i've driven up and down california alot ever since i became a college student. the first few times were really difficult but you slowly get used to them. i feel like you go through alot in every car ride. you can go through phases of jokes, songs, games, stories, and hunger. another way to look at a car ride is through phases of emotion-bored, annoyed, excited, sad, scared, happy, etc. some car rides are faster than others, some are more enjoyable than others, and sometimes accidents may even occur. i feel like car rides are often similar to what we experience in one year...like 2004:

-lots and lots of hold'em
-stressful beefs
-accountability w/jay
-paraguay training
-crashing at sunshine's
-LOVEFEST!!!
-new cell phone
-balling at san marco
-paraguay
-serving as an officer
-meeting aaron chung
-sleeping/studying with edu
-becoming good friends with doe and zen
-starting up pool again
-the officers' meeting when pastor told us he was leaving
-the "last officers' meeting"
-flat tires
-the awesome summer part-time job
-longing for the CAVE
-moving into San Leon
-charity dinner in la
-full metal alchemist & azumanga
-riverside thursdays
-yg summer retreat
-"password" at pastor's
-biola
-third day & foo fighters
-billy graham crusade
-super x-mas land
-best gpa qtr
-last night's brazilian bbq with chang

2004 was such a good car ride. all glory to God.

Thought of the Day: 2:30pm
Song of the Day: Super Mario's Sleigh Ride OC Remix

it's official. Foo Fighters is the greatest secular band that God has created thus far. right now, it's 1:30am and my brother just got out of bed to watch the concert dvd for the third time. i really don't know why i didn't appreciate them until this past month. i think their power comes from their performances. (shaking head) true rockers. haha. i can feel zenia rolling her eyes already.

i really miss so. cal. in fact, i am so excited that i will be driving down tomorrow. you don't know how good it feels to hear people wanting you to come back. i seriously feel like my face brightens up even when just chatting with them online. i miss the warm so. cal winter, the ghetto mexican food, and of course, my church. man, homesick just from being away for less than a week. i guess that just makes your arrival that much sweeter. maybe that's what heaven will be like. as you suffer more and more for Christ in this short-lived world, heaven will taste that much sweeter forever...

I'M ALMOST HOME, BABY!

Thought of the Day: Jealous Devils.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-Generator

me: it's so boring w/o simon home.
mom: then you can spend time with mom!

i feel like i learned so much about my mom yesterday. we actually did get to spend a lot of time together. haha. whenever i sit down and talk with my mom, she always likes to give me "christian advice." i really like that about my mom. even though it's stuff that i already know, just the fact that she chooses to give me "christian advice" really encourages me. my mom is seriously the godliest ahjumah i know. she seriously can't stop talking about church and how good God has been to her even through the hardships in our family. we talked about alotta things today. in fact, i finally had the guts to ask her if she was reformed or not. of course i didn't ask her, "mom, are you reformed or what?" i mean, i don't even know how to say "reformed" in korean! anyways, we talked about calvinism and stuff and basically she was telling me how she found comfort in the fact that her own son shared in the same doctrine as she did. i think iii found more comfort in that than she did. =D

but the craziest thing i learned about my mom was that she is in better physical shape than me! you see, my mom is an exercise-aholic. she used to work out so much that sometimes my dad would get mad at her. there'd be times where she'd go to the gym twice in one day! i think she really likes that endorphin feeling or something. but anyways, after our lil talk she really wanted me to go walking/jogging with her on this one trail up in Hillcrest. i know she wanted me to join her real bad so i agreed to go. haha man...she was crazy happy, jumping off the walls like a lil girl.

so we're like speed walking for a few minutes and she asks me if i could speed up (i guess i was holding her back or something). then she asks me if i wanna start jogging, so we jogged for about a mile and i was dying. the whole time, i kept telling myself that mom CANNOT pass me up. not only am i her son, but i'm also supposed to be youthful and energetic. whenever i looked back, she was RIGHT behind me! haha she looked so funny with her huge orange sweater and her quick little feet. so cute. but what killed me was on the way back. she was crazy power walking up these steep hills! i literally could not keep up with her. in fact, i had to ask her if we could just take it easy. (shaking head) humbled by my 49 year old mom.

a random thought crossed my mind today. i think after my mom passes away, these will be the memories that i will remember of her. yesterday, i was so miserable cause i was bored out of my mind with my brother on his retreat. but today, i thank God for giving me the time i spent with mom.

Thought of the Day: Merry X-mas Eve!
Song of the Day: Vanilla Ice-Ice Ice Baby

i've caught the bug...

Ten Random Things About Me:
10. For my kindergarten graduation, i was the only student eating the food while all the kids were playing with each other.
9. I was insanely in love with dinosaurs during my childhood.
8. I used to think that the word, "fob," was slang for "gangster."
7. The first "real" song i ever liked was Green Day's "Basket Case" in 4th grade.
6. Growing up I used to be really insecure about having an abnormally large butt.
5. I stopped believing in Santa after my dad wrote "From Santa Clausause" on one of my gifts.
4. I used to hate whoppers b/c i thought they had too many vegetables.
3. The meanest thing I've ever done in my life was beat up my brother for cussing at me and forcing him to do the Bloody Mary thing until she came out.
2. I have this recurring nightmare where I'm moving really fast while lying down on railroad tracks, and some scary evil monster is laughing and coming after this angelic princess who's crying.
1. When I was 10, i used to think that i was really mature for my age b/c i wasn't disgusted by the kissing in tv/movies.

Nine Places I've Visited:
9. Oh~Pilseung Korea!
8. Tahoe.
7. Reno.
6. Vegas, Baby, Vegas!
5. Grand Canyon.
4. Mexico.
3. NYC.
2. Cornell.
1. Paraguay.

Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
8. Be able to pray in korean.
7. Watch and read all of the classics i never made time for.
6. Play Canon perfectly.
5. Go to the symphony with my dad.
4. See at least one of my non-christian friends accept Christ.
3. Have a six-pack (don't laugh!).
2. Wear a 40's gangster suit.
1. See my family with absoulutely no financial burden.

Seven Ways To Win My Heart:
7. BANGS!
6. Shoot pool really well.
5. Teachable.
4. Fluent.
3. Classical Piano.
2. Make me laugh.
1. Love Christ more than me.

Six Things I Believe In:
6. There is nothing wrong with girls hinting at guys that they are interested in them.
5. TULIP.
4. 99% of women should not be allowed to drive.
3. The Cave of Godly Women.
2. Christ is the answer to every single movie.
1. My mom is better than your mom.

Five Things I'm Afraid Of:
5. The thought of my brother dying before me.
4. Losing body parts.
3. Cockroaches.
2. Physical persecution (being burned, buried, eaten alive).
1. The idea of rape. The only people who deserved to be raped are those who rape others.

Four Songs On My Mind:
4. Foo Fighters-All My Life.
3. Modest Mouse-The Ocean Breathes Salty.
2. Modest Mouse-The World At Large.
1. As One-Last Christmas.

Three Things I Touch Everyday:
3. Cell Phone.
2. Bible.
1. Glasses.

Two Things I Am Trying Not To Do Right Now:
2. Go pee.
1. Lust.

One Person I Want To See Right Now:
1. Foo Fighters Concert dv...i mean dinko.


Thought of the Day: Sinners leading sinners.
Song of the Day: As One-Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree Alternative Mix

college group and em have finally merged and pastor dennis is no longer at cpc. we had a banquet dedicated to him on friday where i had high hopes in seeing him cry like a baby. man, that guy has too much pride. he wouldn't even shed ONE tear for me!



i think crying is a funny thing. we cry when we are broken, sad, happy, scared, or sometimes when we're just laughing too hard. you can only cry when you have so much emotion that your heart can't handle it. all of those feelings are manifested in tears and an ugly face. i have NEVER cried in a korean drama or any type of movie in my life. there has never been a secular book or song that has moved me to tears before. there are only three things that can make phil cry:

1. death of a loved one.

i've been to three funerals in my life. obviously, i'll mourn for a loss in my life. seeing/hearing other people cry makes me want to cry too. i feel their pain and can't help but sympathize. i guess this one's a no brainer.

2. guilt of my sin(s).

i hate my sinful nature. i believe that Christ lived and died for me so that i can have a life of righteousness. but no matter how much i believe this truth, i still sin. when your life is so full of sin, you cannot be happy. it opposes our calling to be children of light. the most miserable person in the world is the christian who does not live like one. when i realize that my life is overwhelmed with sin, i will cry.

3. God's love.

whenever i am really reminded of God's faithfulness and grace, tears are inevitable. i am reminded through the Bible, prayer, and songs. the reason for this is because those three things are Gospel-centered. when i remember Christ, i cry thankful tears.


i wish i could cry everyday. i wish i could remember the depths of my sins, but even the greaters depths of God's love...daily. but i guess even these things are not possible in the sinful nature. we are indeed a creation that is prone to forget. if you ever see me crying, praise God because it is just another moment where God is reminding me of what i always forget...

the mistakes I've made
that caused pain
I could have done without
all my selfish thought
all my pride
the things I hide
you have forgot about
they're all behind you
they'll never find you
they're on the ocean floor
your sins are forgotten
they're on the bottom
of the ocean floor
my misdeeds
all my greed
all the things that haunt me now
they're not a pretty sight to see
but they're wiped away
by a mighty, mighty wave
a mighty, mighty wave
your sins are erased
and they are no more
they're out on the ocean floor
take them away
to return no more
take them away
to the ocean floor

these words made me cry today.

Thought of the Day: "Big-Stylez Eddie"
Song of the Day: Audio Adrenaline-Ocean Floor

i think i'm stressed out about finals. last night, i kept tossing in my sleep and whenever i kept waking up, i'd always have the words, "dorsolateral" and "ventromedial" stuck in my head. but for sure, i know i'm not alone on this one. today, i went to psych final review (my first one ever!) and there were a gang of students. during the session, people were so impatient and desperate for help with the study guide. everyone kept interrupting each other and you'd hear people sighing and grunting about different questions and comments. like the girl next to me was the worst. i can't tell you how many "oh my god!"'s and "you should know that!"'s i heard from her. she wouldn't yell or anything but she'd whisper really loud, you know? haha. it was so funny cause this old lady in our class is notorious for asking alotta no-brainer questions and blurting out wrong answers out of no where in lecture. well today, since it was a final review, she was going all crazy and so many students would yell across the room, "can we move on?!" =D the girl next to me was dying. i really really felt sorry for the TA today.

but yeah, this is definitely one of the hardest courses i've ever taken. cognitive neuroscience. upper division is really difficult. man, today's final review was so intense. but i do find comfort in the fact that i'm not alone with the anxiety.

last night:

got the other eugene to shoot pool with me for 2 hours but couldn't get him to watch Poolhall Junkies with me.

today:

failed to get to him shoot pool again.

i think God wants me to study tonight.

Thought of the Day: Can we move on?
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-All My Life

well, it's finals week again. one final tomorrow and three on thursday. i'm usually the diligent type when it comes to studying. i'll get all my stuff done when i have to and make myself study at school when necessary. BUT! when it comes to finals week, i'm a totally different person. it's like transforming from Hyde to Dr. Jekyll. i like to use finals week as a time to catch up on anime and movies or blog a lil more than i usually do. on top of that, i like to distract others who are trying to concentrate with their stressful studies. i'll do whatever it takes to get the job done. studying is always a last resort. explanation? i don't have one either.

so far today...

1. finished Samurai Champloo.
2. started Bleach.
3. grocery shopping.
4. finished wrapping x-mas gifts.
5. convinced the other eugene to watch Interview With A Vampire with me in 30 min.

anthropology can definitely wait.

Thought of the Day: Shameful.
Song of the Day: Celine Dion-O Holy Night

Looney Tunes had a few cartoons where the dog or some character would be frozen blue in the snow and they'd be taken to a fireplace to warm up. their body would go from an icy blue to a warm red-ish orange color as if all of the cold was melting away. that's how i feel whenever i take a nice hot shower these days. particularly today, my feet must have been a few degrees colder than the rest of my body cause they were melting with pain as soon as they touched the steaming water. i've really grown to hate cold weather ever since i moved down to sunny southern california. my tolerance for the cold has lowered as my body has adapted to embracing the hot hot sun. haha. it still boggles my mind how it can still be SO sunny in the month of december! (shaking head). only in california.

today after evening worship service, a few of us went out to eat at Coco's for dinner. we were talking about how so. cal people have a problem of not leaving so. cal becaue they're too comfortable with where they are. as dinkas nicely put it, "if they leave so. cal, they'll die!" it's so true how nobody likes change. cpc hung its head in sadness when pastor told us that he was leaving this month. my brother always complains about how skinny i got or how i'm so old and boring now. i stopped hanging out with many people who i used to consider my friends because they're not the same people who they used to be. change forces us to leave our comfort zones.

this past thanksgiving break, i got a chance to do a lot of talking and thinking about my future plans. it slowly dawned on me that i am already a junior in college and that i'll be graduating in less than two years. before coming to college, i had planned to go study and live in korea for a few years after graduation. well, as graduation nears closer and closer, i was thinking about my original plans of going to korea after college. the more i thought about it, the more i didn't want to follow through. i thought about all of the discomforts and struggles i'd have to face. coming back to the states would involve another difficult transition with work and finances too. besides, an unexpected masters degree in education became a very favorable option after graduation.

like i said, i did a lot of talking and thinking back at home...and i mean ALOT. basically, i've come to the decision that i am going to follow through with my Korea plan. i am going to study korean, teach english, learn the culture, and experience life in korea for at least two years. i never realized that my greatest fear this whole time was CHANGE. i am afraid of change. i am afraid of the different. i am afraid of the unknown. and b/c i feel that this fear appears much greater than it actually is, it is a fear that i am going to overcome. for the longest time, i was so blinded by the cons that i completely forgot about the pros. i have to remember that change has its value as well. there can be long-term growth and fruit from change. i am always reminded of pastor dennis' experience with going from youth group to college group. a difficult beginning that resulted in so much blessing. i am certain that he can testify.

the Looney Tunes dog went from a very cold and frozen state to a very warm and vivacious body. i may experience some painful melting, but one day i will awaken and realize that i needed that change to become alive. besides, i have nothing to lose. Romans 8:28-And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Thought of the Day: Unexpected to.
Song of the Day: O Holy Night

8:30pm-6:15am: Irvine to Chattsworth to Cupertino to other side of Cupertino to Antioch to Burlingame. i had to fill up three times. i don't think i've ever driven so much in my life. as unhealthy as it is, my car is SO faithful! God is faithful.



thanks to dinko, i've been listening to a lot of Third Day these days. i never really liked them much in high school except for maybe "God of Wonders." it isn't until recently that i started to appreciate their lyrics. that was probably the only reason why i went to the Billy Graham Crusade on saturday.

i remember when Billy Graham came to San Francisco back in '97. i was just a 7th grader and i really didn't know any better. when Billy did the altar call thing, i remember seeing almost the whole yg going down to "accept Christ." i remember just sitting at my seat not knowing what to do. later, one of my friends told me to hurry up and come down so that people could pray for me. *shrug* they gave me a book, tape, tract, and the gospel. i think along with the pressure, i went down "just in case" i wasn't saved. man, i've come a long way since then.

these days, i've been feeling really dry with reading and praying. it's been pretty burdensome for me to do quiet times even though i do them consistently. but today, i was reading through Romans 8 and was taken aback by the last verse of the chapter: "...nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." i think it's amazing how NO sin can separate us from God's love. no matter how much we abuse grace (every single day), there is nothing that can keep us away from Christ's work on the cross. like i always say, with so much sin there is always so much more grace! i'm reminded of the common expression: "once saved, always saved." freakin' profound.

just like seven years ago, Dr. Graham had the altar call and there were masses of people going down to the field. i'm sure there were many who are already saved but just lacked assurance. as discouraged as i was, i tried to look at the good things of that night. i'm sure God uses those altar calls to really bring people to Christ too. and besides, singing "Your Love Oh Lord" with Third Day and the thousands of people was really cool. there were many moments where i'd just stand there and look around the packed stadium. so many christians. so many ages. so many ethnic groups. so many different backgrounds. all praising God. just a tiny glimpse of heaven...

Revelation 7:9-10-"After this I looked and there before me was a great mulititude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: "Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.""

Thought of the Day: Starting over.
Song of the Day: Third Day-Thief

The Story of Phykas and Dinkas...





it still boggles my mind today. dinko and i are friends. how did this happen? i mean, the two of us weren't too fond of each other in the beginning. i really didn't have a good first impression of him. during friday night bible studies, i'd always think to myself: who is that guy? why does he talk so much? who does he think he is?

it made me really upset how he never greeted me either. i was also shocked when i found out that he was a freshmen just like me. but he talks so openly and so much in front of everyone! freshmen don't act like that! who does he think he is?!

i'd always hear about how he used to be some gangster too. he used to be some badboy but he was different now. i totally couldn't see it. he was just some annoying guy with a dumb nickname to me. but thinking about it now, i think our pasts actually brought us together. at the time, if there was one person who i felt could relate to me, it was dinkas. pretty sad huh? i was really desperate for ANY kind of accountability...and lo and behold, God led me to dinky-winky.

we're really different, him and i. as zenia likes to put it, he's Scarface and i'm Amadeus. he's more ghetto. i'm more koreanized. he snores. i wear earplugs. he takes forever to eat. i'm done in 5 min. he's small. i'm tall. he sins. i'm holy. just kidding.

isn't it crazy how two opposites can come together and become chingoos? only the fellowship of Christ can do that.

Pretzelboi96 (6:53:59 PM): man, this was just a good weekend
Pretzelboi96 (6:54:02 PM): good lovefest
Pretzelboi96 (6:54:05 PM): and good Sunday
Pretzelboi96 (6:54:12 PM): what more can anyone POSSIBLY ask for?
dinko816 (6:57:02 PM): heaven
dinko816 (6:57:05 PM): that's about it

Thought of the Day: Stupid auditory pathway!
Song of the Day: Third Day-Blind

half way into tuturing, jin wanted to show me a "funny" video. turned out that he actually meant a "fun" video cause with the whole korean translation blah blah blah. so he's into this japanese thing called, Pride. it's like Ultimate Fighting Championship but more sporty. a lot less chaotic and wild but nonetheless crazy violent. so we're watching this thing and he's explaining to me in his broken english how it's really big in japan and how certain fighters are better than others. as inhumane as it was, i have to admit that it was some entertaining crap.

i remember this one specific fight though. the first guy was this crazy, buff, mean-looking guy who was all pumped up and screaming at the audience. the second guy was this out of shape, nonchalant fellow who just lazily rose his hand at the crowd. just looking at the two, anyone would've put money on the first guy. the contrast was just so great. but 15 sec. into it, the second guy just punches the first guy in the face and he gets knocked out! and just like that, the guy who looked like a loser ended up becoming the winner. it's crazy when you see these fools who've been fighting each other for like 30 min., shaking hands and hugging each other after the fight.

is it wrong for two people to fight each other even if it's just for sport? people are entertained. champions are paid. fighters stay friends. is it still wrong if one commits violent acts w/o a sinful heart? isn't the heart the real issue anyways? is it wrong for me to enjoy watching these tournaments? haha. funny how they call it "Pride." i can't wait til the Dec. 31st Championship!

Thought of the Day: Pray.
Song of the Day: Relient K-Sadie Hawkins Dance

dago and fergman lovefested really hard last night. running on 3.5 hours of sleep.

Thought of the Day: Edu's free.
Song of the Day: Creed-One Last Breath

i went down to do my laundry but all of the machines were taken. actually, a lot of them were already done but people weren't taking their clothes out. so i waited for about 5 min., got too impatient, and left. on my way out, i saw a girl carrying her heavy laundry load to the laundry room. "SUCKER!" i thought to myself. well, i waited for another 10-15 min. and went back to see if any of the machines were available. when i walked into the room, the same girl was putting her clothes into two of the machines and another lady with a kid told me that she was going to use up the remaining four and wait for another one. who's the sucker now, right?

i carried my basket back to my apt and i've been sitting on my butt ever since. today is supposed to be one of those productive days-get my laundry done and get a GOOD amount of studying done before i take off for cerritos. (shaking head). not gonna happen.

so i was looking through some of the movies on my computer and started watching some clips of Jerry Maguire. man, this was when Renee Zellweger was pretty attractive. i really liked her look and her character in the movie. however, i feel like she just progressively got uglier and uglier after this movie.

she went from...



to...



see what i mean?

and then i was reminded of my favorite actress, Nicole Kidman. not only is she a talented actress but i felt that she was one of the better looking ones in Hollywood. however, she too went from Batman Forever...



to Stepford Wives...



if you look carefully, you can tell that she's getting older by the small wrinkles in her face. but what blew my mind was when i saw her face on tv. Botox ahoy! her face looked so stiff that she didn't even have any wrinkles when she smiled. really awkward...in fact, uglier.

today, we live in a society where beauty is demanding. i think it's really distracting for girls AND guys. girls are pressured to look "beautiful" and guys are in a constant fight against lusting after that "beautiful." the two only encourage each other.

not to bash on looking good or attractive. i think God intended for people to look beautiful. it's just that we either twist beauty into how society defines it or we become too infatuated with it.
Proverbs 31:30-Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
everyone's going to be ugly someday. but godliness is something we can aim to perfect until the day we die. this goes for girls AND guys.

i should go do my laundry.

Thought of the Day: Let the hearts of those seek the Lord rejoice!
Song of the Day: Notorious BIG-I Got A Story To Tell

i think xangas and blogs and aim are really interesting forms of communication. i don't know why but it had just occurred to me right now that the only way we can keep up with everyone's lives these days is to read their xangas or chat online. seriously, if you don't use your computer for like one week, you are totally MIA. you have no idea what's going on in this world and the world has no idea what's going on with you either.

i just finished my daily xanga reading for the day. so many different things going on in so many different lives. different stresses, joys, concerns, reflections, events, stories, and even pictures. it's really crazy if you think about it. i mean, imagine a world without online journals or instant messaging. imagine a world without computers. imagine if jesus had a sn and a xanga. what would his sn be? what would he blog about?

why do i think about such stupid things?

isn't it funny how God even planned these things to happen?

(shaking head). i am so random.



Thought of the Day: Regret.
Song of the Day: Jimmy Eat World-The World You Love

asian american psychology is my favorite class this quarter. our professor is this young indian american lady with a regular profession as an actual psychologist. so basically, she teaches our class as a side thing and i'm learning alot from her lectures. anyways, the only negative about this class is that it's one midterm and one final-both worth 50% of your grade (i really hate these). so i took my midterm on tuesday and did really bad on it...like really bad. it's not like i didn't study for it or anything. i just happened to study what WASN'T on the midterm. quite upsetting as you can imagine. anxiety.

i was walking to class today and as i was walking, the girl walking towards me called my name. jenny from the dorms! i found out that she was in the same class and she had actually dropped the course after bombing the midterm. so that just reminded me of how poorly i did on my test and made me feel even worse. anxiety.

before lecture even started, there was a good number of empty seats and a few students even going up to get their drop cards signed by the professor. so class starts and the professor is really quiet for a few minutes. absolute silence. then she goes...

professor: i first want to talk to you all about the midterm. many of you have come up to me and asked me about it with your anxiety attacks. i just want to remind you that there IS a curve. are there any questions?

and then students started asking different things about format this and format that and grading this and grading that. you could totally feel the discouragement in the room. i'm usually the type to finish tests early but this sucker had kept me the whole class time. i didn't even complete of one of the essay questions! apparently, i was not alone in my poor performance. it made me feel alot better cause i felt like everyone had done really well...kinda like my education midterm. =D less anxiety.

so what is my point? well, before i take any test i always ask God to remind me that test scores do not matter. what matters is the fact that i studied and that i learned. i try to remind myself that grades or gpa should not be my motivation for studying. i just have to try my best because that is what God desires of me.

on monday night, i studied pretty hard. i know i could've studied EVERYTHING but i made a decision to focus on specific things. on tuesday night, i bombed my midterm. even though i did terribly, i should have been content with my efforts. students of God, may we not only study with all of our efforts but also find joy and be content with them...even when we fail our Asian American Psychology midterm worth 50% of our grade.

bah, i'm going to be in heaven someday anyways!

Thought of the Day: Experiment for one week.
Song of the Day: Fat Boy Slim-Funk Soul Brother

two years ago from today, i woke up from a night of partying. i was reading a few of my old entries and i realized that there really was little or no mention of it. freshmen year, the months of november and december were months of depravity for me. i did alot of drinking and throwing up in the dorms. the crazy thing is that i knew i was leading a sinful lifestyle. i knew that my dormmates knew i was a christian. i knew so much but did so little to change. i remember those mornings after the parties, crying in my sinfulness as i sat reading Hebrews 12 or listening to "Worlds Apart." i've had some really broken mornings. i had never been so depressed in my life. but apparently, i loved my sin too much and i'd repeat this cycle week after week. (Romans 7).

we all have our personal sins that we struggle with. we pray our prayers of forgiveness and ask God to change us. it's tough. to change, that is. really tough.

i think that's what makes the Gospel so beautiful. it tells us that we are all dead in our sin and there is nothing we can do about it. but then there was grace. it is nothing that we do. it is only what God did. even after i write this entry, i know i will fail again in my fight of faith. i will regret sinning again. i will ask God for His forgiveness again. and i will fight and fail again and again and again.

but just as God was faithful in bringing me out of my sin two years ago, i know He will bring me out of the sins that i struggle with right now. what grace.



(man, what a "God picture").

Thought of the Day: Pejorative.
Song of the Day: Jimmy Eat World-Futures

psych. class...

(going over hemianopia).
student: yeah, so when i look at the sides of my eyes, sometimes i can see like these three dots. they're like around the blindspots but there's like three dots, you know? why is that?
professor: ...that would be due to much drug abuse.
class: ahahhahahahhah.

i took my education midterm on tuesday. i COMPLETELY forgot that we had a study guide that we could use so i only got to skim through my friend's notes 10 min. into the class. i felt like i had totally bombed that midterm so i was kinda bummed about that. then today in class, the teacher tells us how he was so surprised at this quarter's class cause the class average was a B+! so i'm feeling like a total idiot cause i was probably the only one who messed up the class average. turns out i ended up with a B+!!!



what a daymaker. a true account of God's mercy!

Thought of the Day: I've had a very long day.
Song of the Day: Kara-Jesus, Lover Of My Soul

AsianXboi56 (7:47:40 PM): i've tried alotta things
AsianXboi56 (7:47:45 PM): even just being straight up blunt
AsianXboi56 (7:47:47 PM): cause i was so mad
AsianXboi56 (7:47:48 PM): hahaha
AsianXboi56 (7:47:53 PM): "you will regret it in the end"
AsianXboi56 (7:47:57 PM): "in hell"
Pretzelboi96 (7:48:01 PM): ahhahahhahhah

hearing about my brother having Christian debates with his athiest friends reminds me of my senior year when i used to be really gung ho in "defending my faith." man, just seeing my brother, just a sophomore in high school already so passionate about theology and serving in church, really encourages me. i can really see God working in his life so much.

so here's the master plan...


Grace Kim (edu's sister)
age: 14
status: single
hobbies: playing volleyball and studying alot.
reformed level: one word. Theophilus.


Simon Chung
age: 15
status: single
hobbies: playing chess, basketball, piano, watching korean dramas, and pretending to study alot.
reformed level: high.

mission: hook up brother with edu's sister.

problems: 1. simon's reluctance. 2. edu's unconditional hatred for boys who associate with grace.

solutions: 1. coercion. 2. much prayer.


sure, simon may be no brad pitt. however, what used to be cute...



may not be so cute anymore...



until you just...




edu and i are going to be brothers!

Thought of the Day: Happy Birthday, Mom.
Song of the Day: Tony An-When You Can't Get Love It's More Beautiful

i got this in the mail today...

Finding a church at times can be awkward! Quite honestly that is more the church's fault than it is the one who's looking. Sometimes churches forget what it feels like to be new. At Creekside Christian Fellowship we thought of what it would be like to be looking for a church and what it is that people are looking for. Then we planned our church for you!

Thought a church should...

• Be more interested in what's on the inside that on the outside.
• Help people find out how to get more out of life than how to get beat up.
• Be understanding and not judgmental.
• Have cutting edge contemporary music that you can hear and feel.
• Have life application messges laced with humor and video illustrations.
• Have quality nursery, children and teen programs.

Sunday Mornings 8:15 am Traditional Service

9:45 am Contemporary Service with live band

11:15 am Contemporary Service with live band

what an attractive church. i was really thrown off by the "messages laced with humor and video illustrations." i was even more thrown off when i saw the Traditional Service vs. the "Contemporary Service with the live band." if you notice carefully, you won't see a single mention of God or Christ in this flyer.

coming from a reformed church, i have a hard time being understanding to seeker-sensitive churches. i mean, i know that God can even use churches like this but i question, how far do you go? how do you know when a church is compromising? how do you know if a church is "balanced?"

The front of the flyer says, "Just Imagine...a church designed to meet your needs". if church was meant to meet our needs, then Christ would never be worshipped.

yesterday's psych. lecture:

(professor shows visual perception with a picture).

professor: so as you can see, you'll either see the old woman or the young lady just from looking at the same picture.

student: wait, i think i see a third one!

professor: ...dude, are you on crack?

class: ahahahhahahahahha.

Thought of the Day: Fall.

Song of the Day: 2pac-Keep Ya Head Up

when i moved to Burlingame in 5th grade, i had a very difficult time making friends during the first few weeks of school. i had attended West Portal Lutheran (same school pastor went to!) for 4 years. going from this Christian private school full of chinese people to a dominantly white public school was some mean culture shock for me. the kids were so much badder and everybody wore brand name clothes...except for me.
i specifically remember nobody talking to me on the first day of school. i ate lunch by myself and felt so lonely that i couldn't wait for class to start again just so that i wouldn't be alone. but the most traumatic experience was working with my science group-Alex Myers, Jayce Basques, and Marcus Jaurning (?). oh my. these three white guys would purposely make feel me stupid by playing the repeat game and laughing at my "stupid questions." i never did a single thing to them. they disliked me from the beginning. i HATED them! i even remember one day where they made me so upset that when i got home, i couldn't do anything but cry shamelessly in front of my mom. but by God's grace, i met the two other korean guys in 5th grade, peter and bj. we became friends and started hanging out with the other asians...cause you know, we minorities have to stick together in this sick white world. =D just kidding.
my fondest memory of 5th grade was playing basketball during recess everyday. everybody would go straight to the courts and somebody would yell out, "International vs. America!" isn't that unbelievable? apparently, the "Amercians" didn't see us, asians, as people of this country. but i was too young and stupid to care about it at the time, and everybody would glady split up to their respective sides. we'd lose every game everyday. we tried so hard but those darn white people were so much better. BUT, there was this one day where kensuke was doing particularly well. i happened to be making most of my outside shots. peter was good as usual. and you know, we actually won that day! the Internationals rejoiced and the Americans were indignant. it was like an episode from Wonder Years!

right now, i'm taking an Asian American Psychology class and we're learning about acculturation. when i learn about different models and trends of Asian Americans in my lectures and readings, i'm filled with fascination as i fit more and more puzzle pieces together. it's crazy to reflect on my childhood and see all of the cultural conflict i went through. it's all finally starting to make sense! did you guys know that asians dislike making eye contact with other asians but tend to try harder with white people? (shaking head). freaking culture.

Thought of the Day: Seafood Pasta.
Song of the Day: 2pac-Toss It Up

i was studying for my psych midterm and i came upon this slide...



apparently, this was the lecture i had fallen asleep in and i couldn't recall seeing this slide. i laughed pretty hard at the "Awesome sideburns" part. well, back to studying.

something funny:

after clusters...

me: there were two people in my hall who dropped out after freshmen year.
chris: the gay guy in our hall dropped out.
eugene: all the gay people live in mesa.
ken: hey! i live in mesa!
(eugene and chris nod).
me: ahahhahahahhaha.

something serious:

i've talked to a lot of people who have/had many problems in their life. many of them have told me that their problems only get worse and worse as time goes on. they pray and they pray but they see little or no improvement. even though i usually cannot empathize to their level, i really feel for them and obviously want to give them whatever encouragement i can give. i usually say something like, "i know it's really hard. i can't fully understand what you're going through but you just have to trust that God is sovereign. you should read Job." or something like that. alot of times, i feel like a fool for telling them something that they already know. i obviously want to tell them something original and profound-something "really encouraging!"
like in many of his psalms, David praises God for His faithfulness in Psalm 18. it just hit me that David was a man who always seemed to suffer more and more (kind of like the many people who have shared with me). i mean, Saul tried to kill him. even his very own son tried to kill him! David was always on the move, running away from danger. but psalm after psalm, he never fails to give thanks and praise to God.
today, i was thinking about David's life and why God put him through so much drama. there was so much hardship and trouble-so many years of war and bloodshed and fleeing from his enemies. God, why did you put David through so much in his life?!
answer: so that He could show His faithfulness.
my brothers and sisters in Christ, perhaps that is the answer to many of our most difficult and discouraging times. praise be to God for that.

Thought of the Day: Do not be yoked with unbelievers.
Song of the Day: Beethoven-Moonlight Sonata 3rd Movement

from zenia's xanga:

Eugene says, �Hey Susan, do your dance� and then Susan (my small group leader) does this crazy little clickety skipping dance that makes her look like a horse! I wish I could imitate it and show you, but it�s too hard!
Eugene: �oh you know like the half man/half horse? What�s it called?�
Me (totally confident): �Oh! A CENTURION!�
E: �No! That�s like a Roman commander.�
Me: �WHAT!?!?! NONO! Centurion..half man/half horse! Like in the Bible!!�
E: �Don�t you read your Bible!? That is not what a Centurion is.�
So you know that story in the Bible about the Centurion when Jesus says he has not seen such faith? I literally thought this WHOLE TIME that a centurion was a half horse/half man and the reason for him having such great faith was BECAUSE he wasn�t human, but half horse. I thought half man/half horse creatures existed in the time of Jesus.

from our conversation:

t22n22z33n33 (12:03:07 AM): COME ON!!
t22n22z33n33 (12:03:10 AM): half man half horse!
t22n22z33n33 (12:03:18 AM): i even always pictured it in my head whenever i read that specific story
Pretzelboi96 (12:03:30 AM): i really am speechless
Pretzelboi96 (12:03:41 AM): i don't understand how you can believe such a thing
t22n22z33n33 (12:04:47 AM): b/c like..it's Jesus!
t22n22z33n33 (12:04:51 AM): in the time of Jesus!
t22n22z33n33 (12:05:04 AM): half man/half horse centurions roamed the earth!
Pretzelboi96 (12:05:05 AM): hahahahahahaha
t22n22z33n33 (12:05:11 AM): and Jesus liked them for having such great faith!
Pretzelboi96 (12:05:42 AM): i think it's even funnier how you're still trying to convince me
t22n22z33n33 (12:05:57 AM): no, like, really!! i'm not kidding
Pretzelboi96 (12:06:07 AM): neither am i!
t22n22z33n33 (12:06:10 AM): when he told me it was some roman gurad or captain or whatever i was like outraged!
t22n22z33n33 (12:06:21 AM): i was like "EUGENE!!!! CENTURION!! LIKE IN THE BIBLE!!"
t22n22z33n33 (12:06:26 AM): and i emphasized "BIBLE!"
t22n22z33n33 (12:06:31 AM): like "hello how could you NOT know that?!"

i don't think zenia should ever become a Bible study teacher.


for the past 2 months now, i've been watching this anime called Azumanga. today, in episode 17 they were talking about x-mas and santa claus and reindeers. as i was watching that episode, i started getting goosebumps just thinking about x-mas coming up. even with today's change in weather with the rain, it hit me that winter is coming up pretty soon. i really like x-mas time with the winter break, wearing warm sweaters, shopping for gifts, spending time with the family, and even listening to those gay x-mas songs.



i think my most memorable x-mas time was when i was in the dorms. really really good times with shopping for gifts with bunz in Tustin, exchanging gifts during Finals week, and playing cards in the hall instead of studying. man, i thank God for those memories...i'll never have anything like that again. even though i know that christmas is actually about celebrating the birth of Christ, i can't help but enjoy the secular aspect of the holiday as well. i really can't wait!

Thought of the Day: Emotions make a man a woman.
Song of the Day: Mercy Me-Fall Down

i come back to the apt. for some lunch...

me: EUGENE! don't you have class?!
eugene: (wakes up and looks around). THE HELL?!

eating lunch...

eugene: F! i missed my quiz! this calls for a TTIRA...
me: chore. ahahahahhahaha.
eugene: just for that, i'm not going out tonight. i'm going to study as punishment.

lol. to study = to punish.

Thought of the Day: "Idle Hands" comes from the Alien Hand.
Song of the Day: Chris Tomlin-How Great Is Our God

last night, chris and i went to go visit each and every irvine freshmen to say wassup and advertise Cafe Nite in their dorms. hitting up the dorm people was pretty discouraging with a 100% reluctance rate from the students. after attempting three dorms, we picked up michelle and went around campus putting up flyers late at night. man, i was SO tired when i woke up this morning. i mean, i was pretty drowsy during my first two classes but going to my third class was just a lost cause. if you look at my notebook, it says:

10/12 -History: Localization of Function



aaaaand that's about it. freak. i wrote the title of today's lecture and fell asleep. i even decided to sit up close today in the second row! i NEVER sit that close to the front. i NEVER fall asleep in class. perfect timing. i can hear God laughing at me right now.



i hope many people come out to cafe nite. one lecture was sacrificed.

Thought of the Day: Liquefy.
Song of the Day: Mercy Me-In You

i go to commons almost every single day to study. unlike biola's library, it's pretty quiet and i can get alot done. well, every time i walk through the rows of many individual desks, i see many sleeping students with their heads resting on top of their books. the types of students range everywhere from sorority girls to the unshowered engineers to the fobbiest of immigrants. it makes me really happy to see so many students just resting from whatever their tired day had to offer. it reminds me that i'm not alone in this stressful college life and that there ARE others who are sleep deprived. i just want to pat them on their heads and reassure them that, "it's ok, you can keep sleeping."

Thought of the Day: We're aiming for quality. Not quantity.
Song of the Day: Rebecca St. James-Pray

t22n22z33n33 (8:49:35 PM): dinko816: thats not possibledinko816: because only dinkos and phykos can do love fests
t22n22z33n33 (8:49:40 PM): ewwwwwww!! you philus and stinko!
Pretzelboi96 (8:49:58 PM): don't be jealous, winky
Pretzelboi96 (8:50:05 PM): just b/c april won't sleep over your place
Pretzelboi96 (8:50:06 PM): =D
t22n22z33n33 (8:50:14 PM): OohhHHHhhhH i know you just did notttttt!
t22n22z33n33 (8:50:22 PM): it's ok~ me & april don't need a "love fest"
t22n22z33n33 (8:50:26 PM): we love fest everyday
Pretzelboi96 (8:50:55 PM): t22n22z33n33 (8:49:35 PM): dinko816: thats not possibledinko816: because only dinkos and phykos can do love fests
Pretzelboi96 (8:50:58 PM): ehehhehehehhe
t22n22z33n33 (8:51:11 PM): DANGGGGGGGGGGG
t22n22z33n33 (8:51:12 PM): ok fine
t22n22z33n33 (8:51:16 PM): we'll fight more later, PHILUS



take that, rewind it back!

i prefer much solitude these days. if you don't see me on campus, it's because i choose not to walk on Ring Road. if you see me online, it's only because i have to talk to somebody. if eugene and chris are hanging out and i'm not there, it's because i'm in bed by 12 every night. i'm not asking you to leave me alone or anything. i think i'm just going through a season of solitude. i always have alot of things on my mind. it kind of reminds me of the beginning of my sophomore year...only it doesn't involve as much lonliness. i kind of feel like Jesus who would disappear from large crowds of people or sometimes, even from his disciples. i almost feel like i'm having a loooong quiet time with God everyday.

sometimes, i wish some people would know how i much i pray for them. it's almost like i want them to hear my very prayers. i wish they'd know how much i care for them and how much i want to see them grow. sometimes, i wish people would know how much i want them to change their ways. i wish they could see their sins just as clearly as i can see them. other times, i want them to see just how encouraged i am by their words and actions. i want them to feel my gratitude and appreciation for all of the small things i never thank them for. but even though so many people may not know how i feel about them (for better or for worse), God has full knowledge of everything. i guess in the end, that is all that really matters.

Thought of the Day: It's going to be a good year.
Song of the Day: Noise

clementine: this is it, joel. what do we do?
joel: ...enjoy it.

Thought of the Day: Indelible.
Song of the Day: Mozart-Symphony No. 25 In G Minor

if i'm going to test out this free picture posting thing, i might as well show you guys something you'd enjoy. =D

Thought of the Day: I wish i had cable.
Song of the Day: J-Whoever...Whatever

the weekend is finally here! i mean, the weekend is ALREADY here!!! i love my 2 days of class a week schedule.

Thought of the Day: Incommensurability.
Song of the Day: Eric Clapton-Sunshine Of Your Love

it felt pretty good being on campus again. even though parking got ALOT worse and i didn't get to add my computer science class, school was good. i love the idea of keeping my mind stimulated. even in the classes with the crappy professors who are not qualified to teach, i still learn from their attempts to give an educational lecture. i feel like it's really important to realize that we are not students of the school but rather students of God. and as students of God, we are required to do our best in our studies. we are to be witnesses in our respective secular campuses (well, even at Biola!). we are to glory in God's creation just as much as we are to recognize what sin has done to it. being a student should be a blessing, not a burden.

my last class for today was Asian-American Psychology (psych 174A). man, this class has SO many shekis! you know those retarded asian guys who only come to class to check out girls or be a wiseguy to the professor. they talk during the lecture and make sure that the whole class recognizes that they're too stupid to remember to turn their phones off before class. they're those guys who try to talk like black people yet drive their lowered AZN cars. they abhor class and encourage parties. you take one look at them and wonder HOW the admissions office didn't filter them out. shekidul! they need Christ and i need to learn to love them.

today, i found out that amy was trying to get into two of my psych. classes. amy is like a super duper senior who used to live next to me last year. i met her at ccm when i was a freshmen but i really don't know her too well. anyways, we were walking and talking about how things have been. she told me that she was kinda done with the whole ccm thing now. she realized that ccm isn't everything and that it can't keep you accountable forever. she also realized that it's kinda closed off as a group. she seemed really discouraged just with how everything was going...well pretty discouraged compared to the amy that i'm used to seeing. but the crazy thing that she said to me was, "well, i know YOU'RE doing good. you go to CPC." i'll let you chew on that for a bit.

Thought of the Day: Sensitivity.
Song of the Day: J 5

i feel like i have finally started off the new school year.

1. Hold'em

last night, willburt called me but i missed his call. i was pretty sure he wanted to gamble so i didn't feel like calling him back. however, he got a hold of me online and entreated me to play that night. he had all the boys gathered up and everything! i feel like i have a hard time saying no to the guy. it's not that i have a lust for gambling or anything. it just makes me happy to see willburt happy with his goofy smile. of all of my friends, i enjoy playing with these guys the most. so we kicked off our weekly poker night yesterday at frank's new place...and willburt was happy.

2. Exercise

a few nights ago...

edu: how fast can you run a mile?
me: well, i haven't run in like 4 months. i bet you once i start running again, my 2 mile is going to be around 19 min. for sure i won't go past 20 though. 20 min. is just SLOW!

so my 2 mile time today was 20:14. i lapped this one guy 3 times but by the time i was done, he had lapped me 4 times. dang it, man.

3. Clusters

chris is leading the boys and genie is leading the girls this year. we had a joint meeting today at my apt. all of the freshmen looked through all of the pictures on my computer and laughed at my yellow hair. funny...nobody laughed at me in person when i actually had the hair.


i start my first day of class tomorrow. i've already told this to a million people but this qtr., i only have class on tues. and thurs. that means i have class from 9:30am-6:20pm on those days. right now, i'm having a hard time picturing how difficult or tiring those days will be. i guess there's only one way to find out.

the summer has finally come to a close. i am seriously convinced that this summer was the best summer that i have ever had in my life. everything from paraguay to temp. job to retreats to biola to living at edu's house. i grew up alot this summer. let's see what junior year has in store for me.

Thought of the Day: Thank you, Doe.
Song of the Day: Phorte-Live Korean Megamix #1

i missed friday night bible study tonight b/c my student invited me over for dinner. jin is his name. 31 years old, married to harriet, 31 years old as well. this is the second time i've had dinner with them. the first time, harriet made us spaghetti. tonight, she made us this tasty fried rice. i really like harriet. she's very gentle and kind with her words. i'm almost afraid that anything i say to her will hurt her since she's so innocent. i really like this couple b/c they're so much older than me but i can still see so much of their youth.

i feel like fobs are crazy polite with their guests. i ALWAYS get to drink hot chocolate, juice, or tea whenever i tutor my students. they're just so nice! but what makes me sad is that not a single one of my students go to church. Christ is not their Lord and Savior so i can't help but feel really different from them. all of their kind words and generous actions are not pleasing to the Lord. they merely reflect God's image through their "good" deeds but their motives are all selfish and sinful.

today at dinner...

me: do you usually pray before you eat your meals?
jin: oh! no, not yet.
me: oh, is it ok if i pray by myself then?

oh the stench of awkwardness! but i hope that even these small deeds would somehow be a witness to them. i mean actions do speak louder than words right? jin and harriet do go out to church. but i think they only go b/c the person that helped them move into this country was the pastor. jin tells me that it's still difficult to really trust God.

right now, i'm reading a book by Greg Bahnsen called "Always Ready." i got it as a gift my senior year in high school from chang and i didn't start reading it til this week. haha...better late than never right? anyways, Bahnsen says, "One does not first satisfy his intellect with certain autonomous proofs that God exists and has a particular nature, and then after gaining this understanding place his faith in the Lord. Rather, reverence and faith precede one's understanding or knowledge of God and all that He has made." and with these brilliant words, we, educated christians, know that man is dead in his sin and does not have the ability to even desire God. only God can work in people like Jin and Harriet. only God can make the times that i spend with them meaningful and effective to make the Gospel more real in their lives. and that is why only God deserves all the glory.

Thought of the Day: Two words: FINANCIAL AID.
Song of the Day: New Full Metal Alchemist Opening

i'm here at Biola's library again with edu, doe, and zen (who has apparently replaced our beloved grandpa joe). i am sleeping over edu's place again for the next few days as we study by day and play by night. lately, people have been asking me what edu and i talk about every night before we go to sleep. well, to put it simply we talk about theology and girls: things of the good nature and things that naturally bad. (grin). but you see, when we talk about girls we don't simply go down a list of names and gossip away. we first agree that there is a strong lack of godly women in this world. then we agree that we must FIND the Cave of Godly Women.
note: edu and i do not "lovefest." only dinkas and i do that.

The Theory of The Cave of Godly Women:

look around you. spot any females? there is a 95% chance that the female(s) you have just witnessed is/are not godly. our theory is that somewhere in Africa (i don't know why we always pick Africa), there is a cave full of awesome women. women, godly AND bodily. women, who can cook and clean well with pleasure. women, who do not get angry with passages on submitting to their husbands! women, who are TEACHABLE for crying out loud!!! *tears flowing* now, you must be thinking that you know of a few lucky men who have been blessed with an incredible woman in their life. therefore, you are convinced that it IS possible to find that lucky someone out there-you are convinced that you just have to be patient.

A few suggestions:
1. a good majority of the lucky men who have godly wives are pastors.
2. the few godly women that you've run into are women who have escaped from the cave.
3. if you hit jackpot (found the cave), would you want to share it (announce it to everybody)?

nobody ever talks about the Cave of Godly Women for three reasons:
1. you found it!
2. you are so discouraged by the fact that you will never find it.
3. you are really really discouraged that you convince yourself that it does not exist.

now, the ultimate question is-where do we find the map? that is a very good question and edu has made a very wise observation concerning the matter. if you remember suggestion #1, it states that "a good majority of the lucky men who have godly wives are pastors." now think, where do all pastors go before they claim their precious jewel?

*drumroll*

answer: seminary.

you see, seminarians are so happy on their graduation days, not b/c they are finally done studying, but because they receive their maps on that day...in other words, the diploma is the map!!!

now, the matter with p. dennis. after some thought and discussion, edu and i have concluded that one of three things could have happened to our beloved reverend:
1. he is just having a hard time finding the cave.
2. somebody stole his map.
3. the fool just lost it!

so going back to what i was originally writing about, one of the things that edu and i talk about at night is girls. we encourage each other that we will find the cave someday. we remind each other that God even loves the sinful women who are not of the cave and that we too must continue to love and be patient with them. we exhort each other to keep one another in prayer. this is the fellowship that we share.

Thought of the Day: Almighty Over All finished.
Song of the Day: Eric Clapton-Sunshine For Your Love

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it's really warm. i cannot handle cold. i can handle warm. it's really warm.

Thought of the Day: Outreach is like Paraguay.
Song of the Day: Bebo Norman & Caedmon's Call-Holy Is Your Name

tomorrow is the end of phykas and danny boy...

here i am, sitting on my chair with my keyboard on my lap, staring at my computer monitor which sits on top of my desktop. the desk is at the new apt. along with everything else except for my bed. "I love my Nor Cal box b/c it has handles." says danny boy. he's packing all of his crap right now. man, i swear we had JUST moved in yesterday. i still remember moving into this apt. with my freakin' bed from up north and my ridiculously inconvenient desk.

apt. memories...

-watching movies on danny's computer
-crush talks
-playing hold'em with kevin
-pushups
-watching korean dramas
-cramming bio at the same time
-watching that guy play Madden like a crackhead
-listening to his stupid humming in the bathroom
-getting pumped up to WC
-that one night he ate too much In N' Out during finals week
-making food for that bastard e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y
-getting the "finger" with his stupid smile

poor danny boy...he's going to miss me SO much!

Thought of the Day: When I move you move.
Song of the Day: Modest Mouse-Float On

"after you get back from paraguay, you go through some reverse culture schock thing. i'm going through it right now. really lonely. i got a call from doe, edu, and grandpa joe today. i was SO happy when they called. that is really sad."

that was an entry from july 22nd. after one month, who would've thought that those three would be the people i'd be hanging out with the most this summer. it was always a movie, eating, slapjack, or Cerritos Library.

well, the fellowship has finally broken. i drove up to nor. cal with grandpa joe to help him move in. i can't believe he lives less than a block from my uncle! moving in was alotta work but it was good spending much time with joe these past few days. i still find it funny how i've been hanging out with a 23 and 24 year old almost everyday this summer. funny what a bond in Christ can do.

some things i've learned about myself this month:

1. i CAN use earplugs to fall asleep!
2. i can be impatient.
3. i can be insensitive.
4. i can be stubborn.
5. race & background matter to me no matter how hard i try.
6. so. cal really spoils you. i really really miss it.
7. i idolize people.
8. i need to remind myself of the Gospel ALL THE TIME!!!

believe it or not, numbers 2-4 were rude awakenings for me. i apologize to all who have experienced any form or combination of those three. i am sinful and still learning and always will be. rebuke, forgive, and encourage me.

you know, i actually want school to start again. i want to start being productive and busy again. i want to learn and exercise and keep myself disciplined in alotta areas of my life. i think studying is a very difficult yet WONDERFUL thing! a loser am i? perhaps. perhaps, YOU'RE the one who needs to mature and start looking at things differently. at least i'm not the one who'll be dreading 5 days of the week 3 months at a time. that's right...life IS tough, sucka!

can someone find me a verse on encouraging others?

Thought of the Day: Abhor immature people.
Song of the Day: Yann Tiersen-Comptine D'un Autre Ete

i started writing in a journal today. i actually started writing in paraguay and i told myself i'd officially start once i got back. funny how it took me over a month. anyways, the point is that i finally started and it feels pretty good. it's almost healthy to write in a personal journal i think. i suppose blogs/xangas are just convenient in terms of transferring your thoughts at a much faster rate.

well, i guess won't be keeping up with this blog AS much as i'm used to. a few here and there when the journal is not available or when i publicly want to share with the rest of the world.
"...and in case i don't see ya, good morning, good evening, and good night." *smile*
-jim carrey

Thought of the Day: 1900!
Song of the Day: The last song of the duel

i started august with a temp. job as a counselor/babysitter for kids from all over the country. there was this conference thing for some drug company for 4 days so my job was to go on field trips all over so. cal with the kids of these pharmacists...

hours: 7am-6pm.
days: wed.-thurs.
age group: 12-17
places: Venice Beach, 3rd St., Hollywood, Hard Rock Cafe @ Citywalk, WB Studio, Soak City, and Disneyland.

i couldn't make it to Disneyland b/c i had the Freshmen Trip to go to. but man, the funniest thing was when i saw kids from states like Indiana and Ohio go up to the beach and start taking pictures of the water...

me: hey, do you want me to take a picture of you and the beach and maybe with some sand?
kid: no, it's ok. (takes 5th picture of just the water).

i really learned from this job that American kids (white/black) are SO different from Korean kids. i think American kids are just nicer in general and alot more mature. but yeah, all food, transportation, and tickets were paid for. i was having alotta fun on the fieldtrips and no tax was taken out of our paychecks. payday was indeed a GOOD day.

Freshmen Trip was pretty fun. i got to know a FEW of the freshmen a lil better since only a FEW came. but burying euggles in the sand and watching him act like a sand monster caused some good laughs. all in all, i have much hope for this year's youngest class.

after all of that good stuff, i had meetings for officers and meetings for yg counselors. busy times indeed...almost frustrating sometimes. but yg retreat was definitely a good time! i was so encouraged by my 8th grade boys whom i had this past winter retreat. there were definitely moments of immaturity and disobedience, but it just mades the serious and cooperative times that much sweeter. like i had already shared at the retreat, this was also the first retreat where my team actually got first place in the games! we got first in the rap game (JDI squared!), first in the skit ("cause i'm checkin' YOU out."), and my cabin won the scripture memory contest!!! i got to see many grow and mature. i got to know alot of the kids better. i got to show off Casa De Dios in front of the whole yg! i didn't think i'd get anything out of the retreat, but i felt like i went through a retreat just like the students did. i actually learned from the very bible studies i was teaching and even felt encouraged by some of p. jason's "reformed charismatic" sermons. haha. i don't know. even though i didn't get to go to Six Flags with my brother, i have absolutely no regrets going to the Living Out The Faith retreat. i love those yg kids. praise God!

however, the fun never ends. i still have cg retreat to go to next week and i have to move out of this apt. and move in to another one afterwards. ugh, i'm running on only 16 hours of sleep from the past 3 days. so much more i want to say but so much more tired i feel...

sophia is hecka cute!

JJJJJJDDDDDDIIIIIIII!!!

haley knows chris and becky and laura!

unreforme...

so full from VI...

tomorrow is the Lord's D...

Thought of the Day: Retreat was really good.

Song of the Day: Jesus Generation

as busy as i am, i am enjoying my summer. i have never had a busier summer than this one. everyday is a jampacked day! Jesus, take me now!

Thought of the Day: Another officers' meeting.
Song of the Day: You Said

i've been back in the states for a little over a week now. this past week and a half has been spent hanging out with edu, grandpa joe, and occasionally some of the other team members. have i been in isolation and loneliness? not really. exclusive to only paraguay team members? yeah sure, why not? but anyways, i really haven't given much thought about my experience in paraguay until yesterday's drive back down to so cal. so i guess this is my "mini-testimony", if you will...

i had made my decision to go on missions this summer during my winter break. i had really thought and prayed about it and God answered right away-the burden to evangelize, no crazy plans for the summer, and God's providence with my financial situation. He wanted me to go! but man, i really had no desire or passion to go to Paraguay. whenever i talked with past team members, all i heard about were empanadas, really nice jovenes, and how fun it was. it did not sound like much of a "missions experience" to me. my idea of cpc's annual paraguay team was just 2 weeks of serving with a well-established missionary down there with minimal evangelism. when i thought of going on missions, i thought of reaching the lost and JUST evangelizing. you can go to any missions report night in almost any church and they'll tell you that there are far too many people who have never heard the gospel. i mean, it's not like i was against people going down to paraguay from our church. it just wasn't the missions experience i was looking for. a "weaksauce missions" if you will.

however, i strongly believe that you should go on missions with your church. i'm not bashing kcm or other campus ministries but i personally find it more appropriate to go on missions with the church that you belong in. *shrug* besides, cpc gives you a gang of financial support compared to other missions organizations. so that's how i ended up going to paraguay...and i have absolutely NO regrets!

i really had no idea what to expect from this missions trip. to be honest, i wasn't expecting to change or grow much from it either. but yeah, i think so many "unexpecteds" happened to me...

1. we evangelized alot!

2. i got to know some of my team members pretty well.

3. there were many moments where i was really blessed and encouraged by seeing team members (including the Paraguayans) serve and grow.

if i wrote down every memory that i have of my Paraguay experience, this blog would never end. that is why i'll just end with three things that God taught me...

1. door-to-door or preaching in the streets isn't the only way to evangelize. God can even use activites like VBS or testimonies from different people to work in many hearts.

2. missions is not about how much you suffered or how difficult it was. just b/c you didn't struggle physically does not make your experience a "weaksauce missions." we are all called to be missionaries wherever we are. sometimes you're more blessed than others. sometimes you're not. but you're still called to be a salt and light wherever you are.

3. going on missions isn't JUST a time of evangelism. it is also a time of serving, encouraging, fellowshiping, and growing.

i praise God for everything i experienced. i encourage EVERYONE to go on missions. i won't lie to you...you'll have to sacrifice alotta time for training and the actual missions trip itself. but i promise you, God will reward your commitment. ok ciao ciao.

Thought of the Day: Stinkin' dinner with cousin.

Song of the Day: Everclear-Everything To Everyone

i found out today that many couples broke up in like the past week.  i'm sure all of them are discouraged and really hating it right now.  well, God is sovereign and always good.  read God's word, pray, and be encouraged.  ok, ciao ciao.

Thought of the Day:  Aaron is not here to sign out.
Song of the Day:  God Bless Korea

i can't believe edu got bbikeh!

eDDo 30 (1:49:59 PM): man, my foot hurts

i think i spent most of my time with edu in paraguay.  God showed us that we were seriously meant to be together.  we shared too many experiences together...

1.  Juan being a gangster and dancing for us.
2.  Antonio's barf prophecy being fulfilled.
3.  The fat kid getting hit by the small kid out of no where (edu's favorite).
4.  Eugenio farting loud (twice!) in his sleep in front of doe.
5.  Laughing uncontrollably at Terrance's performance.

stuff like that.  i like edu alot. 

i can't believe he actually got bbikeh!

after you get back from paraguay, you go through some reverse culture schock thing.  i'm going through it right now.  really lonely.  i got a call from doe, edu, and grandpa joe today.  i was SO happy when they called.  that is really sad.

Thought of the Day:  Everything's weird.
Song of the Day:  Foo Fighters-Times Like These

i'm leaving for paraguay in 2 days. i've been in cerritos, practicing body worships, perfecting our skits, gospel training in spanish, making bracelets, and praying every single day this week. it didn't hit me until last night how privelegded i was to go on missions. most of the time, i was thinking about how I'D be helping out the people down there and how I'D be evangelizing to people who need Christ and how I'D always have to be sensitive and considerate and patient to the Paraguayans. last night, God humbled me and showed me how arrogant and impatient and conditional my heart was. i really do not deserve to go out there and share the gospel. my lips are so unclean, my mind is so unfocused, my heart is often hardened in pride...the list goes on and on. there have been too many times where i judged people on my very own team. there have been too many times where i have been bitter towards people who did not support me financially. there have been too many times where i did not train and prepare with joy. but i thank God that He has allowed me to go Paraguay, even if it's just for 2 1/2 weeks. i thank God that He chooses to uses the weak and imperfect things of this world so that He would be glorified. i thank God for being just and humbling the proud. i thank God that He still loves me even when i turn to idols for happiness. i thank God that He is so patient with me. God, be glorified through me in Paraguay.

Thought of the Day: Thuglife.
Song of the Day: 2pac-Hail Mary

grades for spring 2004 came out so i checked my grades today. NR for film studies?! (Original grade was NR which became F or NP after one quarter of attendance or at the end of the quarter immediately preceding award of the degree, whichever came first.) it said. my transcript didn't even show it as an attempted class. so i was getting all scared that i failed this class b/c i REALLY did not want to take it over again. i really felt like i was having one of zenia's panic attacks.

as i was about to email my TA about my grade, i found an email from the professor letting me know that they just hadn't sent in the grades yet but that i had passed. *PHEEEW* (wipes sweat off brow).

haha. it was kind of funny to see my grade turnout for this past qtr. in the classes that i concentrated and studied for the most, i did the worst. the class that i barely studied in, i got A-'s. but praise God for allowing me to pass the Film Studies courses and also giving me some very kind grades. but i'm even more glad that i learned so much from these courses. all glory to Him.

retrospect:

sophomore year was a big year of growth for me. i know that i said that i probably grew and learned the most in my freshmen year, but this year was a different kind of growth. apt. life was totally not what i expected it to be. school actually became enjoyable (to a certain degree). i became closer to people who i never would have imagined. God reevealed to me even more of my sinful nature and even more of His holy character. i feel like many of my thoughts and beliefs were sharpened and tuned during my soph. year.

memories:

1. moving into Parkwest and going to IKEA 20 million times.
2. watching Casablanca with little eddie the night before my last final.
3. studying for math final with little eddie.
4. all of those beef-based tensions with aaron.
5. talking to danny boy about girls for the first time.
6. all of those hold'em nights at willburt's.
7. crawford's surprise b-day party.
8. reading for History 21a and dropping the course.
9. all of those dorm dinners at la.
10. the night i went to la to study for finals.
11. dormal!
12. that one day we hung out at barrel's place when terrance's socks smelled really bad.
13. chilling at boba loca with terrance, sunshine, and barrel.
14. lovefest 2004.
15. trying to fix my computer after attempting to reformat.
16. playing ball at san marco.
17. studying at Cerritos Library after outreach.
18. playing hold'em with rachel and sarah for the first time.
19. studying with chris at Gateway.
20. all of those walks after class with erica.
21. seeing hannah almost every single day.
22. meeting all of my students for the first time.
23. that one time kevin stayed at my place for like over a week.
24. eating at Sergio's for the first time.
25. going to USC and hanging out with mariela and alice in ktown.
26. all of those random times barrel came over.
27. chang's wedding.
28. eating dongchimee with chang and the gang.
29. three words. Casa De Dios.
30. yg retreat.
31. taking out wisdom teeth.
32. roadtrip with la.
33. the drive up north with jane yu and jennifer moon.
34. fixing my car too many times.
35. watching danny boy playing Madden like EVERY single day for a while.
36. getting new hold'em chips.
37. getting new cell phone.
38. cafe nite.
39. noraebang in ktown with many.
40. playing ball at usc and killing them every time.

to be honest, these times weren't nearly as memorable as my freshmen year memories. all good.-dinkas.

thursday: vip, alberto's.
friday: pizza.
saturday: dongchimee, alberto's again.

i'm going to start exercising again after paraguay.

Thought of the Day: You make bracelets that don't fit in hell.
Song of the Day: MercyMe-Here Am I

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
Name
Birthdate
You killed
With a
On	January 17, 2010
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

first official day of summer vacation.
mission: have a wasteful day.

1. woke up at 11:30.
2. didn't eat lunch til 2.
3. watched Ricki Lake, KCAL news, and the Bernstein Bears for one hour.
4. ate a tuna sandwich while playing chess with terrance at 3:30.
5. ate another tuna sandwich right after danny boy left for work.
6. watched Heavyweights at 4.
7. blogged about my wasteful day at 6.

mission accomplished.

Thought of the Day: Oh No!
Song of the Day: Jinusean-How Deep Is Your Love

You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just
because you were disguised as a toy doesn't
mean you weren't educational, you sneaky
bastard.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thought of the Day: Calm down.
Song of the Day: Hoobastank-The Reason

the sun has suddenly appeared from the white clouds, fatboy slim is playing the right beats, and my stomach is full from In N' Out. Finals are finally fin! this long awaited day has come and it still hasn't really hit me yet. it's always like that right after your last test. i wanted to celebrate but there really isn't anybody to celebrate with...right now.

well, i took my bio final yesterday. after my first two midterms, i didn't go to class again b/c i kept falling asleep in every lecture. so just like every test in that class, i would study all of the lectures online the night before, wake up and study more, pray, take the test, and pray again. well, i felt that this final really raped me inside and out. anyways, i got home and checked my test score. i got an A??? and today, i got home and checked my final grade for the class. 87-100 = A. and lo and behold, i had 87 points. it would be absolutely retarded if i took ANY claim on this grade. all glory to God. a B would have been a very gracious grade. an A is just absolutely undeserving. all glory to God. all glory to God!

i've been doing alotta thinking about my future career lately. i think i've decided that i want to teach math. i talked to several counselors this past week and it didn't look too good for me since i have no math background. after talking to a counselor again today, there's an exciting chance that i might end up doing a math minor. funny, isn't it? phil doing something like math? as much as i really SUCK at math, i think it's a subject that i really enjoy. it's going to be interesting planning all this crap out.

Thought of the Day: J schmOE 31 (1:32:06 PM): freedom is great
Song of the Day: Fatboy Slim-Tequila Remix

AsianXboi56 (5:05:14 PM): hi its mom
Pretzelboi96 (5:05:23 PM): hi mom
AsianXboi56 (5:05:58 PM): are ok?
Pretzelboi96 (5:06:05 PM): excellent!
Pretzelboi96 (5:06:16 PM): i have two more finals to take
Pretzelboi96 (5:06:20 PM): one tomorrow
Pretzelboi96 (5:06:23 PM): and last one on thursday
AsianXboi56 (5:06:28 PM): don't laughing
Pretzelboi96 (5:06:34 PM): i'm not
AsianXboi56 (5:07:15 PM): i'm so happy because simon came back
Pretzelboi96 (5:07:29 PM): haha me too
Pretzelboi96 (5:07:36 PM): his face keeps getting bigger!
AsianXboi56 (5:07:52 PM): very hot today here
AsianXboi56 (5:08:27 PM): aye
AsianXboi56 (5:08:28 PM): it's me now
AsianXboi56 (5:08:29 PM): dude
Pretzelboi96 (5:08:32 PM): ayo
AsianXboi56 (5:08:38 PM): she was SO fasinated by aim
AsianXboi56 (5:08:40 PM): hahahahahhaa
AsianXboi56 (5:08:42 PM): she was cracking up
Pretzelboi96 (5:08:46 PM): lol
Pretzelboi96 (5:08:48 PM): very nice
AsianXboi56 (5:08:48 PM): when she said "how are you"
AsianXboi56 (5:08:51 PM): and you went excellent!
AsianXboi56 (5:08:57 PM): she started laughing so hard
Pretzelboi96 (5:09:00 PM): ahhahahahhahahahha

Thought of the Day: So...how 'bout them Lakers? =D
Song of the Day: The Turtles-So Happy Together

congratulations. you are the "you smell like
butt" bunny. your brutally honest and
always say whats on your mind.


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

my favorite time of the year has come. i think jay said it best when he told me how "we always ends up finding other things to do rather than studying for finals." studying is always a last resort. i've already started one movie for the week, checked my email, read everyone's blog, checked everyone's away message, and even tried to fall asleep early so that i can just study in the morning. well before i hit that book another rare time, i've decided to blog b/c blogging kills lots of precious productive time.

this qtr.'s final week schedule is one final everyday from monday-thursday. that means that i've already finished my first one, film. as i was taking my final, i took one last good look at my secret crush but a whole buncha interest just left me. it's not that she looked any different or anything but all that secret crush stuff just suddenly left me without a warning. so unfortunately, i did not get to ask her out to dinner. *shrug* happens all the time. me being the romantic that i am probably would have just bought her in n' out or something anyway.

party in irvine. wednesday. be there, or be square (like jess kim).

Thought of the Day: Aaron is leaving this saturday.
Song of the Day: Boa-My Name

Casa De Dios

First verse:
Mejor es un dia en la casa de Dios
Que mil anos lejos de El
Prefiero un rincon en la casa de Dios
Que todo el palacio de un rey
Que todo el palacio de un rey

Chorus:
Ven conmigo a la casa de Dios
Celebraremos juntos su amor
Haremos fiesta en honor de aquel que nos amo
Estando aqui en la casa de Dios
Alegraremos su corazon
Le brindearemos ofrendas de obediencia y amor
En la casa de Dios

Second verse:
Arde mi alma, arde de amor
Porque el que me dio la vida
Por eso le anhela mi corazon
Anhela de su compania
Anhela de su compania

Thought of the Day: Computer is back to officially back to normal.
Song of the Day: Casa De Dios

i have this secret crush on this girl in my film class. while she sits on the far right side in the front of the class, i'm on the far left in the 4th or 5th row secretly spying on her. since my eyes are bad, i can't see her all too clearly. but from what i can make out, she seems to have a pretty face, shoulder length black hair, and skinny body. my best guess is that she's japanese but i could be totally mistaking a chinese of some kind. so anyways, i have film on mondays and wednesdays. i always steal quick glances at her while i'm supposed to be paying attention to the professor. but sometimes we make this unprepared and unexpected eye contact. scary times dude! but of course, my blurred vision could be showing some false realities. perhaps she is just looking at hannah who is sitting right next to me. perhaps she is just looking at the ugly wall that stands right beside me. whatever the case, i cannot take any risks b/c she finding out that me slyly spying on her would absolutely end my life. man, i don't even know her name. i don't know a SINGLE thing about her. but i do know that i like the way she dresses. maybe i'll ask her out after finals. HAHA! man, i hate the bozo who sits right behind her and always talks to her. that guy is annoying.

AsianXboi56 (10:04:26 PM): shouldn't you be studying
Pretzelboi96 (10:04:51 PM): but shouldn't i also not push myself too hard?
Pretzelboi96 (10:05:02 PM): you know, life isn't all about studying
Pretzelboi96 (10:05:07 PM): there's more to this life
AsianXboi56 (10:05:10 PM): right phil
AsianXboi56 (10:05:16 PM): you're really pushing yourself

cynics can be such bastards.

i went to go study at Gateway Commons last night for the first time with chris. i always heard about the 24 hour study area but i never gave myself the opportunity to actually take a visit...since i don't study. =D so we're passing by all these computer labs and there's all these engineers there. lol. you could totally smell the lack of shampoo in those rooms. well, chris was doing his own thing and i was doing mine, and i had come upon some very interesting words from an article i had to read for my film final. terrance once asked me if i had to choose to watch just one, would i choose korean dramas or anime. at the time, i said korean dramas b/c i thought watching real life people was more appealing to the eye. but after reading this article, i really don't know anymore. this guy gives such a cool explanation...

Tomov: Animation has its charm and qualities. It delivers different aesthetic and emotional experience. It is not just about telling a story the fastest and the cheapest way. The Triplets would have not been nearly as interesting and unique if it was a live action film. The hand made, drawn feel that comes from the screen, the stylization of the characters (you can not find actors with this kind of bizarre physics) resonate quite well with the equally bizarre story we are witnessing.

when i read that, i was like WOAH! (and i'm sure when you read that, you were like LOSER!). i'm no film major but i definitely appreciate alotta different things i'm learning in this class. as much as i have hated my film TAs for this year and as much as i have hated writing those (insert bad word) papers, film is so cool. you should go watch The Triplets of Belleville. i should go listen to my brother's words.

Thought of the Day: Oh yeah, I have to study for Korean Oral Test!
Song of the Day: Ataris-Boys Of The Summer

i watched Day After Tomorrow yesterday with sun and terrance. i always thought the preview looked kinda cool but everyone i asked seemed to have no interest in the movie. luckily, i have my set group of movie friends who are down to watch almost anything with me. i think we all agreed that it had been pretty long since we all felt so tense during a movie. it is probably the best disaster movie i've ever seen! but man, there was this one part that really opened my eyes...

so this kid's dad is a climate expert and he tells his son to tell everyone that he needs to stay inside or else they were going to freeze to death outside. so everybody starts leaving the place to walk outside b/c they don't see the danger. the kid desperately asks people to stay inside and to trust him b/c he knows that his dad is right with these kinds of things. but everyone is leaving and many people freeze to death. i think that scene is so similar to evangelizing to nonchristians. our Father knows best and tells us to tell spread the important news to everyone. but people have such hardened hearts and they do not listen. the scary thing is that they will not merely experience a freezing to death. they will experience spritual death...forever.

i got sick last night. i got REALLY sick today at church. it went from a minor sore throat to an aching flu or fever. today was like the first time i didn't finish my jjajangmyun at VIP. when everything you eat tastes like newspaper, you really appreciate your regular appetite that you have...which reminds me of another anology:

Romans 5 talks about with so much sin, there is so much more grace. however, we definitely should not think that we ought to sin more so that grace would inrease. i was thinking about my life and how i foolishly live in my sinfulness. we know so much better but we continue to fall in our sin. i was thinking that was pretty similar to cutting your leg and taking medicine. when you're in so much pain, you appreciate the medicine b/c it relieves and heals the pain. the greater the pain, the more you love and cherish the medicine. however, only a fool would continue to cut his leg just so that his apprecation for medicine would increase more. i don't know, i'm never good with analogies. but this was something that i just thought about during the week (whether or not it makes sense).

Thought of the Day: I really envy SD and Riverside
Song of the Day: Mercy Me-Here Am I