i signed off aim and just finished brushing my teeth, getting ready for bed. and then it occurred to me what i had wanted to blog about earlier this morning. last night, i dreamt of dinko but i don't remember anything that happened. the only thing i do remember was learning that his name was supposed to be spelled, "DINCO." it's stupid when i think about it now but it made perfect sense in the dream.

i also remember a dream i had exactly one week ago. i remember this dream b/c it was so vivid! i was playing hold'em, 1 on 1, at this casino table with this really hot white blonde girl. she was wearing this really scandalous red dress and she was really nice. as we were playing, i was evangelizing to her and she was actually open to what i had to say. she was very receptive to my words and i was very encouraged. then *POOF!* stupid ken called me and asked if he could get a ride to clusters. man, i never dream of really hot white blonde girls.

i think it's really weird how these past few weeks have been full of references to simulacra/simulation from my film class. for all of you ignorants, i'm talking about how we know what is real and what is not real. it's kinda like The Matrix where you're not sure who or what you are. for all you know, you could be this programmed robot that thinks/looks/acts like a human. how do you know your memories are real and genuine? how do you know if they're not just implanted? this kinda theme has been coming up ever since i learned about simularcra in my film class. first, The Matrix. then Blade Runner. then my book, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? and finally, the anime i'm currently watching, Full Metal Alchemist. of course, our only standard for truth is God's Word. apart from God, nothing can exist. but i must say, i think i finally REALLY understand The Matrix.

it's been really hot these days. irvine's supposed to be one of the cooler parts of so. cal too! life must be tough for cerritos, la, and RIVERSIDE! but as i always love to share, i absolutely enjoy these hot sunny days. like my brother and i always talk about..."it's all about the LA SUMMER NIGHTS!" to be able to go outside in your t-shirt and shorts at midnight w/o a hint of displeasure, man you so. cal people really take this crap for granted. i mean, i'm sure there's a few of you guys who enjoy it too but you seriously just don't appreciate as much as you ought to. it makes me angry sometimes. but then, i just open my window, let the nice breeze cool me off, and i'm back to smiling. =D

i have/had a Barnabas in my life. it's really hard to love him. everyday, i realize how sinful i am. my heart lacks so much love. often times, i forget that God has placed him in my life for a reason and i've been placed in his life for a reason. with so much sin, there is so much more grace. it's brilliantly profound when you think about it. i'm not encouraging abuse. i'm encouraging humility. my thoughts jump all over the place. the hands that type these words cannot keep up with the pace of my mind. i always say this crap. God is good. but this crap will never become redundant.

you know what's been helping me sing during praise time at church? as i am singing the words, i imagine myself in heaven singing the same song along with the rest of the elect. i forget how John describes the deluge of people but dude...it's a GRIP! when i imagine myself singing and praising along with everyone else, i can't help but think that i am genuinely worshipping God b/c that's what heaven will be like. we'll be in our perfect and glorified bodies worshipping our perfect God. it will be glorious! even with my imperfect and sinful mind, just the glimpse of being able to do that really encourages me and keeps me focused during praise. i don't know if it's an incorrect attitude or perspective but try it out next time. it works for me.

Thought of the Day: Hawaiian shirt has no regrets.
Song of the Day: That stupid Chungook slow song.