as i sit here at my desk and my mind goes to wander
as i sit here at my desk i cannot help but ponder.
i think about my life that is far from humble.
i think about what if people knew and how much they would stumble.
obedient chrisitan is what i am called to be
obedient christian is not what i see.
everyday, i realize that i am arrogant and proud,
everyday, my conscience screams aloud.
so many people i hate and judge
so many people i struggle to not hold a grudge.
i think i'm smarter, stronger, and better than all
i think i'm something that does not deserve to fall.
i envy, i curse, i always seem to lust
i feel so trapped in sin it almost feels unjust.
the idea of grace always seems to boggle my mind
the idea of my God always loving, forgiving, and kind.
i can go on and on about His wonderful grace.
i can go on and on about His love i daily deface.
sometimes i wish i could go to heaven and escape this life
sometimes i wish i didn't have to experience everything, even meeting my wife.
why can't Jesus come and take us home now?
why can't i see Him face to face so that i can worship and bow?
i am supposed to be patient and accept His perfect plan.
i am supposed to be one who lives and obeys the best that he can.
i hate the fact that i take delight in temporary pleasures.
i hate the fact that i'm just throwing away all of my heavenly treasures.
but i will live my utmost for His highest.
but i will live my undeterredness for his Holiness.

i finally finished The Purpose Driven Life. what was supposed to take 40 days ended up taking something like 40 weeks. but i started My Utmost For His Highest today. the first bit that i read today was just so good. this crap is so profound! well, my poem didn't exactly turn out the way i had hoped. but i just wanted to end it with what i read about today in my book.

Thought of the Day: So hard to love.
Song of the Day: Propose