wednesday:

me: anacondas are really big snakes! have you seen the movie?
dillon: no.
me: well, they're REALLY big! what if an anaconda came into your house and was right there in your living room?
dillon: i'd run to my room.
me: but what would you do? what if it comes in?
dillon: i'd wear all of my hockey gear and jump out the window!
me: WHAT?! you do know that this is a two story house right? why don't you just try and run out the front door? too scared?
dillon: yeah. i think if i jump out the window, there will be enough cushion from my hockey gear.

i swear this kid thinks he's SO smart! i'm going to bring me an anaconda one day and hide his hockey gear. =D

today: Jordan's Freewrite

Why I Hate Burritos

I hate burrito because it taste gross. It has weird bread with peanut and some grossy spicial soas. I hate it because it looks and taste grossly. I think nothing can make burritos better. That's how bad I feel about that stupid burritos. I wonder why Mexicans like those grossy burritoes.

i'll let you see the original on my wall. haha.

Thought of the Day: Over 20 dollar game!
Song of the Day: Nas-Sweet Dreams

in my math class, there's this girl that always sits in front of me. she's pretty cute with her nice hair and always dresses in an appealing manner. well, the first day i had lecture, she sat next to me and i thought it was aaron's friend, bora...but i thought she had just gotten alot prettier over break or something. i didn't want to chance it so i waited til class was over. as she was getting up to leave, i lightly called out her name. no response. i called out her name a little louder. no response. so i concluded that it wasn't bora at all. i was so happy i hadn't asked her if she was bora. *wipes sweat off brow*

anyways, day 2 comes along and this time she sits in front of me. day 3 comes along, same thing but THIS TIME, some dude sits next to her. during the lecture, he asks her a question about a problem and he introduces himself to her. they shake hands and i overhear that her name is jennifer. so i'm thinking, "well, they're probably never going to talk to each other again after today." *ahem* WRONG! that stupid loser with his stupid hat and his stupid sweater ends up sitting next to her every lecture and they're always conversing with each other! man, it just tears me up inside when i see her smile or laugh at his stupid comments. i mean dude, THAT COULD'VE BEEN ME! i could've been that stupid idiot with my stupid questions and my stupid jokes. she even offers him chips and stuff. *sulk*

i finally had the guts to ask jay to keep me accountable this quarter. i'm usually not the type to ask for accountability just cause i'm so used to doing it for others. i had this whole misconception that some people were just meant to keep others accountable (stupid ben). i realized that EVERYONE needs that somebody who can keep them in check and continually pray for and encourage them. i think the best example is a pastor. do you ever wonder who keeps your pastor in check? i think it's really sad how pastors are always neglected in terms of acccountability from the ministry that they're serving in. if anything, i think they need the MOST encouragement, just cause being a pastor can be a very difficult service. but yeah, i've gone off topic again...

i'm meeting with jay every week and we started to meet last week. i'm really glad that i have someone who can really relate to me in terms of personality, maturity, and knowledge. if there's ANYONE i could choose to share with, it would have to be with jay. even though i was really hesitant with asking him b/c of his busy academics and burdensome gf (yeah, Jess, that's you!), i think i finally came to a point where i was desperate. already just from our first meeting, i can tell that the times we meet will be blessed times. i'm not talking about that piece-of-crap accountability where you ask each other online how they're doing every week. i'm talking about being really intimate and transparent with your christian brother/sister, sharing your struggles and joys, growing in theology, and of course, praying for one another. if you don't have someone REALLY keeping you accountable, i exhort you to find someone quick. i really do believe that EVERYONE has time to keep someone accountable. there is no excuse.

when i go home from school, sometimes i'll take a right on Harvard so i can just go down Culver. dude, that freakin' signal is ALWAYS green when i'm approaching it. but as soon as i start speeding up when i'm about 15 feet away from the crosswalk, the thing turns yellow! it's as if the signal KNOWS that i'm coming and it's purposely turning red just so that i'll slam on my brakes at the last second. i hate that crap! when i look on Culver's side, i see a whole bunch of cars just waiting too. it's ridiculous. there's also this other street, Marquette. OH my! this crap does the same thing except it does it even when there's NO cars on the opposite street. so i wait at the red. i look at the signal. 1 min. passes. i look at the opposite signal. ok good, it's turning yellow...it's my turn to go soon. opposite signal turns red and my street signal turns green only the LEFT TURN?!!! and i'm telling you, there's NO cars on the Left Turn lane! this crap takes another min. too. (shaking head). i swear these signals have their own retarded personalities.

Thought of the Day: I hate my hair.
Song of the Day: Utada Hikaru-Distance M-flo Mix

you know for once, i actually miss home. i haven't felt this way since freshmen year's thanksgiving break. i think there's alotta factors to it:

1. i miss my hold'em players back at home.
2. i ask danny to play chess with me everyday and he always says no.
3. i'm finally sick of my own food.
4. i just need to step out of this apt. sometimes...if you know what i mean.

lately, just talking with my brother has shown me that he's grown up so much. it just hit me today that i could talk about so many things with him: theology and relationships and sin and family and money and school. i mean, he's still really young and everything but he's definitely pretty mature for his age. the things that he knows for a 14 year old...fudge. i would've never learned the things he knows today. i was one ignorant crap back in the day. i really had to EXPERIENCE everything on my own to really learn the ropes. man, this 2 year old who used to beat me up with his spiderman van toy now talks about the problems he sees in his yg. amazing.

Thought of the Day: So uncomfortably full.
Song of the Day: Mercy Me-Word Of God Speak

as i sit here at my desk and my mind goes to wander
as i sit here at my desk i cannot help but ponder.
i think about my life that is far from humble.
i think about what if people knew and how much they would stumble.
obedient chrisitan is what i am called to be
obedient christian is not what i see.
everyday, i realize that i am arrogant and proud,
everyday, my conscience screams aloud.
so many people i hate and judge
so many people i struggle to not hold a grudge.
i think i'm smarter, stronger, and better than all
i think i'm something that does not deserve to fall.
i envy, i curse, i always seem to lust
i feel so trapped in sin it almost feels unjust.
the idea of grace always seems to boggle my mind
the idea of my God always loving, forgiving, and kind.
i can go on and on about His wonderful grace.
i can go on and on about His love i daily deface.
sometimes i wish i could go to heaven and escape this life
sometimes i wish i didn't have to experience everything, even meeting my wife.
why can't Jesus come and take us home now?
why can't i see Him face to face so that i can worship and bow?
i am supposed to be patient and accept His perfect plan.
i am supposed to be one who lives and obeys the best that he can.
i hate the fact that i take delight in temporary pleasures.
i hate the fact that i'm just throwing away all of my heavenly treasures.
but i will live my utmost for His highest.
but i will live my undeterredness for his Holiness.

i finally finished The Purpose Driven Life. what was supposed to take 40 days ended up taking something like 40 weeks. but i started My Utmost For His Highest today. the first bit that i read today was just so good. this crap is so profound! well, my poem didn't exactly turn out the way i had hoped. but i just wanted to end it with what i read about today in my book.

Thought of the Day: So hard to love.
Song of the Day: Propose

zenia: GEUREH! let's play!

ahahahhahahahah.

Thought of the Day: *snap*
Song of the Day: Britney Spears-Toxic

i had one of those "THIS close to crapping in my pants" days today. i ate alotta food last night cause dr. kim took irvine to shik-do-rak for dinner. oh yeah, we definitely did well. sean-"they have NO idea!" haha. anyways, i was going to save it til this morning but i just couldn't hold it in last night. so i got out of bed, unloaded at 1am, and went back to bed. well, i was about to go work out today, but as soon as i made the decision, my stomach started working up again. after round 2, i went to go arc it. so i'm running and sweating and doing my thing...

incident 1: leg lifts.

me: (in my head). 23...24...one more! twenty...*conspicuous fart* five!

incident 2: weights.

me: are you using these?
guy: yeah.
me: oh ok. *silent fart* (3 seconds later, i KNOW everyone around me smelled THAT!)

incident 3: car.

so i'm driving like a madman cause i seriously felt like something was going to implode inside me. man, those 10 min. redlights and grandma drivers! *shaking fists* i didn't even bother to look for parking. i just parked at the first spot i saw (the towing area) and ran into the apt. shook my shoes off, dropped the keys, ripped my jacket off, and *MOOOOOOAN* man, you should've seen my face! a freakin' masterpiece filled with so much emotion mixed with pleasure and pain. eyes squinted, cheekbones raised, knees grasped by hands, and occasional turnings of the head. i couldn't believe how much came out of me! i haven't felt this much pain since high school...good ol' x-country days. lol. i was so grateful that my car did not get towed and that i even found a parking spot...far far away.

but dude, what's with my metabolism? that's three BIG times within 20 hours!

Neil Diamond is the man!

Thought of the Day: Pulp Fiction is my favorite movie.
Song of the Day: Neil Diamond-I Can See Clearly Now

i think God wants me to go on missions this summer. there have just been so many signs:

1. joey asks me what i'm doing this summer. i reply, "nothing."
2. i'm almost done with Purpose Driven Life. i've been reading about missions this and missions that.
3. p. dennis brings up "outreach" on fri.
4. kcm chapel. did i forget to mention the idea of MISSIONS?!

it's ridiculous i tell you. i really think this is the year for me to go...finally. ever since sunday, i've been praying about it every night. despite all of my physical/mental inabilities and financial obstacles, i think God is really tugging at my heart to go. i have to keep reminding myself that missions is a command and not a suggestion. yes, it is time.

i swear there are just not enough hours in a day. after i come home from school, i have work. after work, i have textbooks to read. after studying, i have a body to work out. after arc, there's no time for hold'em or a movie. this 9:00 morning class really kicks you in the balls. there's nothing i can do about it, but endure the pain and wait til it goes away...in 10 weeks. winter qtr. is supposed to be your toughest and busiest qtr and yeah, it is. but i know lots of people who have it harder than me. haha, it cracks me up when i hear their schedules or when i see their faces when they've just finished their last class for the day. i seriously have no right to complain...but i think it's ok to laugh at them. =D exhortation: 1 Cor. 10:31.

i finally bought Pulp Fiction dvd last night! Collector's Edition baby!

Thought of the Day: Really bad breath.
Song of the Day: The Lord is Gracious and Compassionate

i was reading my entry from last night and i thought it was really funny how my Thought of the Day happened to be, "If I do not love, I am nothing." my entry was talking about some random things that i love, but i never had intentions of making the entry go together with the Thought of the Day. the reason why i had the whole love thing was b/c lately, i've really been concentrating on 1 Corinthians 13 (the love passage). you know, i feel kinda stupid now for explaining all of that. anyways, i tried going to bed at 12 so that i could get enough sleep and be ready for my 9:00 class. man, i really wish i had more control over my body. i want to tell my body to sleep when iiiiii want it to sleep. i want it to be awake when iiiiii want it to be awake. imagine the convenience and efficiency! anyways, since i can't fall asleep and i wrote about all this crap that i love, i think it's only fair that i blog about some things that i hate.

do you know what i hate? i hate it when you're tired, like really drowsy but you cannot fall asleep. you toss and turn for hours until finally, your body gives in and you fall asleep! 2 seconds later, the alarm clock goes off and it's time for another wonderful day at school! i cannot recall all of the times that this has happened to me in high school but i do know that it has happened to me at least 10 times. that's just 10 times too many.

do you know what i hate? i hate it when i'm stuck at home with absolutely nothing to do. well actually, that is not a valid statement b/c there's always SOMETHING to do...but you know what i mean. you are indifferent to every book, channel, and song. your buddy list has idle screen names with away messages like "brb" or "I am away from the computer." you don't even know why you keep checking their profiles every 10 seconds. xangas have not been updated and there's no email to read. then later at night, you find out that everyone was hanging out w/o you. why didn't you call me? "uh, i don't know." is their best response. man, life is tough.

do you know what i hate? i hate it when i pick someone up and they take forever just to come out. lagger: noun. a person who has no respect for the person that is doing them a favor. but you see, there are different forms of laggers. you have your occasional laggers. they lag just like the others but they have their unintentional moments of punctuality. you have your regular laggers. these fellas will never let you down when it comes to lagging. there isn't a single time they have been on time for anything. that's right aaron, i'm talking about you! but you see, with these two forms you also have different specifics.
the apologetic lagger: they know they are late and they apologize every time they step into the car. they try to help you understand that they try really hard to be on time. this pisses me off so much that it's making me laugh right now. if i can be on time, YOU CAN BE ON TIME!
the apathetic lagger: yeah, they don't even bother to hurry towards the car and they comfortably slide in and greet their hello. there are no feelings of regret and they act as if they were punctual the whole time.
the defensive lagger: if you peep a suggestion about being on time, they'll speech on your impatience or even add a "you don't have to be so anal about it!" these little pricks, i mean laggers are the worst of them all. a very sinful and closeminded mentality they have. i personally do not think they deserve to live.
conclusion: lag with me and you die!

do you know what i hate? i hate it when you're running for exercise and your shoelaces get untied. you have to stop, bend down, tie your shoes as quickly as possible, and start up again. but when you start up again, your whole respiring routine is out of sync. your leg muscles feel like they've gained 5 pounds and irregular breathing is just asking for a cramp. it just totally ruins the workout and you don't feel completely satisfied when you are finished. always ALWAYS double knot your crap!

do you know what i hate? i hate it when i do embarrassing things with my nose or mouth. you know when you're sick and you have a runny nose, you constantly have to sniff up the goods every 5 seconds or so. but man, when you hear that funny comment or see that moron trip over, sometimes you accidently snort too hard and out comes a hanging foot of mucus, out for everyone to see. it's embarrassing for both sides, not just you right? but i also hate it when your mouth forgets to swallow that build up of saliva and you get so excited to say something that something undesired comes out first. sure it's a funny site to laugh at when you see others do it. but man, when the tables are turned, you're the one stuck with a wet sleeve and a stupid face. *slurp*

i'm getting kinda tired so i'll end with one more. do you know what i hate? i hate it when i'm peeing in a public bathroom and one of my immature friends walks in and pats me on the back while i'm trying to pee. the urine release ceases, you feel like you're about to explode, and your friend is standing there laughing his head off. you can't relax b/c the pain is so severe and discomforting. i'm sure you're laughing right now but it's no laughing manner when you're the victim. i'm so glad i'm not in high school anymore and that these things don't happen to me anymore. for you girls, just try to imagine someone shaking you while you're going pee. it hurts doesn't it?

Thought of the Day: The thought of sitting in lecture taking notes really SUCKS!
Song of the Day: WC-Bangin' Party

my blog is now officially two years old! i'm proud of myself for holding onto this blog for so long. these days, you see people starting and stopping over and over with so many blogs/xangas. converting to this. updating to that. oh the inconsistency of conforming. i applaud myself for staying true to myself and keeping a single journal for the past 731 days. it's really fun reading past entries from 1 and 2 years ago from the same day. really fun.

do you know what i love? i love taking really long dumps. don't you love it when you're in the bathroom for like 20 min. and the whole time, you're actually getting alot done on the toilet? i love the feeling when you're completely done. all that mess is out of your system and all of it came out solidly. a minimal number of broken pieces and a very clean wipe. as soon as you put your pants back on, you feel like you've lost 10 pounds. it's a very pleasureable feeling.

do you know what i love? i love it when i'm not exactly starving, but just hungry. the hunger where you feel it growing inside of you but it's nothing you feel you have to complain about. it's the kind of hunger that makes you tell your friends that you've just started to get hungry. i really like this kind of hungry b/c there is no shrinkage of the stomach and i personally believe that these are the times that one can eat the most. especially since the hunger is in the middle of growth, you can comfortably satisfy it...but for some reason, this kind of satisfaction is VERY pleasurable. i experienced this with Sergio's today. i wish i could use cuss words to express my feelings but we'll just leave it with "that was hella good!"

do you know what i love? i love the very moment when you walk out of the doors of your very last final for the quarter. the cage is finally open. the ball and chain are finally cut off. time to exit the airplane doors. you can finally kiss the sun and taste the freakin' rainbow! (you get the idea). the worries of grades and textbook answers disintegrate. time to burn the books and make plans for the break! i love that free feeling. i love the fact that i can experience it three times a year.

do you know what i love? i love the 5 seconds of relaxation that you have RIGHT before you fall asleep. you've had a long day (good or bad). there was not a single opportunity for you to rest your eyes until your final destination, your bed. when you crash, your body experiences that pleasure of rest that was lacking for the longest time. you brain recognizes the rare satisfaction and sends signals to your mouth to smile. you sigh and let your dreams take care of the rest. what a joy!

do you know what i love? i love it when i'm reading the Bible and i find THE PERFECT words to encourage and give me advice. when your life is in the pits and you read the words of God, there is just no better encouragement. the notion of grace is even more profound than your previous understanding of it. an incredible revelation and emotion is experienced. tears follow. then we pray thanks. God's word is good.

do you know what i love? i love it when i make my mom laugh. i believe that making our parents laugh is one of the most difficult obstacles that we face. often, they will not laugh when you're TRYING to make them laugh. however, it is ironically when we comment or respond in a natural and unintentional manner that we'll have a better chance at cracking a smile in their face. to hear your parents laugh is a rare, yet wonderful thing to experience. to be the cause of that laughter is an even greater experience.

do you know what i love? i love it when i find money on the ground... and i'm not talking about nickels or pennies. haha. but i think it's funny how finding a quarter can bring me so much more joy compared to finding a dime on the ground. when i was in 9th grade, i used to work at Wetzel's Pretzels and i would take the bus to and from work. one night as i was walking home, i saw a few bills rolled up on the ground. i just picked it up w/o checking to see how much, put it my pocket, and walked towards my garage area. there was someone far behind me but there was no one i could see who it might belong to. when i approached an area where there was no one around, i unrolled the bills and stared at my total. over $360. you know, people usually brag about how they found a dollar or even a 5 dollar bill on the ground! but bragging about finding over $360 just doesn't sound right, does it? i think this was the only time i didn't LOVE finding money on the ground.

do you know what i love? i love it when i shoot the basketball PERFECTLY and the ball goes in beautifully. SWISH! you know for certain that the ball is going to go in cause that release just felt too good. your form is perfect. your jump is perfect. your follow through is perfect. your result is perfect. i wish this would happen to me more often.

you're probably wondering why i wrote about these few things that i really love. yeah, i don't know either.

Thought of the Day: If I do not love, I am nothing.
Song of the Day: WC-Gangsta Nation

i had to wake up at 7 today b/c jordan's dad wanted me to be his translator for him in court. man, i was so pissed when they asked me to do it. two reasons...crappy korean and lack of sleep. i was THIS close to just flaking on them and turning my phone off. but when i found out that they got a misdemeanor for having an expired license (which actually came the next day), i felt really bad. they didn't understand anything the cop had told them and they didn't know how to present their case to the court either. i felt so bad for having such selfish and angry feelings towards them. i could only imagine how terrible it must be to be in THEIR shoes. the least i could've done was show up in court with them and merely translate to the best of my ability...and that i did. but dude, court is seriously not a fun place to be. just going through the whole court process takes SO long! they give you the crappiest times to go (8:15am) and there is a GRIP of people waiting with you. all you see is a flood of impatient mugs. really made me think twice about how i drive on the road out there.

lately, i've been realizing how i so do not have a heart for nonchristians. my desire to evangelize is so low and even with the few friends that do not believe in God, man i'm just so effortless. i don't put any energy into even hanging out with them. i feel like i'm the antithesis of justin when it comes to the friendships that i have. he surrounds himself with pagans while i surround myself with just cpc. it still hasn't hit me that God COMMANDS us to evangelize to the lost. Jesus always ate and spoke with unbelievers and Paul was always preaching to sinners. i really need to start making an effort this year. it was called the Great Commission, not Great Suggestion.

i only have a few days left til school starts again on friday. i've just been watching Propose with dykas and Hajime when i'm by myself. even though i appear to be just wasting my time, i'm really enjoying these last days of break. i find my days more relaxing than lazy. haha. man, i never realized HOW pretty kim hee sun was. i mean, yeah she's a big ball of makeup and surgery...but fudge, superficial can look SO pretty! =D yeah, it's nice staying home watching her.

Thought of the Day: Not Guilty.
Song of the Day: Simple Plan-Perfect

today was new year's so i went to my uncle's place for sehbeh. i really hate going to that place cause my aunts and uncles are really old and i can never pass their annual korean interrogation. but this year, i saw one of my nephews and nieces-nicholas and lauren...6 and 2 years old. lauren's really cute stuff and nicholas talks very comfortably to strangers for his age. it's weird seeing your nephews so big, all talking and crap, especially when the last time you saw them was when they were still crying about pee in their diapers. anyways, i was really saddened when i heard...

nicholas: i don't believe in God anymore.
me: oh why not?
nicholas: my parents believe in Budha. only grandma believes in God. i believed in God for 4 years and now i believe in Budha.
me: ...

at such a young age, they've already begun such a hopeless and sinful life w/o God. well, i shouldn't say "hopeless," but it's such a sad realization.

Thought of the Day: God is sovereign and gracious.
Song of the Day: Elvis Presley-A Little Less Conversation JXL Mix