy kept acting all gay and laughed at our cute attitudes. funny how i can still remember wearing a white bathing suit. anyways, i slid down the ladder pole which happened to be real fun and safely made it down. i was a very angry twin with an annoying little sister.

weird dreams. this is my first time that i've dreamt that i was a girl. i think another weird dream i had on sat. was being really good buddies with Greg Bahnsen. he actually happened to look like Dr. Johnson (from Westminster (of the speakers at One Voice)) and even had his voice. but yeah, we were like tight and i was so happy and proud.

i don't find pleasure in writing much about my days these days even though i feel that they're eventful. as of late, i think i just like to reflect...i think i'm getting old.

my brother turns 15 today. man, i hated that age. that was the age where i fought with my mom the most! i think we literally fought at least once a week. a bastard i was to my mother (shaking head). i remember being so lost with friends too. i had no idea who i was. i didn't know where i fitted in. i was incredibly socially awkward. i was just hating it. so with that said, Happy Birthday, Simon!

haha just kidding. 15 also had its blessings. that was the age when i slowly felt more accepted in yg. that was the age i first liked someone beyond a crush. the first time experiencing heartache is definitely a killer. 15 was when i played basketball regularly after school. =D memorable times.

jpop is fading and korean's coming back. it's all about old school nostalgia.

Thought of the Day: Happy Birthday, Simon.
Song of the Day: Cool-Before I Become Sad Remix

Thought of the Day: We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz.
Song of the Day: Diva-Hey Boy

running-day #2. today, my 2 mile time was 19:38. such a terrible reality. that is why i've concluded that i ran an extra lap today. my real time should be in the 18's. =D anyways, as i was running today i started to think about my high school x-country years. my friend, wesley chan, was really fast and always seemed to improve every time he raced. but i remember this one particular time when i was waiting at the finish line to cheer on the first runners from our team to come in. wesley ran really fast that day and actually came in second place! but after he finished, he collapsed and threw up! freakin' incredible huh?
note: x-country runners who throw up after they run means that they ran to their body's full potential.
i thought and thought about it and realized that he seriously put his body to the MAX! he gave it his all and he had done so well.
as i was running today, i thought about the analogy of our chistian lives being like a long race. i think alot of us run the way i run when i run at the arc-pacing yourself well in the beginning and slowly degenerating with every lap. =D i mean in a race, you definitely have your ups and downs throughout the event. but what counts is that you gave it your best. i think the same thing should go for lives as christians. my encouragement to everyone is not run like out-of-shape phil, but rather run like i-am-so-going-to-throw-up-after-this wesley. Philippians 4:14-I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me hevaenward in Christ Jesus.

i had another one of those days where i felt really proud to be a student at UC Irvine. as i was walking to my film studies class, i seriously had the best view of my beautiful campus. my school has the greenest grass, the warmest sun, the nicest breeze, and the most appealing buildings. i remembered that debate justin had with dave and john chi about choosing Irvine or Davis for college. lol. today was another one of those days where i was glad i listened to dave and john chi. "this is irvine. this is riverside. this is davis." lol.

i'm also really glad that it's march. i freakin' hate februaries cause it's the worst month of the year!

feb.
1. middle of winter qtr.
2. crappiest cold, rainy weather.
3. women's banquet.
4. Valentine's Day.
5. SO busy!

i cannot wait til spring break!

Thought of the Day: Why am i coughing so much?
Song of the Day: Lim Chang Jung-Gone With The Wind

i got a $56 parking ticket today. cited at 1:24am...in the freakin' rain. i always knew it was wrong but i always got away with parking on the red. i hate parking at Park West. it shouldn't even be called "Park West." it should be called "Our Parking Freakin' Sucks So Don't Live Here Apartments." i can always ease myself with a little optimistic thinking: well, at least i didn't get a speeding ticket or anything. at least i didn't get my car towed. at least i didn't have to pay ANYTHING over $56. well, all i can think of is two words: BUT STILL!!! ticket is a ticket and sucks is a sucks. $56 could have bought me 4 dongchimees! that's four separate euphoric experiences that just got stolen by the Irvine Parking Administration. if God wills for me to renounce my faith sometime in my life, i'm going to burn the police department down...AFTER i get my $56 back!

i started running again today. the first day is always the WORST. i finished 2 miles in 18 min. today. i think i skipped a lap or two cause there was no way i could've finished 2 miles with the fatigue i was running at. i don't like it when i'm running and people look at my face. they know just as much as i know that i'm hating it so much. sometimes i see girls laughing too. i wonder if they're laughing at me.

Thought of the Day: I want the permit for the rest of the school year.
Song of the Day: Wild Cherry-Play That Funky Music

i don't like the black part in bananas. it's moist, soft, and uncomfortably sweet. i hate how 80% of the banana will be yellow and white, but the remaining 20% will be black. you've enjoyed a very good portion of it up until the last bite. the last bite is the most important part b/c it completes the activity. everything needs good closure. if the plot was incredible throughout the whole movie but the ending got cut off, you're pretty much going to feel dissatisfied with the whole thing. when you're eating your in n' out burger and you're down to your last bite, dropping that last bite onto the floor will only convince you that you're not comfortably full yet. you need closure with everything. i ate my last banana today. it had very bad closure.

Thought of the Day: "He descended into hell."
Song of the Day: Fastball-The Way

a few days ago on the phone...

mom: your father and i will be married for 24 years on tuesday.
me: 24 years?!
mom: well, minus 10.
me: hehe yeah.

i know my mom still has it tough not living with my dad for so long. man, i can't believe it's been 10 years since my dad went to korea while my mom stayed back here with me and simon. i remember the first few years without my dad. it was really hard not having a dad at first. but every year, i got more and more used to it. of course by now, my whole family can get by just fine w/o the dad in the house. i still disagree with my dad's decision to live and work in korea without his family. but i'm not writing this so that you'll pity me or my mom or even my brother. rather, i praise God that He has been so faithful to all of us even through the separation of our father. even though my mother did not have a husband by her side for the past decade, God has continually provided and blessed her in so many ways. if my dad had never gone to korea, i may have never moved to burlingame. if i had never moved to burlingame, i may have never gone to kcpc. i may not have never gone to mills. i may never have ended up at irvine. i may have never gone to cpc...the list goes on. God is sovereign. i praise Him for that.

Thought of the Day: Alice doesn't like anybody.
Song of the Day: Britney Spears-Toxic

whether one had a legit excuse or not, i pity those who did not attend the One Voice Conference. even though i liked last year's event very much, i enjoyed and appreciated this one so much more. the speakers were SO money! it amazes me to see how knowledgeable those pastors and teachers are. i remember waiting for the conference to start today in the afternoon. as i was waiting, i saw the speakers (pastors so-and-so and westminster deans and crap) just lounging to kill some time. man, i really wanted to introduce myself and talk to them, but to have such a preconceived knowledge that these guys were hardcore theologians ("big tymers" i call them) really intimidated me. man, just staring at them with my curious eyes like a shy little boy! haha. when i think about the amount of theology i know, i think of it as a great revelation in the form of grace. but to see how much THOSE fools know (no pun intended), THEY must be overwhelmed with so much more grace. i really do believe that the more you know and understand God's character, the more you will love Him.
favorite quote of the conference: "Praise God. Let's pray."-Pastor Steve Park

Thought of the Day: Soli Scriptura.
Song of the Day: M-flo & Crystal Kay-I Like It

i finally finished All About Eve on tues. and Hajime No Ippo today. i really liked both of them. i think hajime is one of the most inspirational and encouraging animes out there. whenever i go workout at the arc, i'm always thinking about ippo and how disciplined he was. he worked so hard with his puny body and character...and what do you know, he becomes Japan's Featherweight Champion. freak, his body is like so ripped too! it like gives me hope and crap. lol. whenever i run, i only hear that one song with the electic guitar in my head. there's no better song for working out.

i realized that i really dislike people who give me stupid excuses for the things they do or do not do. i would much rather hear a straight and real answer for their behavior. why is it that so many people try so hard to conceal their lazy, ignorant, or apathetic character? not that i'm not guilty of doing this myself. it just makes me angry when people bs right at my face. it insults me so bad. my hope is that God will show them this sham and freakin' BREAK them! =D just kidding. i'm such a sinner.

don't you hate it when you're encouraging or praying for someone and there's no sign of improvement or effort on their side? you feel like your efforts are wasted and you label them as a lost cause. so many times, i've stopped encouraging/praying for people b/c i was discouraged by the lack of any progress. whether it be asking people to read the Bible, to STUDY for once, or even trying to plug people into church, it's so hard to have a heart for those people when they just don't appreciate your efforts. so then, what are we supposed to do? do we continue to work out our lost causes or do we let go and let God? i think Paul set a very good example for what kind of attitudes we ought to have.

Phillippians 1:3-10-I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowdlege and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.

man, Paul really loved the church of Phillipi. i think we ought to have attitudes similar to Paul's, constantly praying for those he loved and trusting that "God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. "

i found out today that my students that i tutor will only need me to come in twice a week. that means only $60 a week. especially since i'm saving up for missions, i'm reallly going to have to be wise with how i spend my money. i can't just buy stupid things on ebay or go out to eat with clusters anymore. despite my discouragmenet, i know that God is faithful. if He provides me with meals to eat everyday and a bed to sleep on every night, then surely He will continue to provide for my future needs.

Thought of the Day: I'm totally feeling Jpop music these days.
Song of the Day: Hamasaki Ayumi-Seasons Piano Mix

i think it's really funny how chang responded to my blog on gambling. i specifically remember as i was writing that night, i knew EXACTLY how chang was going to respond. i think i was just very careless with my words and pretty tired at the time. but the fact is, there is no excuse for presenting my ideas in such an unacceptable manner for it could cause harm to a large number of people. i'm glad that there are people like chang (pharisees) who can always correct me and REALLY make me think.

i finally confronted my roommate today. finally.

Thought of the Day: A very interesting day.
Song of the Day: M-flo-Loves Melody

another insomniac night...

after i woke up to a phone call, i knew i wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. i just kinda sat on my bed in the dark and began to reflect alot. i thought about the different things i could blog about but for some reason, i didn't feel like writing any of it. i just wanted to sit there and think. however, i really do feel that writing out your ideas really helps you to think more concretely and to express your thoughts better. you have a better idea of what you're really thinking inside too.

yesterday, i shot pool with jay at zotzone. i hadn't shot pool for a while so i thought it'd be fun playing with my discipler. man, what was supposed to be about 1 hour turned out to be 3. i lost count of how many times i had said, "alrite, let's play one more." it was really fun though. i think there are very few people who enjoy pool as much as i do. i feel like it's one of those games that are just so rewarding since it involves so much precision and skill...and when you have that precsion and skill, you definitely feel rewarded. =D just like the good ol' days. anyways, as we were playing i asked jay if he liked to gamble. he shared with me his thoughts on gambling and it really struck me when he said, "all i'm saying is, if you're playing 20 dollar blackjack hands, you'd better be willing to give that much for offering on Sundays." that gave me a new perspective on my personal position with gambling. jay may sound legalistic with his statement but i think his point was more focused on where your heart is and how we ought to be careful with how we choose to use our money. i guess we tend to brush gambling off more as a liberty than a danger. unfortunately, i think i had to learn the hard way this past year. i must agree with jay when he says, "everything is permissable but not beneficial. i think it does more harm than good."
note: when i say "gambling," i mean gambling in casinos.

today, we worked on the sisters apprecation nite at church. lately, i've just been thinking about the college group for next year. who're going to be our new officers? who the heck is going to take charge and lead our ministry? when i look at the college group right now, my heart fills with sorrow as i see a lack of leadership in our people. when i think about our seniors leaving after this year, i feel like the college group is going to go down the drain. that's right guys, it's time to leave cpc and find a new church! =D just kidding. i mean, i know that God uses the weak to do great things in this world. but gosh, i'm just so curious!

watching All About Eve...

ben: you know that kim so young girl? i freakin' want to kill her!

danny: gosh, i wish she'd grow some balls so i can kick them!

ben: you know that part when chae rim is trying to speak english? it makes me want to cuss!

i think it's more entertaining just talking about the drama than watching it. haha.

places i still need eat at:

1. Spaghetti Factory
2. Brazilian BBQ
3. Priscilla's restaurant

Thought of the Day: "Ehneh!"
Song of the Day: Jaci Velasquez-If This World

i just finished watching two episodes of Hajime No Ippo. hajime is a boxing anime that i've been watching since winter break now. i really enjoy it cause it gives losers like me a sense of hope and determination to...become buff? haha. it has some awesome characters (takamura) with some intense humor ("the ippo firework"). but as i've been watching this, i realize that ippo is never satisfied with where he's at. he's determined to become stronger and stronger even after he wins his tournaments. he wants to fight better people and really "learn what it means to be strong." even though i'm only on episode 44 out of 72, it hit me that ippo is never going to be satisfied. after he beats one guy, there'll always be someone stronger. after he beats that guy, there'll be another guy waiting for him again. it's ridiculous. i've concluded that ippo needs Christ. he can fight and win all he wants but he will never be content. his life has become boxing and it will continue to be with no complete satisfaction.

i'm also watching All About Eve with danny. this is a korean drama that april let me borrow so danny and i watch a couple every week. pretty dramatic and actually fun to watch. but even more so with this one, you can definitely see the need for Christ in every character's life. i think that's the constant thought i'm thinking of when i'm watching these dramas or anime. w/o Christ, your situations will only become worse. and if they get better, your happiness will be temporary. you have to constantly find some kind of meaning in your life. (Ecclesiastes 1:2-"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."). i couldn't have said it better myself.

even with this knowledge that i have, i realize that i continue to fall into the same problem. my sinful nature desires to have that temporary pleasure that will result in emptiness. i cry out to God to forgive me everyday as i fall into the same sinfulness over and over again. the same cycle that the Israelites went through for hundreds and thousands of years. we learn. we sin. we learn. we sin. But...Romans 6:14-For sin shall not be your master, beacuse you are not under law, but under grace.
it always goes back to grace doesn't it?

movies that i still need to see:

1. Pretty Woman
2. Amadeus
3. Cocktail
4. Days of Thunder
5. Gone With the Wind
6. Citizen Kane
7. Tampopo
8. Donnie Brasco
9. Annie

oh yeah, i got a flat tire last night. i went to commons to go study and when i came back, my front left was flat. apparently, i had gone over a nail sometime that night. well, i think i know how to change my own tire now. another learning experience with the car.

Thought of the Day: Audience laughter is interesting.
Song of the Day: Chopin-Ballad In G Minor

me: hey, pay attention!
jordan: kay!
me: gay?! did you just say, "gay?"
jordan: no, i said o-KAAAAY!
me: oh.
jordan: wait, what's gay?
me: um....
jordan: oh, isn't michael jackson gay?
me: ahahhahahahahah.

Thought of the Day: Flat Tire.
Song of the Day: Chopin-Ballad In G Minor

on sat., i gave crawford one of my webwork math problems to do cause i was stuck. that girl tried and tried and just could not get it. she collasped at a (81/2)pie or (40.5)pie and gave up the struggle. "INCORRECT," it said. well i was stumbling over the problem today and came upon the same answer. i typed in 40.5(3.14). "CORRECT." silly me just realized that "pie" and "3.14" will give you totally different answers. danny told me that crawford was "seriously screaming" when she found out. scream louder, dear. i can't hear you over my laughter. =D

Thought of the Day: OLIGODENDROCITES MAKE MYELIN SHEATH IN THE CNS!!!
Song of the Day: FF X-To Zanarkand

wednesday:

me: anacondas are really big snakes! have you seen the movie?
dillon: no.
me: well, they're REALLY big! what if an anaconda came into your house and was right there in your living room?
dillon: i'd run to my room.
me: but what would you do? what if it comes in?
dillon: i'd wear all of my hockey gear and jump out the window!
me: WHAT?! you do know that this is a two story house right? why don't you just try and run out the front door? too scared?
dillon: yeah. i think if i jump out the window, there will be enough cushion from my hockey gear.

i swear this kid thinks he's SO smart! i'm going to bring me an anaconda one day and hide his hockey gear. =D

today: Jordan's Freewrite

Why I Hate Burritos

I hate burrito because it taste gross. It has weird bread with peanut and some grossy spicial soas. I hate it because it looks and taste grossly. I think nothing can make burritos better. That's how bad I feel about that stupid burritos. I wonder why Mexicans like those grossy burritoes.

i'll let you see the original on my wall. haha.

Thought of the Day: Over 20 dollar game!
Song of the Day: Nas-Sweet Dreams

in my math class, there's this girl that always sits in front of me. she's pretty cute with her nice hair and always dresses in an appealing manner. well, the first day i had lecture, she sat next to me and i thought it was aaron's friend, bora...but i thought she had just gotten alot prettier over break or something. i didn't want to chance it so i waited til class was over. as she was getting up to leave, i lightly called out her name. no response. i called out her name a little louder. no response. so i concluded that it wasn't bora at all. i was so happy i hadn't asked her if she was bora. *wipes sweat off brow*

anyways, day 2 comes along and this time she sits in front of me. day 3 comes along, same thing but THIS TIME, some dude sits next to her. during the lecture, he asks her a question about a problem and he introduces himself to her. they shake hands and i overhear that her name is jennifer. so i'm thinking, "well, they're probably never going to talk to each other again after today." *ahem* WRONG! that stupid loser with his stupid hat and his stupid sweater ends up sitting next to her every lecture and they're always conversing with each other! man, it just tears me up inside when i see her smile or laugh at his stupid comments. i mean dude, THAT COULD'VE BEEN ME! i could've been that stupid idiot with my stupid questions and my stupid jokes. she even offers him chips and stuff. *sulk*

i finally had the guts to ask jay to keep me accountable this quarter. i'm usually not the type to ask for accountability just cause i'm so used to doing it for others. i had this whole misconception that some people were just meant to keep others accountable (stupid ben). i realized that EVERYONE needs that somebody who can keep them in check and continually pray for and encourage them. i think the best example is a pastor. do you ever wonder who keeps your pastor in check? i think it's really sad how pastors are always neglected in terms of acccountability from the ministry that they're serving in. if anything, i think they need the MOST encouragement, just cause being a pastor can be a very difficult service. but yeah, i've gone off topic again...

i'm meeting with jay every week and we started to meet last week. i'm really glad that i have someone who can really relate to me in terms of personality, maturity, and knowledge. if there's ANYONE i could choose to share with, it would have to be with jay. even though i was really hesitant with asking him b/c of his busy academics and burdensome gf (yeah, Jess, that's you!), i think i finally came to a point where i was desperate. already just from our first meeting, i can tell that the times we meet will be blessed times. i'm not talking about that piece-of-crap accountability where you ask each other online how they're doing every week. i'm talking about being really intimate and transparent with your christian brother/sister, sharing your struggles and joys, growing in theology, and of course, praying for one another. if you don't have someone REALLY keeping you accountable, i exhort you to find someone quick. i really do believe that EVERYONE has time to keep someone accountable. there is no excuse.

when i go home from school, sometimes i'll take a right on Harvard so i can just go down Culver. dude, that freakin' signal is ALWAYS green when i'm approaching it. but as soon as i start speeding up when i'm about 15 feet away from the crosswalk, the thing turns yellow! it's as if the signal KNOWS that i'm coming and it's purposely turning red just so that i'll slam on my brakes at the last second. i hate that crap! when i look on Culver's side, i see a whole bunch of cars just waiting too. it's ridiculous. there's also this other street, Marquette. OH my! this crap does the same thing except it does it even when there's NO cars on the opposite street. so i wait at the red. i look at the signal. 1 min. passes. i look at the opposite signal. ok good, it's turning yellow...it's my turn to go soon. opposite signal turns red and my street signal turns green only the LEFT TURN?!!! and i'm telling you, there's NO cars on the Left Turn lane! this crap takes another min. too. (shaking head). i swear these signals have their own retarded personalities.

Thought of the Day: I hate my hair.
Song of the Day: Utada Hikaru-Distance M-flo Mix

you know for once, i actually miss home. i haven't felt this way since freshmen year's thanksgiving break. i think there's alotta factors to it:

1. i miss my hold'em players back at home.
2. i ask danny to play chess with me everyday and he always says no.
3. i'm finally sick of my own food.
4. i just need to step out of this apt. sometimes...if you know what i mean.

lately, just talking with my brother has shown me that he's grown up so much. it just hit me today that i could talk about so many things with him: theology and relationships and sin and family and money and school. i mean, he's still really young and everything but he's definitely pretty mature for his age. the things that he knows for a 14 year old...fudge. i would've never learned the things he knows today. i was one ignorant crap back in the day. i really had to EXPERIENCE everything on my own to really learn the ropes. man, this 2 year old who used to beat me up with his spiderman van toy now talks about the problems he sees in his yg. amazing.

Thought of the Day: So uncomfortably full.
Song of the Day: Mercy Me-Word Of God Speak

as i sit here at my desk and my mind goes to wander
as i sit here at my desk i cannot help but ponder.
i think about my life that is far from humble.
i think about what if people knew and how much they would stumble.
obedient chrisitan is what i am called to be
obedient christian is not what i see.
everyday, i realize that i am arrogant and proud,
everyday, my conscience screams aloud.
so many people i hate and judge
so many people i struggle to not hold a grudge.
i think i'm smarter, stronger, and better than all
i think i'm something that does not deserve to fall.
i envy, i curse, i always seem to lust
i feel so trapped in sin it almost feels unjust.
the idea of grace always seems to boggle my mind
the idea of my God always loving, forgiving, and kind.
i can go on and on about His wonderful grace.
i can go on and on about His love i daily deface.
sometimes i wish i could go to heaven and escape this life
sometimes i wish i didn't have to experience everything, even meeting my wife.
why can't Jesus come and take us home now?
why can't i see Him face to face so that i can worship and bow?
i am supposed to be patient and accept His perfect plan.
i am supposed to be one who lives and obeys the best that he can.
i hate the fact that i take delight in temporary pleasures.
i hate the fact that i'm just throwing away all of my heavenly treasures.
but i will live my utmost for His highest.
but i will live my undeterredness for his Holiness.

i finally finished The Purpose Driven Life. what was supposed to take 40 days ended up taking something like 40 weeks. but i started My Utmost For His Highest today. the first bit that i read today was just so good. this crap is so profound! well, my poem didn't exactly turn out the way i had hoped. but i just wanted to end it with what i read about today in my book.

Thought of the Day: So hard to love.
Song of the Day: Propose

zenia: GEUREH! let's play!

ahahahhahahahah.

Thought of the Day: *snap*
Song of the Day: Britney Spears-Toxic

i had one of those "THIS close to crapping in my pants" days today. i ate alotta food last night cause dr. kim took irvine to shik-do-rak for dinner. oh yeah, we definitely did well. sean-"they have NO idea!" haha. anyways, i was going to save it til this morning but i just couldn't hold it in last night. so i got out of bed, unloaded at 1am, and went back to bed. well, i was about to go work out today, but as soon as i made the decision, my stomach started working up again. after round 2, i went to go arc it. so i'm running and sweating and doing my thing...

incident 1: leg lifts.

me: (in my head). 23...24...one more! twenty...*conspicuous fart* five!

incident 2: weights.

me: are you using these?
guy: yeah.
me: oh ok. *silent fart* (3 seconds later, i KNOW everyone around me smelled THAT!)

incident 3: car.

so i'm driving like a madman cause i seriously felt like something was going to implode inside me. man, those 10 min. redlights and grandma drivers! *shaking fists* i didn't even bother to look for parking. i just parked at the first spot i saw (the towing area) and ran into the apt. shook my shoes off, dropped the keys, ripped my jacket off, and *MOOOOOOAN* man, you should've seen my face! a freakin' masterpiece filled with so much emotion mixed with pleasure and pain. eyes squinted, cheekbones raised, knees grasped by hands, and occasional turnings of the head. i couldn't believe how much came out of me! i haven't felt this much pain since high school...good ol' x-country days. lol. i was so grateful that my car did not get towed and that i even found a parking spot...far far away.

but dude, what's with my metabolism? that's three BIG times within 20 hours!

Neil Diamond is the man!

Thought of the Day: Pulp Fiction is my favorite movie.
Song of the Day: Neil Diamond-I Can See Clearly Now

i think God wants me to go on missions this summer. there have just been so many signs:

1. joey asks me what i'm doing this summer. i reply, "nothing."
2. i'm almost done with Purpose Driven Life. i've been reading about missions this and missions that.
3. p. dennis brings up "outreach" on fri.
4. kcm chapel. did i forget to mention the idea of MISSIONS?!

it's ridiculous i tell you. i really think this is the year for me to go...finally. ever since sunday, i've been praying about it every night. despite all of my physical/mental inabilities and financial obstacles, i think God is really tugging at my heart to go. i have to keep reminding myself that missions is a command and not a suggestion. yes, it is time.

i swear there are just not enough hours in a day. after i come home from school, i have work. after work, i have textbooks to read. after studying, i have a body to work out. after arc, there's no time for hold'em or a movie. this 9:00 morning class really kicks you in the balls. there's nothing i can do about it, but endure the pain and wait til it goes away...in 10 weeks. winter qtr. is supposed to be your toughest and busiest qtr and yeah, it is. but i know lots of people who have it harder than me. haha, it cracks me up when i hear their schedules or when i see their faces when they've just finished their last class for the day. i seriously have no right to complain...but i think it's ok to laugh at them. =D exhortation: 1 Cor. 10:31.

i finally bought Pulp Fiction dvd last night! Collector's Edition baby!

Thought of the Day: Really bad breath.
Song of the Day: The Lord is Gracious and Compassionate

i was reading my entry from last night and i thought it was really funny how my Thought of the Day happened to be, "If I do not love, I am nothing." my entry was talking about some random things that i love, but i never had intentions of making the entry go together with the Thought of the Day. the reason why i had the whole love thing was b/c lately, i've really been concentrating on 1 Corinthians 13 (the love passage). you know, i feel kinda stupid now for explaining all of that. anyways, i tried going to bed at 12 so that i could get enough sleep and be ready for my 9:00 class. man, i really wish i had more control over my body. i want to tell my body to sleep when iiiiii want it to sleep. i want it to be awake when iiiiii want it to be awake. imagine the convenience and efficiency! anyways, since i can't fall asleep and i wrote about all this crap that i love, i think it's only fair that i blog about some things that i hate.

do you know what i hate? i hate it when you're tired, like really drowsy but you cannot fall asleep. you toss and turn for hours until finally, your body gives in and you fall asleep! 2 seconds later, the alarm clock goes off and it's time for another wonderful day at school! i cannot recall all of the times that this has happened to me in high school but i do know that it has happened to me at least 10 times. that's just 10 times too many.

do you know what i hate? i hate it when i'm stuck at home with absolutely nothing to do. well actually, that is not a valid statement b/c there's always SOMETHING to do...but you know what i mean. you are indifferent to every book, channel, and song. your buddy list has idle screen names with away messages like "brb" or "I am away from the computer." you don't even know why you keep checking their profiles every 10 seconds. xangas have not been updated and there's no email to read. then later at night, you find out that everyone was hanging out w/o you. why didn't you call me? "uh, i don't know." is their best response. man, life is tough.

do you know what i hate? i hate it when i pick someone up and they take forever just to come out. lagger: noun. a person who has no respect for the person that is doing them a favor. but you see, there are different forms of laggers. you have your occasional laggers. they lag just like the others but they have their unintentional moments of punctuality. you have your regular laggers. these fellas will never let you down when it comes to lagging. there isn't a single time they have been on time for anything. that's right aaron, i'm talking about you! but you see, with these two forms you also have different specifics.
the apologetic lagger: they know they are late and they apologize every time they step into the car. they try to help you understand that they try really hard to be on time. this pisses me off so much that it's making me laugh right now. if i can be on time, YOU CAN BE ON TIME!
the apathetic lagger: yeah, they don't even bother to hurry towards the car and they comfortably slide in and greet their hello. there are no feelings of regret and they act as if they were punctual the whole time.
the defensive lagger: if you peep a suggestion about being on time, they'll speech on your impatience or even add a "you don't have to be so anal about it!" these little pricks, i mean laggers are the worst of them all. a very sinful and closeminded mentality they have. i personally do not think they deserve to live.
conclusion: lag with me and you die!

do you know what i hate? i hate it when you're running for exercise and your shoelaces get untied. you have to stop, bend down, tie your shoes as quickly as possible, and start up again. but when you start up again, your whole respiring routine is out of sync. your leg muscles feel like they've gained 5 pounds and irregular breathing is just asking for a cramp. it just totally ruins the workout and you don't feel completely satisfied when you are finished. always ALWAYS double knot your crap!

do you know what i hate? i hate it when i do embarrassing things with my nose or mouth. you know when you're sick and you have a runny nose, you constantly have to sniff up the goods every 5 seconds or so. but man, when you hear that funny comment or see that moron trip over, sometimes you accidently snort too hard and out comes a hanging foot of mucus, out for everyone to see. it's embarrassing for both sides, not just you right? but i also hate it when your mouth forgets to swallow that build up of saliva and you get so excited to say something that something undesired comes out first. sure it's a funny site to laugh at when you see others do it. but man, when the tables are turned, you're the one stuck with a wet sleeve and a stupid face. *slurp*

i'm getting kinda tired so i'll end with one more. do you know what i hate? i hate it when i'm peeing in a public bathroom and one of my immature friends walks in and pats me on the back while i'm trying to pee. the urine release ceases, you feel like you're about to explode, and your friend is standing there laughing his head off. you can't relax b/c the pain is so severe and discomforting. i'm sure you're laughing right now but it's no laughing manner when you're the victim. i'm so glad i'm not in high school anymore and that these things don't happen to me anymore. for you girls, just try to imagine someone shaking you while you're going pee. it hurts doesn't it?

Thought of the Day: The thought of sitting in lecture taking notes really SUCKS!
Song of the Day: WC-Bangin' Party

my blog is now officially two years old! i'm proud of myself for holding onto this blog for so long. these days, you see people starting and stopping over and over with so many blogs/xangas. converting to this. updating to that. oh the inconsistency of conforming. i applaud myself for staying true to myself and keeping a single journal for the past 731 days. it's really fun reading past entries from 1 and 2 years ago from the same day. really fun.

do you know what i love? i love taking really long dumps. don't you love it when you're in the bathroom for like 20 min. and the whole time, you're actually getting alot done on the toilet? i love the feeling when you're completely done. all that mess is out of your system and all of it came out solidly. a minimal number of broken pieces and a very clean wipe. as soon as you put your pants back on, you feel like you've lost 10 pounds. it's a very pleasureable feeling.

do you know what i love? i love it when i'm not exactly starving, but just hungry. the hunger where you feel it growing inside of you but it's nothing you feel you have to complain about. it's the kind of hunger that makes you tell your friends that you've just started to get hungry. i really like this kind of hungry b/c there is no shrinkage of the stomach and i personally believe that these are the times that one can eat the most. especially since the hunger is in the middle of growth, you can comfortably satisfy it...but for some reason, this kind of satisfaction is VERY pleasurable. i experienced this with Sergio's today. i wish i could use cuss words to express my feelings but we'll just leave it with "that was hella good!"

do you know what i love? i love the very moment when you walk out of the doors of your very last final for the quarter. the cage is finally open. the ball and chain are finally cut off. time to exit the airplane doors. you can finally kiss the sun and taste the freakin' rainbow! (you get the idea). the worries of grades and textbook answers disintegrate. time to burn the books and make plans for the break! i love that free feeling. i love the fact that i can experience it three times a year.

do you know what i love? i love the 5 seconds of relaxation that you have RIGHT before you fall asleep. you've had a long day (good or bad). there was not a single opportunity for you to rest your eyes until your final destination, your bed. when you crash, your body experiences that pleasure of rest that was lacking for the longest time. you brain recognizes the rare satisfaction and sends signals to your mouth to smile. you sigh and let your dreams take care of the rest. what a joy!

do you know what i love? i love it when i'm reading the Bible and i find THE PERFECT words to encourage and give me advice. when your life is in the pits and you read the words of God, there is just no better encouragement. the notion of grace is even more profound than your previous understanding of it. an incredible revelation and emotion is experienced. tears follow. then we pray thanks. God's word is good.

do you know what i love? i love it when i make my mom laugh. i believe that making our parents laugh is one of the most difficult obstacles that we face. often, they will not laugh when you're TRYING to make them laugh. however, it is ironically when we comment or respond in a natural and unintentional manner that we'll have a better chance at cracking a smile in their face. to hear your parents laugh is a rare, yet wonderful thing to experience. to be the cause of that laughter is an even greater experience.

do you know what i love? i love it when i find money on the ground... and i'm not talking about nickels or pennies. haha. but i think it's funny how finding a quarter can bring me so much more joy compared to finding a dime on the ground. when i was in 9th grade, i used to work at Wetzel's Pretzels and i would take the bus to and from work. one night as i was walking home, i saw a few bills rolled up on the ground. i just picked it up w/o checking to see how much, put it my pocket, and walked towards my garage area. there was someone far behind me but there was no one i could see who it might belong to. when i approached an area where there was no one around, i unrolled the bills and stared at my total. over $360. you know, people usually brag about how they found a dollar or even a 5 dollar bill on the ground! but bragging about finding over $360 just doesn't sound right, does it? i think this was the only time i didn't LOVE finding money on the ground.

do you know what i love? i love it when i shoot the basketball PERFECTLY and the ball goes in beautifully. SWISH! you know for certain that the ball is going to go in cause that release just felt too good. your form is perfect. your jump is perfect. your follow through is perfect. your result is perfect. i wish this would happen to me more often.

you're probably wondering why i wrote about these few things that i really love. yeah, i don't know either.

Thought of the Day: If I do not love, I am nothing.
Song of the Day: WC-Gangsta Nation

i had to wake up at 7 today b/c jordan's dad wanted me to be his translator for him in court. man, i was so pissed when they asked me to do it. two reasons...crappy korean and lack of sleep. i was THIS close to just flaking on them and turning my phone off. but when i found out that they got a misdemeanor for having an expired license (which actually came the next day), i felt really bad. they didn't understand anything the cop had told them and they didn't know how to present their case to the court either. i felt so bad for having such selfish and angry feelings towards them. i could only imagine how terrible it must be to be in THEIR shoes. the least i could've done was show up in court with them and merely translate to the best of my ability...and that i did. but dude, court is seriously not a fun place to be. just going through the whole court process takes SO long! they give you the crappiest times to go (8:15am) and there is a GRIP of people waiting with you. all you see is a flood of impatient mugs. really made me think twice about how i drive on the road out there.

lately, i've been realizing how i so do not have a heart for nonchristians. my desire to evangelize is so low and even with the few friends that do not believe in God, man i'm just so effortless. i don't put any energy into even hanging out with them. i feel like i'm the antithesis of justin when it comes to the friendships that i have. he surrounds himself with pagans while i surround myself with just cpc. it still hasn't hit me that God COMMANDS us to evangelize to the lost. Jesus always ate and spoke with unbelievers and Paul was always preaching to sinners. i really need to start making an effort this year. it was called the Great Commission, not Great Suggestion.

i only have a few days left til school starts again on friday. i've just been watching Propose with dykas and Hajime when i'm by myself. even though i appear to be just wasting my time, i'm really enjoying these last days of break. i find my days more relaxing than lazy. haha. man, i never realized HOW pretty kim hee sun was. i mean, yeah she's a big ball of makeup and surgery...but fudge, superficial can look SO pretty! =D yeah, it's nice staying home watching her.

Thought of the Day: Not Guilty.
Song of the Day: Simple Plan-Perfect

today was new year's so i went to my uncle's place for sehbeh. i really hate going to that place cause my aunts and uncles are really old and i can never pass their annual korean interrogation. but this year, i saw one of my nephews and nieces-nicholas and lauren...6 and 2 years old. lauren's really cute stuff and nicholas talks very comfortably to strangers for his age. it's weird seeing your nephews so big, all talking and crap, especially when the last time you saw them was when they were still crying about pee in their diapers. anyways, i was really saddened when i heard...

nicholas: i don't believe in God anymore.
me: oh why not?
nicholas: my parents believe in Budha. only grandma believes in God. i believed in God for 4 years and now i believe in Budha.
me: ...

at such a young age, they've already begun such a hopeless and sinful life w/o God. well, i shouldn't say "hopeless," but it's such a sad realization.

Thought of the Day: God is sovereign and gracious.
Song of the Day: Elvis Presley-A Little Less Conversation JXL Mix

2003 was an eventful year for me:

-finally became comfortable with cpc
-struggled and finished my dorm life experience
-passed psych. 9b (with a B-!)
-cut my bangs
-started Naruto
-bought my $500 motor vehicle
-started/stopped going out to ccm
-visited la, riverside, sd, and usc numerous times
-worked at Elite
-went to Magic Mountain, Getty Museum, Hollywood, Citywalk, Pink's, Roscoe's, and 3rd St. for the first time
-became a leader of welcoming committee
-received an A- in writing 39c
-went fishing for the first time with billy
-learned how to cook from billy
-finally went to NY
-pulled out wisdom teeth
-moved into Park West
-olivia came to ucla/cpc
-began to tutor jordan and dillon
-finished reading the Bible for the first time
-joined Outreach
-chang got married
-learned how to play hold'em
-won and lost much money at casinos
-finished the Matrix and LOTR trilogies
-PJ left yg
-old phil got engaged
-counseled at a yg retreat
-crushed on 4 girls
-lost 17 pounds

this year was definitely filled with ups and downs. i took a nice shower, cleaned off all my dead skin, gave myself a clean shave, and cut my fingernails. the only thing i've failed to do was to cut my hair. it's time to start a brand new year. i already shared this with my sophomore class, but i feel like every school year God teaches me a new lesson...

senior year: God disciplines those He loves.
freshmen year: God is faithful.
this year: God is gracious.

2004 shall be another crazy year. just as pastor eugene shared, i hope that i will grow to be a "wiser fool" compared to my past self.

Ephesians 2:10-For we are God's workmanship, created in Chirst Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

with that said...

1 Corinthians 10:31-So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

may this verse be our life in the year 2004.

Thought of the Day: Happy New Year.
Song of the Day: Bebo Norman-The Hammer Holds

yg retreat:

i was really excited about being a yg counselor. i couldn't even fall asleep the night before cause i couldn't stop thinking about it. however, i felt and knew that i was very distracted. i knew i was going with many thoughts of having a great time with the students. i wanted them to like me and to think i was a really cool counselor. believe me, i was very distracted.

with only four hours of sleep, i went to church and began my unexpected journey of lessons. i didn't realize how big the yg was at cpc until we actually got to the retreat site. i couldn't believe there were still many students of the yg who hadn't come...really big right? for some reason, i was expecting alot of students to approach me and get to know me for whatever curious reason. well, it actually happened to be the other way around. i think every single student i talked to, i had to be the one to iniate the conversation and introduction of each other. i was very suprised to hear that some of the students thought i was still in high school! i don't like it when people think i'm not a college student...makes me feel inferior and stupid. haha.

victory ranch wasn't as bad as i thought it'd be. the weather wasn't THAT cold and the cabins were decent. even though the food didn't receive two thumbs up, i still enjoyed every meal with that hungry stomach of mine. bathrooms were usable and there was warm water for showers. overall, the place wasn't too bad.

i was pretty impressed with the youth group's praise team too. it's definitely alot better than whatever they had at kcpc. it was pretty encouraging to see most of the people really singing and showing some respect during the worship time. however, i couldn't help but notice the very "emotional" environment that was encouraged by pastor kim. man, that guy is such a KOREAN style pastor. i really like his passionate heart for the kids but i am very discouraged by his role as a pastor. the messages were O-K. i think the only explanation i have for my critical behavior is that i was spoiled by p. john, chang, and now, p. dennis. even B and simon noticed these shady things. man, i noticed this crap when i was their age.

teaching bible study was so hard. i ended up getting the 7th graders, supposedly the most difficult group of kids to teach. these kids really don't show any appreciation and the only answer they can give to my questions was, "can we play tag?" (eyes turn into angry eyes). man, practicing our skit was really tough too. b/c i had come up with a good idea, i ended up becoming director with minimal help from the other counselors in my group. man, it's really tough trying to get your kids to do something they're so indifferent about. basically, it ended up becoming one of those skits that were either going turn out REALLY good or REALLY bad. *sigh* a terrible skit it was. you know, i learned alot from being a counselor at this retreat...

1. it is SO hard being a counselor/yg teacher. i thought about EVERY yg teacher/counselor that i had and said sorry to them in my head.
2. girls are so much more mature than guys. alotta things that i didn't understand in high school make alotta sense now.
3. i give and i give and i give...and i don't receive. it's amazing to think how often i do that to God. so humbling.
4. it's really hard to find a really good youth pastor these days.
5. teachers can influence the kids just as much as the kids can influence the teacher.

to be honest, i wasn't enjoying myself too much at the retreat but i definitely have no regrets going to it either. i learned so much about this yg and myself as a counselor. not only that but i accomplished my main purpose of even going in the first place...getting to know the yg kids of cpc:

prairie: i saw prairie very often at church and knew she was a pretty nice girl. but i felt like i got to know her a bit better at this retreat since she was so easy to talk to. i really appreciated her amiable actions with B, simon, and tiff. i feel like she was the only one who made an effort to talk to them and make them feel comfortable at the retreat. i also enjoyed working on the skit with her. practically the only person who was enthusiastic about it and really supported my ideas. a girl with an awesome machine gun laugh and dope personality test.

joe myung: i thought this kid was some punk fob kid who just came from korea and didn't know how to smile. he actually ended up being on my "favorite yg kids list" after the retreat. i actually found his laziness and complaining attitude very amusing. he told me that he liked nor cal alot better than so cal. "i like i like." a very open attitude and i thought it was so funny how he hated B even though i'd always see them together. i think i saw alot of me inside him.

i mean, i can go on and on about every student that i met but these two seemed to stand out the most in my eyes. but dude, that last night of the retreat...i've never played in such a big group before! it started off with me, carol, grace, brian, and carol just telling jokes and riddles. then we started playing assah. then came all the buffalloes! fun times for sure.

man, i started this blog with intentions of writing it into a poem (i don't know why). but that sure isn't going to happen. this sucker is way too long and detailed...

x-mas:

justin came back.
justin does not know how to play hold 'em.
justin and i have our annual hangout.

day after x-mas:

ball with the boys.
downtown sf with justin.
hold 'em and juon at terrance's.

Thought of the Day: i HATE scary movies now.
Song of the Day: Now That You're Near

simon: is your chinese roommate home?
me: oh derek. no he's not home. he doesn't know how to play hold 'em anyways. he doesn't play anything actually.
danny: yeah, he's a fag.
me: lol. oh yeah, danny hates derek.
danny: no i don't. i just think he's a fag!
me: lol. there isn't a single thing about him that you like.
danny: yeah there is...i like the fact that he's never home!

so apparently, my brother and i arrived in irvine safely. it was a dangerous drive with all the rain and traffic. gosh, i really hate that combo.

i have once again hit an insomniac night with many thoughts on my mind. i've been pretty stressed about money lately cause i just realized that i really won't have much after bills, rent, and retreats. i really should have thought this through. you know, i really hate the fact that the school doesn't tell you when they're going to send out the financial aid money to the students. it would really help in my financial planning after my retreats cause i don't even have a stupid credit card to temporarily aid me. at the same time, i realize that worrying and stressing really won't get me anywhere. my mind keeps echoing Jesus' "Don't Worry" and "You of so little faith..." from Matthew, but my sinful nature keeps poking me about how i'm going to pay for everything when i haven't even included my future payments for gas. i am worried, distressed, and lack faith. all i can do is trust in God's sovereignty and grace, and be patient. oh and yeah, it's alot easier to say than do.

you know what i noticed? every time i've mentioned to someone that i no longer get pimples, my face decides to grow a fresh one! it's like taboo for me to say anything about my face. i feel like as soon as i mention one good word about anything self-facial, i'm as good as stepping on a land mine. "hey, i don't get pimples anymore!" results in plus three on the nose. hmmmm...maybe it was b/c of all of those Milano cookies.

i played alotta Hold 'Em when i was up north. i think i got alot better even though i only played with jonna, B, and my brother. i mean, they don't totally SUCK or anything! i finally undestand why guys enjoy having poker nights and crap. smoking cigars, drinking a few beers, and playing cards. i can see the puzzle pieces finally making a picture. but if i were to have a poker night, i'd minus the beers and add something like pizza. the cigars would make the pizza taste like socks, so we'd just have some soda. ok, so it pretty much looks like cards and some pizza but i still think it'd be fun. =D

do you know what the worst kinds of phones calls are? i think the worst kinds of phone calls are the ones where people call you for somebody else's number. whenever i get these calls, i get very angry...especially if it's from someone i dislike in the first place. but you know when the WORST times are to receive these calls? WHEN YOU'RE ASLEEP! you know, with their stupid "oh hey! were you sleeping? oh i'm sorry, i'll call you later." too late, you already woke me up, bucko! what good reason do you have for calling me at this hour? and as soon as you hear that question about so and so's number, out come the F words. please, do not ever call me for someone else's number...whether i'm asleep OR awake!

i really like the weather down here. i can actually walk around in my apt with just a t-shirt and shorts. i'm flabbergasted about opening windows and i've never been happier w/o my socks. i swear there's some kinda ice machine that's hidden inside my room up north that prevents me from sleeping at a comfortable temperature. i really am a so cal person now. little by little, i cannot tolerate the petty things about up north. it wasn't until this month that i started to become impatient with slow norcal drivers. you can call them "relaxed" or "patient" but if you're a driver that pisses me off, you're considered a bad driver. and yes, bad drivers do not deserve to live.

my words are slowly becoming more and more upset. i'm still not tired but i know my body needs the sleep. i hate insomnia. maybe i should just wake my brother up for fun and pretend i'm asleep. =D

Thought of the Day: NO money MO problems.
Song of the Day: Jimmy Eat World-Last Christmas

calvin: sheesh, who can fathom the feminine mind?
hobbes: i like 'em anyway.

Thought of the Day: I don't like "The Purpose Driven Life."
Song of the Day: Hajime No Ippo Theme

Dear Santa,


There are many things that i want for Christmas this year:

1. I want a Pulp Fiction poster that i can hang up on my wall next to my Rap Gods or Swingers poster.
2. I want the Pulp Fiction Collector's Edition dvd since i had to return it back to Target along with my brother's windbreakers that really were EXTRA large.
3. I've grown a strong love for Calvin & Hobbes this Christmas so i want the whole collection now.
4. i also want either the S300 or S307 Samsung phone, preferably the S300 since it's slightly smaller.
5. Finally, i want the Nautica Competition cologne that i got for my brother's graduation gift.

now, i understand that this sounds like alot but i think these material things are much more reasonable than getting me Keira Knightly...although i am still crossing my fingers. I'm still a little pissed that you didn't give me my Sega Genesis or Turbo Graphics 16 when i was 8 years old but i am willing to forgive you if i receive any two of the above. i know i haven't written to you in 10 years and making you cookies was just out of the question...but i promise that i've believed in you all these years. i know that i never show it around my friends or family but i've always had hope on those Christmas mornings. my apt does not have a chimney so just ring the doorbell when you arrive at my place. don't worry, i stay up pretty late now that i'm in college so i'll be waiting.


Your Most Obedient Kid Out There,

PHiL

i watched Elf at chang's place last night. i think it's so true how every year, more and more kids stop believing in Santa Clause...

me: so do you beleive in Santa Clause?
jordan: NO!
me: why not?
jordan: Santa Clause isn't real. that's stupid.
me: you never got any presents from him?
jordan: no.
me: it's probably cause you never believed in him.
jordan: no! Santa Clause isn't real!

see what i mean? it's just like Elf with the whole x-mas spirit thing getting lower and lower. but i think it's kind of good that kids aren't believing in that fat red bastard anymore. i remember i use to straight up pray to Santa and ask him for EVERYTHING with such a covetous heart. you know, it's really sad how media can really influence the mind of a kid. i strongly believed that if you wanted something SO bad, then you could have it! how many times have we heard that before, right? i was practically replacing God with Santa during x-mas time. the meaning of Christ's birth was just out the window! presents are all good but we gotta remind each other (yes, even in college students) what x-mas is all about...God's greatest gift to us, Christ.

man, i was SO angry last night.

Thought of the Day: Slow Comfort.
Song of the Day: Mase, Snoop, Salt-N-Pepa, Onyx-Santa Baby

i visited kevin's apt. in san jo today. really small place. in fact, it was pretty similar to a single dorm...except it had its own bathroom and sink. the only thing missing was a stove but that was ok. i wouldn't mind living in a place like that by myself. anyways, meeting up with that guy always depresses me. he's always discontent with his life and everything that's going on. educationally, socially, and spiritually, i just have alot of pity for him. but he's one of the few friends i've managed to keep in touch with even after high school.

as i was driving home today, it hit me how much God has blessed me. despite all of my sinfulness and wicked ways, God is still so good to me. you know, it doesn't make any sense to me. i can't help but think, "WHO AM I TO DESERVE THIS?!" i am seriously no better than those who hate and curse God. but it all goes back to grace and mercy right? we are all creations of a wonderful God. His love has no bounds. God can forgive me an infinite number of times. He is not a God who tallies up our sins and punishes us after sin #1 million. it really is a mind-boggling thing. God loves a sinner like me. the fact that i can even realize that i'm a sinner and that God is holy...i praise Him for that. even this knowledge is grace. when i talk to non-christians, they really don't see their sinfulness or God's holiness. but for me to even recognize such a reality really does amaze me. what a gracious God! Romans 5:20-21. it always goes back to that.

Thought of the Day: Happy Birthday Danny!
Song of the Day: Phil Wickham-Jesus, Lord Of Heaven

i got much better since i last wrote. that nyquil stuff worked like a charm. (note to self: get cherry flavor next time). i still feel like i have a cough stuck in my throat but otherwise i'm perfecty back to normal. praise God.

well, i'm practically done with finals. i took my film studies final on monday and took my calculus one yesterday. i was seriously hating the film studies one. i was blanking out like no other and i've never BSed so hard on a test before. haha, it's funny now that i think about it. i can already see the perplexed look on my TA's face when he reads my answers, trying to make sense of my jibberish, and mercifully giving me partial credit for attempting to write something. i messed up pretty hard on the calculus final too. certain problems just weren't making any sense...which will mean that many of my answers won't be doing me much good either. but admist all the playing that i did this week, i did squeeze in some crucial hours of studying. i am glad that i am finished with math 2a. i am even more glad that i am finished with film studies 85a. i have my korean final in less than six hours. that freakin' boba has caused me an uncommon insomnia. so what better thing to do at night than blog?

i gave my students their x-mas gift today. Yu-gi-oh gameboy game...

jordan: can i open it?
me: no! you have to wait til x-mas.
jordan: c'mon, please?
me: no. if you open it, i'm going to take it back home.
jordan: fine, i'm going to take my gift back too then.
me: fine.
jordan: nooooo, c'mon!!!
me: ahahahahhahah.

me: dillon, i have something to tell you.
dillon: what?
me: they ran out of yu-gi-oh and pokemon. so i had to get you a Barbie game.
dillon: WHAT?!
me: i'm sorry. but i tried playing it and it's really fun!
dillon: NOOOO! return it!
me: i can't.
dillon: yes you can!
me: i can't. just try playing it. just TRY it!
dillon: what's it called?
me: Barbie's Playhouse.
dillon: WHY DID YOU GET IT?!
me: my friend told me it was good. just try it!
dillon: you should have just waited.
me: she told me it was really good!
dillon: SHE?! it's a GIRL!
me: lol. just try it!
dillon: return it!
me: i can't.
dillon: that's not my problem. buy another one!
me: (brat!).

i love messing with kids. they're so gullible. but it was nice receiving gifts from them too. jordan gave me a pen and pencil thing and dillon gave me this lighthouse container thing? haha. it was so funny cause he was taking it out of the box as he was giving it to me, explaining that his gift was about $4. well, at least i got something right?

i got eddie the Calvin & Hobbes 10th Anniversary for x-mas. he is the first person that i know who never grew up reading Calvin & Hobbes. words cannot express the deprivation i stamped on him. but anyways, i thought it'd be an appropriate gift for him b/c in many ways, calvin reminds me of eddie. the funny temper, the childlike personality, and of course the overall physical appearance. as i was reading some of the pages, i realized that i really did not appreciate Bill Watterson as a young child. i think at the time, i was more interested in the funny faces that calvin made and the occasional colored pages that would randomly pop up. man, Bill Watterson is THE MAN! this guy really knows how to make people laugh and feel happy. i think Calvin & Hobbes is such a great comic b/c everyone (and i mean EVERYONE) can relate to him in so many ways. i can seriously sit down and read Calvin & Hobbes all day long.

lately, i've been feeling pretty dry in my spiritual life. lack of desire to read and pray, church is feeling like a chore, and no one's REALLY encouraging me. man, i think that's when you're not doing well spiritually...when you don't really feel like going to church. if your walk with God was awesome, going to church should be something you really look forward to! that's like the one place where it's purposely a place of worship. don't get me wrong, every aspect of our lives ought to be worship but you know what i mean. church is like "THE place," right? i have no desire to encourage others either. i'm just straight up DRY. i must cry out to God. it is when it is the hardest to read/pray, that we must do it the most. i'm so dry.

Thought of the Day: "Here's looking at you, kid."
Song of the Day: The Wiseguys-Start The Commotion

i'm not a big fan of medicine but i thought nyquil would really be a wise decision, especially since its finals week coming up. everyone raves about how effective nyquil is and how it'll knock you out "just like that!" freakin' sham dude. i took it last night and was waiting for the signs of drowsiness to come. none. i just went to bed cause of food coma from taco bell. same thing this afternoon, only this time i took 45 ml. just went to bed to get a power nap before i started studying for finals. but besides the false claims about drowsiness, nyquil really did make me feel better. instead of coughing, i now have an occasional runny nose. my immune system may be retarded but i think i'm getting better.

i had outreach today and as always, i tutored my student, michiyoshi. this kid is freakin' hilarious! last time, he straight up just brought a basketball and a chess set to play with me. well, he did the same thing today, only today he replaced the basketball with a soccerball. he also brought his 1st Place trophy that he won at his school's chess tournament. he brought that crap just to show it off to me. lol. oh, and you know how when you ask kids what their favorite color is? well, most kids will respond with blue or green or some ordinary color like that....but not MY student! no sir, michiyoshi's favorite color is GOLD! ahahahahahhahahah.

well, since it's finals weeks, i'm doing exactly what i'm NOT supposed to be doing: watching a gang of movies. thurs. night = Run Lola Run. fri. evening = Trainspotting. and tonight, The Last Samurai. i was actually going to consider studying after the movie but i just realized that i'm out of flash cards and i don't want to lose my parking spot by going out to get some right now. so we'll hold off studying til monday morning (as soon as it hits midnight) since i don't study on sundays. haha. fun times! if you don't want to be sad like the students in la, come join irvine on an adventurous study break.

ilikelotsofsugar (10:14:56 PM): Freaking finals week in Irvine..I swear

Thought of the Day: Studying's not going to happen.
Song of the Day: Fastball-?

dude, i'm freakin' sick again. i was honestly convinced that i wasn't going to get sick this winter. i get sick EVERY winter! "you're hella weak. you can't find the germ!" right? fudge, i can think of so many possible candidates for causing me my physical humility: simon's *cough cough*. bs' *COUGH COUGH* while i was trapped in the car right next to him for over two hours. and finally, danny's open sneezing. the idiot doesn't believe that others can get sick from his sneezing...thus his independent germs entering my body. it's either that or he's kissing me while i'm sleeping at night.

so just like any other quarter, i have a strong indifference for school during the 10th and finals week of school. a very unfortunate condition it is. i think it's b/c i look forward to the break so much that i forget that there's quite a bit of studying to do before it comes. remember a few weeks ago when i had to write my final film studies paper, and i felt like it was the worst paper i had ever written in my life? well it turns out that it was an A paper! not an A-. a solid A! unfortunately, the nonchalant idiot that i was forgot to add my Works Cited page so i got a B+ (fingernails breaking on chalkboard). well, not that that paper had anything to do with 10th week or finals. just a random insert. but i SO had no desire to go to class this week...so i didn't go too much. =D goodness, what am i trying to get across to my reader? fudge, i just feel like crap right now. *cough cough*

well, i'm practically done with most of my x-mas shopping for the year. man, i've never bought so many things online before. it's kinda exciting because the offered prices (and free shipping) are to die for! but it's also kinda scary because you don't know when to expect the package to arrive and even when it does, you wonder if it'll be in one piece. but i am pretty content with what i got for everyone this year. from the words of chang: "you know a gift is good if you know it's something you want for yourself." i couldn't agree anymore.

Thought of the Day: I want to get better.
Song of the Day: Reliant K-Sadies Hawkins

during the thanksgiving break, i played texas hold 'em for the first time. i played with my fob friends in berkeley with a jackpot of 40 something dollars. i learned something from this game. i cannot hang out with fobs. i feel/am very out of place. i know it, they know it. for example, they'd be talking in their stupid korean with all their stupid korean jokes and slang and then one guy would turn to me and ask me how school was. some crap like that.

if you don't know already, one of my life's goals is to perfect my imperfect korean. i always tell people that i'm going to live in korea for a year after i graduate from irvine so that i can master the blasted language. but living in korea for a whole year...fudge. definitely will not be an easy thing to do. i guess i'll just have to drag danny along with me.

but anyways, hold 'em was really fun. stupid pat and his "sorry john. i don't remember." lol. however, i really didn't like seeing seung-bae all different. it pisses me off to see people going through the same mistakes i did. but i know that God is a just God and He will deal with everyone accordingly...including myself.

right now, i really miss my mom's food. i feel like every meal that i ate was a considered the highlight of my thanksgiving break. i really don't eat that much normally but i refused to stop chewing after my first plate for every meal. i think my new favorite food has become ggori gomtang (ox tail soup). it's a very simple piece of food but i think that's why i like it very much too. it's definitely the best thing to eat, especially in a rainy san francisco. man, i ate that crap every single day!

another memory that i have is cache creek. i usually only went with chang every time i went up north. but kevin, bs, and this fob named joe, felt like playing some cards so we drove up one night. man, we all lost our money but i thought it was a good memory. like after we all lost and came out of the casino, the guys started thinking of every possible excuse and complaint that they could think of for losing their money. i found it really amusing and even explained to them that even though we had all lost our money...

me: this is still a good memory. when you look back after some time, you'll laugh about the time we went to the casino and lost our money and started complaining.
kevin: is this memory worth $60?
everyone: ahhahahahahha.

man, i can't believe i only got to play 3 hands.

and finally, we have the drive back down. we took off at 2:30 and arrived in la by 1am. the traffic was really bad. i don't remember it being this bad when we drove last year but it was pretty bad. however once again, i was very fortunate to have a very talkative piece of company for the long trip. but unexpectedly, jane didn't have as much to say compared to the first time we drove up. i guess she IS human afterall. =D but man, she is seriously the craziest in n' out eater. i've never seen anyone eat their fries with so much concentration. this girl who can talk for hours straight does not say a single word when we're eating inside the restaurant. all you see is her hat with her head tilted down at a 45 degree angle, and fries just entering the mouth area. she's like a garbage truck that just inhales everything that is in its path. i have the strongest regrets of not taking a picture of her in action. definitely a kodak moment.

dang, jane can play canon on piano.

Thought of the Day: Chinatown sucks!
Song of the Day: 1TYM-Uh-Oh