college group and em have finally merged and pastor dennis is no longer at cpc. we had a banquet dedicated to him on friday where i had high hopes in seeing him cry like a baby. man, that guy has too much pride. he wouldn't even shed ONE tear for me!
i think crying is a funny thing. we cry when we are broken, sad, happy, scared, or sometimes when we're just laughing too hard. you can only cry when you have so much emotion that your heart can't handle it. all of those feelings are manifested in tears and an ugly face. i have NEVER cried in a korean drama or any type of movie in my life. there has never been a secular book or song that has moved me to tears before. there are only three things that can make phil cry:
1. death of a loved one.
i've been to three funerals in my life. obviously, i'll mourn for a loss in my life. seeing/hearing other people cry makes me want to cry too. i feel their pain and can't help but sympathize. i guess this one's a no brainer.
2. guilt of my sin(s).
i hate my sinful nature. i believe that Christ lived and died for me so that i can have a life of righteousness. but no matter how much i believe this truth, i still sin. when your life is so full of sin, you cannot be happy. it opposes our calling to be children of light. the most miserable person in the world is the christian who does not live like one. when i realize that my life is overwhelmed with sin, i will cry.
3. God's love.
whenever i am really reminded of God's faithfulness and grace, tears are inevitable. i am reminded through the Bible, prayer, and songs. the reason for this is because those three things are Gospel-centered. when i remember Christ, i cry thankful tears.
i wish i could cry everyday. i wish i could remember the depths of my sins, but even the greaters depths of God's love...daily. but i guess even these things are not possible in the sinful nature. we are indeed a creation that is prone to forget. if you ever see me crying, praise God because it is just another moment where God is reminding me of what i always forget...
the mistakes I've made
that caused pain
I could have done without
all my selfish thought
all my pride
the things I hide
you have forgot about
they're all behind you
they'll never find you
they're on the ocean floor
your sins are forgotten
they're on the bottom
of the ocean floor
my misdeeds
all my greed
all the things that haunt me now
they're not a pretty sight to see
but they're wiped away
by a mighty, mighty wave
a mighty, mighty wave
your sins are erased
and they are no more
they're out on the ocean floor
take them away
to return no more
take them away
to the ocean floor
these words made me cry today.
Thought of the Day: "Big-Stylez Eddie"
Song of the Day: Audio Adrenaline-Ocean Floor