my cousin from Korea called me last night. even though we hadn't communicated in over 3 years, those 5 min. on the phone felt like we had never departed.

me: are you calling with a phone card?
cousin: no, i'm calling from home.
me: really? isn't that going to be expensive?
cousin: yeah, it's going to be expensive.

after we hung up, a wave of Korea nostalgia swept over me. dude, i am so ready to get out of here!

whenever i imagine myself living in Korea, i can't picture a good time. i tend to focus on the language barriers and culture shock that i will experience for several months. i have fearful thoughts that my cousins will be my only friends for one whole year. i also wonder how i will grow spiritually in a country like the motherland. i have yet to hear of a reformed church in Korea that i can serve and attend. *sigh* how am i going to manage without In N' Out for so long? i can barely last one week. can anyone guess what my last meal will be before i board the plane?

if i don't invite you to my graduation, don't take it personally. i only have 5 tickets for my ceremony.

Thought of the Day: Could it be, if you could be mine, we'd both shine.
Song of the Day: Nas & Ludacris-Virgo

i am having a very good day so far.

i had jury duty at 7:45am in Santa Ana. instead of staying til a potential 5:00pm and possibly coming in for subsequent days, i finished my duty by 11:00am. i was seriously so anxious and lost while i was in that courthouse that i had to use the bathroom every hour. i didn't know what to do, what to expect, or where to go. after my trial ended, i asked a guy on the way out what we were supposed to do now. he told me we were supposed to go back to the jury assembly room and wait for another assignment. after sitting there for 5 min., i JUST wanted to make sure so i went up to the counter. the lady validated my parking ticket and gave me my proof of completion. i was the first 10% to finish first. that stupid guy in the lobby almost caused me to waste a whole day in a juror's room. good thing i'm paranoid. praise God.

i had enough time to celebrate with some In N' Out for lunch with Kenny. after lunch, i found a very good parking spot on campus as soon as i entered the parking lot. after class, i stopped by the Counselors' office and got my "One Time Exception" petition signed by the dean. since i am doing very well in my hip hop class, i pushed to change my grade option to letter grade instead of Pass/No Pass. later tonight, i will be concluding this fortuitous day with a 11:59pm viewing of "X3". what a wonderful day! praise God.

Thought of the Day: N-word.
Song of the Day: Nas-A Message To The Feds, Sincerely, We The People

i am absolutely dreading school these days. i have 2 1/2 weeks of class left, and i will be officially done with my undergraduate career. these last few weeks have been going by like months. i find myself fidgeting a lot in class and looking at my watch every ten minutes. it is truly a wonder that i am not behind with my reading and assignments. but make no mistake that these papers and homework assignments are poorly prepared. having my last final on a friday doesn't help either. are there any other UC students feeling me?

burned out. are there any better words to describe me? i see it in other areas of my life as well. for example, my cluster boys are absolutely dead. i can feel their reluctance and apathy with a passion. don't even trip about it though-we're all on the same boat, right? another example is my student, Sean. homeboy cannot stand reading for the last 10 minutes of tutoring. this guy is like absolutely dying of sleepiness when reading but AS SOON AS we are done tutoring, he is back to his vigorous self. Sean is a testimony to me that it is all in the mind. you cannot always blame your shortcomings on the externals around you. most of the time, it is your perspective and attitude towards things. as the sagacious Sean Lee loved to say: "you just have to change your perspective" or something like that.

(switching gears).

today, this Korean girl from KCCC approached me to share the Gospel using the Four Spiritual Laws. instead of waving her away or telling her i was already a christian, i decided to be a little devil and play advocate. so we sat down, she literally read the entire booklet to me, and asked me if i wanted to accept Jesus. i asked her how she knew this was all true. she told me Bible. i asked how she knew the Bible was true. she didn't know. i asked her according to Law 1, if God loves me, why does He still send me to Hell? would He still love me while I was in hell? she didn't know and apologized, informing me that she just come from Korea 3 months ago to do mission training. i revealed i was a christian. she flipped.

there are too many unprepared christians out there. it is not enough to be passionate and courageous. where is your defense? it's kind of like seeing a quarterback run onto the field without the defense line. he can have the most passion and best offensive plays in the world, but if he has no defense, homeboy's gonna get hurt out there. if we're going to be witnesses of Christ, let us learn to be EFFECTIVE witnesses whom God has called us to be.

2 Corinthians 10:5-We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

i encouraged the girl to continue being bold but also to practice and always be prepared to answer questions that non-christians can ask at any moment. i hope that God uses this "traumatic" experience to give her a desire to study apologetics. afterall, that is essentially how i got started (9th grade trauma from a machine-gun interrogation by a non-christian friend in front of many other unbelievers). i am still grateful to this day for my all-star mentor, Chang, who introduced me to apologetics, reformed theology, and more specifically, Richard Pratt's "Every Thought Captive." this is the book that i am going over with Joecal for accountability. we only have two more chapters left. i'd encourage every believer to read this book soon. God made it a life-changing experience for me.

i have stupid jury duty on thursday. any suggestions?

Thought of the Day: Grade change.
Song of the Day: Dead Prez-Hip Hop

i've learned that much of hip hop is very political. i read lots of books and essays on hip hop as black protest. it's crazy interesting the first time you read about the deeper aspects of rap. but after you read about it a second time, and then a third time, and then a 100th time, you get a little tired of reading about Black people and their problems. this one book i'm reading though, Stand and Deliver, is very critical of the current hip hop generation but also analyzes past political figures like Jesse Jackson Jr. and the Black Panthers. there have been several black agendas and great rhetoric. there was even some activism like million man marches and protests in front of Washington. unfortunately, the aftermath was little or no change in public policy. BUT WHY?! if i've done my reading correctly, i think the solution to effective activism is a unified VISION.

the same should be with the Church. if we want to be a unified church, every member, committee, ministry, and leader needs to share in the same vision. and how do we obtain this same vision? the Gospel much be preached and emphasized in every aspect of church. every song, sermon, bible study, prayer meeting, and activity must be driven by the Gospel. the moment we stray from a Christ-centered purpose, division in vision is the consequence. division in vision results in division in ministry. CPC must have the same vision as Newsong. Newsong must have the same vision as Grace Community Church. Grace Community Church must have the same vision as City Light Church. The Visible Church must seek to glorify and shine Christ in this dark and sinful world.

Matthew 20:14-And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

Revelation 7:14-"Sir, you know."

And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 15Therefore,
"they are before the throne of God
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them.
16Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat upon them,
nor any scorching heat.
17For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
he will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

let's stop WORRYING about being biblical and start BEING biblical.

Black people throughout history have had a plethora of enthusiastic leaders that wanted to solve many of the same social, cultural, and economic problems. the problem: they all had their own vision. at the same time, many of today's "politically conscious" rappers merely express social problems and spread awareness without actually doing anything to fix those problems. disciples of Christ, do not merely be a "hip hop artist" who can articulate the Gospel or the Church's problems. BE AN ACTIVIST!

Thought of the Day: Ether.
Song of the Day: Nas-N.Y. State Of Mind

i laugh every time.




Thought of the Day: Aberration.
Song of the Day: Oasis-Don't Look Back In Anger

Thought of the Day: "Woah!"
Song of the Day: Wu-Tang Clan-Wu Tang Clan Ain't Nuthing Ta F' Wit

Check This Video Out!


Thought of the Day: Commodity.
Song of the Day: I Heard The Voice Of Jesus Say

i've been going through a harsh dry spell. little or no joy in serving the church. reading Jeremiah for devotionals seems monotonous and irrelevant. purity in thought and deed has been lacking. what can i say? i had forgotten the joys and blessings of the Gospel...until today. i recently noticed that i do not listen to ANY "christian" music besides my "Hymns Mix." well, as i was driving home after tutoring Juho for two hours, my ears paid special attention to Sandra McCracken's "Who Is This, So Weak and Helpless?":

1. Who is this, so weak and helpless,

Child of lowly Hebrew maid,

Rudely in a stable sheltered,

Coldly in a manger laid?

�Tis the Lord of all creation,

Who this wondrous path has trod;

He is God from everlasting,

And to everlasting God.

2. Who is this, a Man of Sorrows,

Walking sadly life�s hard way,

Homeless, weary, sighing, weeping

Over sin and Satan�s sway?

�Tis our God, our glorious Savior,

Who above the starry sky

Is for us a place preparing,

Where no tear can dim the eye.

3. Who is this? Behold him shedding

Drops of blood upon the ground!

Who is this, despised, rejected,

Mocked, insulted, beaten, bound?

�Tis our God, Who gifts and graces

On His church is pouring down;

Who shall smite in holy vengeance

All His foes beneath His throne.

4. Who is this that hangs there dying

While the rude world scoffs and scorns,

Numbered with the malefactors,

Torn with nails, and crowned with thorns?

�Tis our God Who lives forever

�Mid the shining ones on high,

In the glorious golden city,

Reigning everlastingly.

what a beautiful song. i was reminded that our lives are full of suffering and unhappiness and harsh dry spells. but just like Christ, one day, we too, will rise in glory with our sovereign King who will reign eternally. i can only have this peace because the Lord has revealed His gospel to me.

we were talking about peace in Perspectives today. today was actually our last official day of class. i was really glad that i came out today because our speaker was really encouraging. this random Muslim woman came into speak on behalf her husband who was sick. it was so crazy because she dressed up (almost exactly like the picture) completely covered from head to toe except for her hands and eyes. she had a thick middle-eastern accent and constantly rotated these beads she was holding that were supposed to represent the 99 names of Allah. she apologized about the whole 9/11 incident, briefly explained Jihad, and talked about Christians in America like a real foreigner. she continually apologized for her husband's absence, so much to the point that you pitied her for acting excessively humble. after doing this for a good 15 minutes, she unveiled herself only to reveal a regular white woman in her 30's with a perfect American accent. the class went nuts. i thought it was a great learning experience because it revealed how you would've really reacted to a Muslim that was open to learning about Christianity. i was so ashamed of my hesitancy.

anyways, the speaker pointed out that a great witness for Muslims is the inexplicable peace that they notice in Christians. this is because Muslims live in fear and uncertainty of making into Paradise while Christians have assurance of their salvation. i must confess that sometimes when i meet devout Muslims, i stumble over my own faith because i am so fascinated with their pious lifestyle-they are crazy devoted to Allah. fortunately, i was really encouraged today by the many stories of Muslims who came to know Christ. i mean, you'll hear about the most knowledgeable Muslims who have memorized the whole Koran at a young age but end up following Christ after speaking with "unintelligible" christians. what a wonderful testimony of God's grace, power, and TRUTH!

as encouraging as the class was, i must admit that i am exuberant that Perspectives is finally over! i would encourage every follower of Christ to take it. it really is life-changing.

Thought of the Day: Intercessor.
Song of the Day: Who Is This, So Weak and Helpless?

it looks like i won't be studying in Korea after all. don't worry, i'm still planning on going to the motherland. i'm just going to have to resort to working (probably teaching English) and learn my Korean and culture through my experiences. my cousin and i started emailing each other cause he's helping me look for work and opportunities. it's pretty weird actually. he's approximately 10 years older than me. i've never really TALKED to him before and here i am, giving him my background, personal statement, and resume. it's exciting and scary at the same time. the light at the end of the tunnel is slowly growing.

i feel overwhelmed these days. it feels really similar to around the same time last year when i had to look for housing for my family, study for finals, and figure out how to juggle 5 students with the upcoming Christian Academy. these days, i'm writing my mission support letters, reading hundreds of pages every week, tutoring 4 days a week, figuring out Korea, and repressing pessimistic thoughts of preparing for the CSET and GRE. i really look forward to finishing Perspectives too. as Edu always reminds me: "you have no time for life." well, at least the Wu-Tang Clan helps me to escape for a few minutes everyday. man, thank goodness for the Wu-Tang Clan!

i'm sure you're busy too. maybe my life is paradise compared to yours. maybe not. but would you be reminded of Christ just as i was reminded from Jongmin's encouraging email. "He is not here for He is risen." our lives are full of much. i hope your full life would be full of God and not full of self.

Thought of the Day: No rice.
Song of the Day: Doug E. Fresh & Slick Rick-Lodi Dodi

look how happy Jungabung looks! how's that for a fun picture?

Thought of the Day: Theology of Evolution.
Song of the Day: A Tribe Called Quest-Mr. Incognito

she did it again. Audrey Hepburn is absolutely "darling."

Thought of the Day: Simpsons' Eutopia
Song of the Day: Wu-Tang Clan-Protect Ya Neck (The Jump Off)

"I'm hooked on gin and tonic like yo mama's hooked on phonics!"
-The Alkaholics

i am absolutely obsessed with hip hop these days. i cannot listen to any kind of music without rhymes and beats. my car has a 6-cd changer in the trunk. of the six different cds in the player, i'm only playing one cd-Hiphop Mix. i remember i used to wonder how black people could only listen to rap all the time. lately, i've been able to fully understand that wonder.

i bought my third radiator on monday. i also had to replace serpentine belts, timer belt, water pump, and thermostat. $982. that's with a discount too.

itunes really slows my computer down even after reformatting. getting an ipod was such a curse in a blessing.

my days are full of ups and downs. but at the end of every day, i always thank the Lord right before i fall asleep. Ecclesiastes 7:13-14-"consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other."

Using Google Image Search, choose a picture in the first 20 results for

Your first name

Your middle name

Your last name

How old will you be on your next birthday?

What is your favorite color?

What's the name of your lover/crush/significant other?

Where did you lose your virginity?

What is your favorite fruit?

What's a bad habit of yours?

Thought of the Day: New York (Ya Out There)
Song of the Day: Wu-Tang Clan-Part 2

i came into class all sweaty because the Multipurpose Science & Technology Building (MSTB) is the farthest building away from human contact; and if you know me, i sweat so much that i can make pigs frown. so what better place to sit than in the second row where i can conspicuously display my glory for the majority to see?
sidenote: i know that i am in a class full of nerds. you can smell it as soon as you walk into the classroom.
first day of class...

professor: so what do you guys want to do today? lecture today or start on wednesday?
(silence).
(silence).
(silence).
(silence).
student: wednesday sounds good.
(silence).
(silence).
*class erupts in laughter*
professor: ok, see you guys on wednesday.

Thought of the Day: Happy Birthday, Lillian.
Song of the Day: Rockapella-One Fine Day

i have been tutoring for five years now. in those five years, i have worked with several different kinds of students. koreans, indians, japanese, whites, filipinos, and mexicans. but more than just seeing various skin colors, i see different backgrounds. handicapped, divorced parents, big houses, racists, etc. in these five years, the Lord has shown me the realities of several families out there. unfortunately, more often than not, i have seen some pretty sad things. when you really get to know people, like REALLY get to know them, you realize that people have lots of secret problems. people are hurting because their families are hurting. families are hurting because there is a lack of submission between the family members. spiritual leadership is replaced by sinful needs and wants. there is only a "LAW mentality" with no "GOSPEL attitude." lots of judgement but no grace. let us learn to love the Lord so that we can learn to love our families (Eph 5:22-6:4).

i felt very loved by friends and family on my birthday. i am grateful for amigos buenos, the ipod AND ipod case, and my mother who went through 28 hours of labor so that she could show 22 years (and still going) of agape love. the Lord is the giver of such things. praise be to God.

doedoechachacha (8:41:14 PM): read for your last quarter of school!?
Pretzelboi96 (8:41:32 PM): yeap
Pretzelboi96 (8:41:44 PM): i'm just looking forward to Hiphop Culture
doedoechachacha (8:43:31 PM): hahhahaa i don't think you're gangsta enough for that class
Pretzelboi96 (8:44:50 PM): which is exactly why i'm taking it!

Thought of the Day: Exaltation. Exhortation. Evangelism.
Song of the Day: Muse-Hysteria

i started listening to Muse recently. i'm finally starting to understand why Edu always raved about them. they are indeed a very good group.

in approximately 12 hours, i will officially complete my final, college winter quarter. i had two finals yesterday, and i just finished my 1 hour and 15 min. cramming for tomorrow's test. latino psych. is cake. i think i'll go to john's apt. now and watch Dead Presidents if Chinese Sam doesn't mind (that complaining/stressed out bastard).

in other news, Duke lost to LSU and my brother fell terribly ill (prior to the game). i am certain that he is feeling even worse after today's victory, or in his case, today's LOSS! spring break is already starting to smell good.

blogging at school is weird.

i really shouldn't have had any coffee.

Thought of the Day: Monster.
Song of the Day: Muse-Endlessly

Apple's 60-gig iPod 'at risk'

when i hear about crap like this, it reminds me that we live in a ridiculous consumer society. my desire for this toy is almost dead now. even if i saved up enough money to buy the NEW ipod, there's just going to be an even better one that comes out...and an even better one than that one a few months later...and an even better one...

especially with my lifestyle, i'd barely even use an ipod. freak. i HATE Apple.

Thought of the Day: San Francisco Dreamin'
Song of the Day: M-flo & Bennie K-Happy Drive Taste Your Stuff

this youtube stuff is getting pretty popular.



happy 17, sheemones.

Thought of the Day: 4080.
Song of the Day: Seo Taiji & Boys-Nan Ahrayo

i just woke up from a "gawi" or episode of sleep paralysis about an hour ago. i usually experience this about once every few weeks. no crazy hallucinations or anything; just an uncomfortable inability to move 95% of my body. today's was a bit different though. i was sleeping on my chair with my head tilted back. i don't know if this was all real but i "experienced" my right arm being able to move. because i wanted to wake myself up from this spell, i used my right arm to pull my left arm forward so that my torso might move and awaken the rest of my body. i think i succeeded in pushing my upper body forward but it lay paralyzed at 45 degees. my head was still tilted back with my mouth open (my mouth is always open whenever i fall asleep on my chair). now, if this was all real from the getgo, and if someone like my mom or my brother had walked in the room to see my performance, there'd either be much laughing or screaming. too bad nobody was home...but thank goodness i woke up.

i've been taking a Perspectives course for two months now. Perspectives is a 17 week class on missions/evangelism that is offered nationwide annually. i attend the Whittier Class every Thursday night with a few others. i must say that my knowledge and awareness of missions (or lack of) has grown so much lately. it's refreshing to meet with Christians who are not Korean or Presbyterian or even reformed! it's a great reminder that there are all kinds of people that God uses to do His work. well, every week i have a different speaker to listen to and a new chapter to read for homework. i started sharing some encouraging quotes or stories with our Artesia Outreach preparations. but of all the things that i've read or heard about, i am particularly excited to share about the words of David Livingstone:

�For my own part, I have never ceased to rejoice that God has appointed me to such an office. People talk of the sacrifice I have made in spending so much of my life in Africa. Can that be called a sacrifice which is simply paid back as a small part of a great debt owing to our God, which we can never repay? Is that a sacrifice which brings its own blest reward in healthful activity, the consciousness of doing good, peace of mind, and a bright hope of a glorious destiny hereafter? Away with the word in such a view, and which such a thought! It is emphatically no sacrifice. Say rather it is a privilege. Anxiety, sickness, suffering, or danger, now and then, with a foregoing of the common conveniences and charities of this life, may make us pause, and cause the spirit to waver, and the soul to sink, but let this only be for a moment. All these are nothing when compared with the glory which shall hereafter be revealed in and for us. I never made a sacrifice.�

missionaries, pastors, teachers, and every other servant out there-be encouraged just as i am encouraged.

i am now back to tutoring three students.

i am going on the Arizona mission trip this summer.

i am going to take the CSET and GRE in July and August.

Praise the Lord.

if you search for things on Google, use the Google toolbar on my blog. i think i get paid every time people click on the ads too.

Thought of the Day: Pulchritude.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-What If I Do

i have 5 hours to write a 10 page paper. well, at least that WAS my goal.





this morning, i got a chance to meet up with Eminem at his house with a bunch of young children. his house wasn't anything extravagant like the houses on MTV Cribs. in fact, the paint was coming off everywhere and it looked like he had been there all his life. anyways, i'm not much of an Eminem fan but i was really excited to see him in person. we went into his room and i looked at some cds he had lying around his dresser.

me: WU-TANG CLAN?! I love Wu-Tang Clan!
Eminem: RZA, man.
me: THE RIZZA!

then he started giving away cds that he had done with Wu-Tang to those dumb kids.

before all of this, i dreamt that EM was having some crazy performance night where the college group got into 4 groups to dance and sing in front of a packed audience inside the sanctuary. the funny thing was that 3 of the groups had all decided to do their own rendition of the Sound of Music's "So Long, Farewell". after the first two groups had gone, the crowds were going crazy. but what really set off the night was when dinko's group (consisting of dinko and all of his high school friends-david, phillip, steve, etc.) did this rock concert version of Crazy Little Thing Called Love. my group, the last ones to go, had no hope. two of the groups had already done our same song and stupid dinko had outperformed all. when we got up there (Terrance and Ken were in my group), we had forgotten all of our moves and i ended up repeating the same moves from Youth Group's Cafe Nite. the audience was unimpressed and disappointed-absolutely no cheering. afterwards, dinko and his friends wanted to celebrate so we all went to some house party. they had run out of something and dinko really wanted me to go to Costco with him. i was already annoyed by him b/c he had done so well with the concert. man, he's never bugged me for so long just to go to stupid Costco.

finally, weyman, two other guys, and i ended up in a Saw-like environment full of dangerous puzzles. the two other guys got separated from us and weyman and i had to play this crazy version of Super Mario World to get past this certain stage. the frustrating thing was that after we had to gone so far and got to a particular stage, the game would start all over! this happened twice. still frustrated, the dream transformed once again, and i was back to dinko bugging me to take him and his friends to Costco.

i've never remembered a dream this long with so many details. i hate dinko.

my brother got his license two days ago. andrew kim gave me his burner yesterday. maybe today, a black 60gb ipod will fall from the sky and into my hands. nope, all i see is a lot of rain.

i now have less than 4 hours to write my paper.

Thought of the Day: Complete.
Song of the Day: The Mamas And The Papas-California Dreamin'

weird ( P ) Pronunciation Key (w�rd)adj. weird�er, weird�est
Of, relating to, or suggestive of the preternatural or supernatural.
Of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange.

the weirdest thing happened to me. i was driving home on a very rainy day. as i made a turn onto Alondra from Carmenita, i saw a RED FLASH! impossible. there's no reason for those cameras to go off. i made a turn on a green for sure. if that red flash wasn't a camera, then i don't know what it was. how'm i going to explain this to the judge?

the weirdest thing happened to me. i was sitting in lecture, taking my notes...then BAM! in runs Peter the Anteater (our mascot) with a big sign that says "BEAT THE BEACH!" (Long Beach, that is). he ran across the front of the lecture hall and right before he left out the door, he turned to all of us and gave us a JJOT, and ran out the door. the professor was utterly confused. that was pretty funny.

the weirdest thing happened to me. my professor said that in all of the years that she had taught the course, our class had the lowest midterm scores ever. she went on and on about how so many of us did poorly on this and that. with that said, she wanted to announce the top two scores in the class and congratulate them in front of everyone. "Philip...and Dane." i've never felt so many eyeballs glaring at me. that's right...the dumb Asian kid got a higher score than all of the Latinos in the Latino Families class. i felt more embarrassed than anything. even Julie Horner asked me how i had studied for the midterm. pitter patter flitter flatter.

the weirdest thing happened to me. while we were bowling in Riverside, a stranger called out my name so i turned around. "oh ****! it is you!" i couldn't put a name on the face so i just kept staring with my open mouth searching for words. "Allan." !!! taller, contacts, AZN, and S-words. college can transform a high school student for the better...or worse.

the weirdest thing happened to me. as i was driving home last night, i ended up talking on the phone with justin. i left a little after midnight so i was expecting to get home before 1. at 12:37, i realized that i was driving uphill in complete darkness with only trucks on the road. gas light has been on for a while now. what the heck is a Victorville? now leaving San Bernardino?! i had driven pretty far in a very very wrong direction. i got home around 2.

the weirdest thing happened to me. i had purchased an Interview With A Vampire dvd back in early January. several weeks later, i wrote to the seller that i had not received the item. several more weeks later, i wrote again. after even more weeks, i made a file claim through half.com. this morning, i got an email stating...

"I'm so SORRY. I left my husband under the worst of sercomstances. I haven't been online. My life basiclly fell apart. My daughter and I moved in with my mother and I'm just now starting to put my head back together. My ex called me and said your order had been returned. I'm going to pick up my mail today and will double check the address. This isn't like me. I'm not a scaterbrained person, normally. I found out he'd not only cheated for 75% of the time we where together but also has 2 other childern! I'm sorry....I really shouldn't be telling you all of this. I just wanted you to know this wasn't intentional."

geez.

and yet, God is in control over all.

no more weird things please.

Thought of the Day: Driver's test.
Song of the Day: Jason Mraz-I'm Yours

"I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it."
-Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes

i never knew youth group would ever become my life. i was only supposed to "help out" by leading a bible study on Sundays. YG Friday nights were supposed to be rare for special events or testimonies. now, i will be missing my Sunday small groups (completely) so that i can attend YG worship services. i am officially a committed YG teacher. i realized that you cannot EFFECTIVELY serve in a ministry without full commitment. i have sacrificed something precious and have gained something new. i knew never knew this would happen. only God knew...and apparently, so did Terrance.

Speak to me
Tell me all the things I need to know
I want to hear you now
Can you speak to me
I've opened up your word to free me
I want to hear you now

Thought of the Day: Lost.
Song of the Day: Audio Adrenaline-Speak To Me

on wednesday, i started tutoring my new student, kyle. on friday, i gave my stupid mp3 player to the isoldit on Ebay! store. on saturday, my mom found my $50 Shell gascard at the bottom of my laundry basket. i am now ashamed to admit that i want an ipod. *bitter weeping* commodities are so stupid and those advertisements are so good at helping us forget that. i kinda promised myself that i wouldn't buy anymore toys until i earned $500 to pay back for previous expenses. 500 bucks is going to take a long time. "Cash rules everything around me. C.R.E.A.M! Get the money-dolla dolla bill y'all!"

right now, i am listening to DJ Quiksilver's "Planet Love." this is one of the first rave songs that i ever heard in my life. for some reason, a lot of rave music sounds and makes you feel this abnormal sadness. whenever i hear this song, i recall the first party i ever went to and the several events that came with it. man, what a low point in my life. although i have many regrets about that party, i can't escape the fact that God used that experience to make me a "better person." chain reaction after chain reaction. friends after friends. lessons after lessons. i didn't know it then, but i see the bigger picture now. right now, i feel so lost. i am totally uncertain of my future. i wish i could hurry and see the bigger picture right now.

Thought of the Day: Life is like a box of chocolates.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-Everlong

in my Chicano class, i sit right behind Julie Horner. when i told her i couldn't go to the study session, she told me she'd type out her notes and email them to me. today when i told her about the personal statement i had to write, she told me she'd send me a copy of the guidelines that she used when she had to write hers. absolutely kind. i never even asked her to do these things for me. she always offered. Julie is also always on top of things. she finishes ALL of the reading in advance and is the first one in our group to send out her notes. i can't help but wonder if she's a Christian. whether or not she is, Julie is a great example of how Christians can be a great witness through their studies and acts of kindness. i am her "secret admirer."

from time to time, i have to use the downstairs bathroom at Commons. on the way to the bathroom, there's a glass window where you can see where several Muslims hang out. more often than not, you'll catch them all sitting in a row, praying and bowing their heads to the ground. a wave of emotions rush over me whenever i see this event. anger. pity. amazement. sadness. they are truly passionate in worshiping a false god.

i had one of those running-around-talking-to-your-counselors-and-professors days today. they are very stressful. i had to wait a whole HOUR before i got to speak with Dr. C. but within that hour, i got a chance to speak with Andrew, one of the Social Science faculty members or something. i was telling him about how i wanted to go into teaching and even shared about my involvement with Artesia Outreach. through subtle messages, i figured out that he was a christian too! but after that hour, i spoke with Dr. C. and she was more than happy to write me a letter of recommendation! in fact, she called me an "excellent student!" that's three exclamation points in a row! now that's four!
after speaking with the MAT (MASTER OF ARTS IN TEACHING) program director, she encouraged me that it looked like i was on the "right track", and that i was somewhat in luck because there is a great need for male math teachers. i just need to show some transcripts, speak with a few more counselors, and my master plan for spring and summer will be on its way.

between all of these jumbles, i skipped one of my classes because i was severely late and did not have a chance to bite my lunch. as i was eating my sandwich, i had unexpected, nostalgic childhood memories of Polly Ann's Ice Cream next to the Korean market in San Francisco. Jiwon's mom always took us there to buy Now & Laters, Pop Rocks, Sour Candy, and chocolate ice cream. it's amazing how candy was such a commodity when we were young. one used to be able to barter with that stuff! what a waste of money and teeth.

clusters went to BCD for our romantic Valentine's dinner. Chinese people don't eat Korean food correctly. it's kinda like when my cousins in Korea put ketchup on their pizza. you're just not supposed to do that, man!

shortly after getting back, the irvine FRESHMEN girls surprised us with chocolate strawberries! oh my! can you they get any sweeter? i mean, those chocolate strawberries were quite the delectables! and yeah, those irvine girls were pretty kind too.

Thought of the Day: Walker, Texas Ranger.
Song of the Day: Toploader-Dancing in the Moonlight

"Human reason, being impaired by sin, is not to serve as a separate norm as over against Scripture, but rather as the servant of divine revelation in the application of biblical truth."
-John Jefferson Davis

i'm having one of those grad school/future career crises right now-so help me God.

Thought of the Day: Nil.
Song of the Day: Page-O Holy Night

yesterday was a really bad day.

i basically wasted so many emotions and hours on looking for my $50 Shell gascard that i received for my credit card points. i got it in the mail on Thursday and probably threw it away with the envelope on Friday night. that's the worst part. "PROBABLY." i don't even know if i actually threw it away or if i just misplaced it somewhere in my stupid room. i emptied my wallet, checked my trash can twice, and looked in every other ridiculous area around my desk. *sigh* so i went to the dumpster outside and asked my brother to take a brief look. he barely even tried, but i just told him to get out. "the garbage truck probably already took the trash." a few hours later, i went into the dumpster this time and did my dirty work. 30 minutes later, i found my Target bag that i used for the trash that day! the only thing was that the bag was open when i found it. when i threw it away on that cursed Friday, i had tied the bag closed. no envelope to be found anywhere.

Stockholm Syndrome was such an appropriate song.

i found driving to be very therapeutic. you can drive away from your troubles (literally) and take some time to calm down. your breathing regulates and your muscles eventually loosen up. i was truly a wreck last night. can you say Job 1:29?

if you've been praying for me lately, let me just inform you that God has answered our prayers today. tutoring is no longer dormant-i'm back! and when i'm making money, that means i'm buying more cds and dvds. no, i'm only half-kidding. after i receive my Audio Adrenaline cd, the cds are complete. thank you, God, my provider.

Thought of the Day: Nocturnal Emission.
Song of the Day: 1TYM-Dangerous

late tuesday nights always seem to be a good time to blog.





for my Latino Families class, i had to watch Real Women Have Curves with some classmates to discuss and prepare for our paper. it was really interesting hanging out with non-Koreans (non-Asians for that matter) for a change. pretty refreshing in fact. the more i interact with non-Asians/Koreans, the more i realize how close-minded and ignorant i am. sure i call myself a Korean-American, but i totally do not hang out with other ethnic groups. i really like white people. i like their "really American" accents, their sophisicated sense of humor, and their clarity of speech and thought. although i am fluent in English, i really feel like my diction sucks. Koreans all talk the same. i feel like we speak a very shallow, stupid version of English. i can't give any specific examples but you all understand what i mean, right?

ANYWAYS, the movie ended and as we were walking back to my car, there was this brief discussion about how everyone has their biases on people of different majors. arts and drama majors are weird and crazy...stuff like that. well, we, being psychology majors, had a good rant about how everyone assumes that we're always analyzing people and reading their minds. people have this covert cynicism and fear whenever they find out we study psychology. haha. i don't know. it was really funny cause it's so true! but what made this event so enjoyable for me was the fact that a Latino, a White, and a Korean guy were all sharing this special bond despite their very different backgrounds. phenotype nor culture was an issue. we simply accepted and shared that psychology student relationship. how much more beautiful will it be when Christ comes back and EVERY ethnic group shares in the same purpose and fellowship as we all worship our glorious God. "We�re colored people, and we live in a tainted place. We�re colored people, and they call us the human race. We�ve got a history so full of mistakes. And we are colored people who depend on a holy grace."-dc Talk
p.s.-when the white classmate came into my car, i turned down my rap music. haha.

over winter break, i was very uncertain about my plans on studying in Korea after graduating. i had fearful thoughts of change and transition and discomfort and regret. my decision to go was at about 50/50 during winter retreat. i asked many people to pray that God would make His will for me much clearer...sooner. this past saturday, i had a good talk with some who have already gone to Korea and even plan on going for the first time this summer. i was very encouraged with the responses. that same excitement i had last year when i first made my decision has come back to life. there are even some nights when i can't fall asleep just thinking about the future that lies ahead of me. one desire has disappeared and a dead one has resurrected. so much happened in January 2006.

my brother talks in his sleep every night.
it scares me every night.

Thought of the Day: Familismo.
Song of the Day: EPMD-Da Joint

yesterday was a really good day.

i started with a dream about willy cheung who had turned really bad and started hooking up high school and college students with copied textbooks for a cheap price. i also had a cigarette with him. i smoke cigarettes, do drugs, and drive stick in several of my dreams. go fig.

Latino Families is my favorite class this quarter. i learn so much about Latino culture in a very entertaining way. my professor made me laugh twice today. i never laugh in class. my class started 7 minutes late. my class ended 20 minutes early. nice.

as i was discussing my oil change today, i convinced the Jiffy Lube guy to give me a $10 discount cause "i'd really appreciate it." i am embarrassingly the worst bargainer on the face of this planet. i almost felt bad for him when he agreed to help me out. "i really appreciate it," i said. but more than saving myself a Hamilton (IT'S ALL ABOUT THE HAMILTONS BABY!), i really appreciated the speedy work on the oil change and car wash.
[side dish: as i looked up my reading assignment on my Sports Psych syllabus, my shocked eyes fell upon Reading Assignment: None. that means i'm done with my reading for the week! that's nice #2.]

today, i was reminded of how much i love my cluster boys. sure they don't always answer my discussion questions or meet every week with their accountability partners...but they do make me laugh. meeting up with john/p. david, eating Bucca and drinking Cha's with the rest, and watching Sliding Doors with the "tee-hee's" was just what the doctor prescribed.

i had a really nice drive back home too. there's nothing better than driving in your car-washed vehicle with a new air freshener and Michael Jackson hits on a bare 5 freeway night. Michael Jackson songs make you feel really cool. you have this super-natural confidence that you can sing and dance well whenever you listen to his music. i love it. it was so appropriate for tonight's drive.

to conclude a marvelous January 24th, my family waited for me to come home before they went to bed. my mom randomly walked into my room in her funny looking pajamas to ask me how to print out spreadsheets with the gridlines. even she realized how ridiculous the situation was. we both had a good laugh. just about everyday, i also experience a secret happiness whenever i receive a package with a cd/dvd in it. it's like having Santa Clause deliver you gifts on a daily basis. today, i got my Gone in 60 Seconds Director's Cut dvd, Stone Temple Pilots Thank You, The Offspring Greatest Hits, and Bad Boys of Rap Volume 2 cd.
[dessert: even i find it hysterical that i enjoy rap so much. in fact, you'd be surprised how many rap cds i actually bought. but yeah, Bad Boys of Rap Volume 2 is really really good. most of the songs are about having sex or killing people. this is NOT the reason why i like rap. rather, i like rap because of the creativity of the lyrics and the attitude behind the music. unfortunately, today's artists have definitely lost the true flavor of original rhymes and beauty in the ghetto. as Gang Starr once said: "Hip hop is not, what it is today." i couldn't have said it better myself.]

so it's official. i've fallen in love with a new girl. her name is Paltrow. Gwyneth Paltrow.

Thought of the Day: $400/month.
Song of the Day: Michael Jackson-Billie Jean

since i don't feel like studying, i'm going to blog.




when dinko told me that he really needed to stop buying dvds, i can really empathize these days. last night, i calculated how much i've spent (so far) on cds and dvds. cds = $362.08 and dvds = $98.03. if i calculate this correctly, my credit card bill for the month of january is going to exceed a G. that's not good. and since we're on the topic of misfortune, might as well share a little more. i got fired from my tutoring job earlier today:

lady: you're supposed to come in today right?
me: yes.
lady: well, eugenia told me she's been wanting a girl tutor so what are we going to do?
me: oh that's alrite.
lady: ok, well you can pick up your pay today.

i have mixed feelings on this one. i really really did not enjoy tutoring that girl or meeting that mom woman. high demands. really high demands. at the same time, a job's a job and i lost it. anybody want to help pay for my credit card bill?

Matthew 26:56-...then all the disciples deserted him and fled.

if there was one man who really felt betrayal and abandonment, it was our Lord Jesus Christ. if you want to see loneliness and embarrassment and shame to the max., just look at Jesus who hung on the cross. how many times have i deserted and fled from Him? how many of my sins has the Lord forgiven? i have lost count from the beginning...and so has He. the Lord has reminded us of this Gospel a thousand times. would He remind us once more.

Thought of the Day: Hard-boiled egg.
Song of the Day: Crystal Lewis-Seasons Change

westminster conference was SO good! it was like a retreat for me that i desperately needed. "no sermon is better than the TEXT."
-Dr. Hywel Jones

amen, Dr. Jones!

Thought of the Day: Orange County?
Song of the Day: Green Day-Brain Stew

this quarter, i'm taking Sport Psychology, Chicano/Latino Psychology, and Mind/Body Problem got replaced with Chicano/Latino Families. that Mind/Body class was just too crazy. too much reading, students leading discussions, crazy difficult concepts with .001% of finding a solution. i even went out of my to ask...

me: so what if we do find the solution? what would that mean for us?
professor: right, so what's the point of the class...blah blah blah...it means we would learn more about ourselves and who we are...blah blah blah...it's a very intimiate issue.
me: ...

i bet the solution to the Mind/Body question is God.

it wasn't too hard for me to drop that class cause i seriously felt like i wasn't going to get anything out of it. so what if the hottest girl in class was sitting right next to me? this crap is hard and futile! (man, she was truly attractive). but anyways, i spent 8/14 hours reading and tutoring today. really really burnt out for a first week of class. but i found it really ironic how my Latino Psych book is called Latino Families in Therapy while my Latino Families book is called The Handbook of Chicana/o Psychology and Mental Health. i can't help but speculate that my two professors got drunk one night and thought it'd be hilarious to switch their syllabi for the quarter. you crazy UCI professors!

Thought of the Day: Uh-huh!
Song of the Day: Smashing Pumpkins-Eye

i am an organization freak. i love order. i love completeness. i love logical patterns. growing up, most of my toy time was spent putting them away in a particular area and order. my lego creations had to have a consistent number of colors and shapes. i used to tear up and start over on my dinosaur drawings that had different size body parts. i hated letting people borrow videos or toys because it would break the pattern of my collection. my dad used to rearrange all of his classical music cds according to composer or genre after i "disorganized" them by color countless times. today, after reorganizing MY cd collection for, perhaps, the fifth time (so far), i see that i'm still that same compulsive little boy. well, i've gotten a lot better about the borrowing thing. so what if barrel lost my Every Thought Captive? so what if terrance never found my Summer Mix Mac Vol. 8? so what if that stupid leonard guy returned my Ivy Mega Mix cd case without the cds? i can let those things go. i notice the break in pattern but it's ok. i am a creature that is capable of forgiveness...sometimes.

i think we all have an innate desire for order and design. we are attracted to objects that are complete and whole. nobody likes to see their new cellphone get scratched up. who likes to buy a book with a bent/torn cover? even with physical attractiveness: studies show that the more symmetrical a face looks, the more likely people will find it attractive. order and design = beauty! it's in our nature! but the $64,000 question is WHY?! probably b/c our maker is also one who takes pleasure in the same things. God is not a god of chaos and inconsistency. He is absolutely logical and orderly. our atoms and particles and planets and universes operate under laws that have to obey laws that have to obey laws that have to obey God. everything makes sense b/c God made it. creation is truly beautiful b/c our Lord is infinitely more beautiful.

i start school tomorrow after having a break that was 1 day short of 5 weeks. old friends have grown apart. new friends have grown closer. ("haha...kinda like my cds," said Phil the Loser). i am looking forward to some great things this quarter. even though it's been 9 days into January, i feel like 2006 REALLY starts tomorrow. every day is a day that the Lord has made. let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Thought of the Day: Elvis.
Song of the Day: Queen-Don't Stop Me Now

lots of crazy things have happened in the first four days of January 2006. for the first time in a long time, i made some New Year's Resolutions. my most practical one is probably going out to Sunday Even Worship Services with or without EM. YG has been having evening services for a while now, and i finally went to my first one this past sunday (on January 1st). i figured if i am willing to make it out to EM's monthly night services, i should definitely be willing to go out to YG's weekly services. church is church. Sabbath is Sabbath. i think it's a great way to observe the Lord's Day.




along with my new cd collection, i also added 16 new dvds to my legitimate movie favorites. i am still looking for Moulin Rouge, Good Will Hunting, and Cincinnati Kid for under $10. there is a part of me that really hurts when i see the total price on my graphing calculator. but there's also another part of me that feels really good about what i'm doing. it truly does feel "so fresh and so clean clean."




speaking of fresh and clean, yesterday's snow at Mt. High was really nice. i went snowboarding with 15 others who, for the most part, had a really good time (sorry, tina). snowboarding is pretty expensive, but after 6 hours of improving heel/toe, hearing first-timers repeatedly reminding you of how much fun they're having, and watching doe eat snow so many times in a row (a rhyme!), you'll know where that $47 went. every time i go snowboarding, i see a lot of pretty girls. i am so sore.



the USC vs. Texas game was the craziest college football game my eyeballs have ever experienced. two words. arrogant humbled. another two words. Vince Young. just two more. BAD BEAT. lol.



my last crazy happening of 2006 was when i was doing my bathroom reading this morning. i turned my Calvin & Hobbes to pg. 256 expecting to read just a few more pages til the end of the book. pg. 255 was the last page with a comic in the book...it was the trippiest feeling! Happy New Year, reader. The End.

Thought of the Day: Selfish.
Song of the Day: Red Hot Chili Peppers-Parallel Universe

i just spent $200.64 on 21 cds from half.com and amazon. on the last night of cg retreat, i finally made the difficult decision to stop downloading music/movies. i know it's impossible to buy EVERY single cd for EVERY single song i've ever downloaded, but i'm trying to make up for it (slowly but surely). after singing I Surrender All ("Worldy pleasures all forsaken..."), it was over. i knew i was clearly sinning. no more of this illegal crap! it's always been a burden in my heart since that one discussion we had in paraguay, but my guilty conscience turned into a monster these past few months. even with things like Norton Antivirus and Windows XP, i would like to eventually go completely legit. call me conservative. call me anal. call me a pharisee. for me, it's just an integrity issue. for all you lawbreakers out there, i challenge you to join me in this movement!

in other news, i will not be going up north with jayne and sonia because sonia has "been coughing so much i think im gonna be gettin some 6 packs by the end of break." perhaps, God wanted me to avoid spending even more money on this much anticipated road trip due to the -$200.67. if is the Lord's will, then i will learn to be content.

Thought of the Day: Gay.
Song of the Day: 98 Degrees-Because Of You

this yg retreat was the most bittersweet retreat i've ever been to in my life.

bitter:

1. senior boys upset me alot.
2. i've never seen my students pay so little attention to me.
3. too cold to enjoy weather. not cold enough to snow.
4. the rooms and dining hall were cramped.
5. for the price of the retreat, the food should've been much better.
6. skits were poor in quality. edification was lacking.
7. sean and terrance both got their laptops stolen. really sorry guys.
8. many students were sick and got others sick.

sweet:

1. pastor peter sim was sola scriptura and christ-centered up the butt. "heaven does not begin when you die; it begins when you believe...on the cross, Christ was thirsty so that we would never have to be thristy again...your life is not worthless because God gave up His son for you and your life now brings glory to God...we do not become saints; we ARE saints...we will persevere beacuse Jesus persevered...in heaven, we will sit down at the throne of God: we are kings!"
2. many many students learned and appreciated TULIP.
3. my team won best cheer and skit. well, with this year's groups, i guess that doesn't really say much. mighty mighty Calvinists!
4. terrance made john the stone ro cry...along with the rest of the yg.
5.
Upload Video at DropShots.com

so i've received a few gifts for Christmas already. you know a gift is bad when you're scrambling to look for the gift receipt. my brother never gives me gifts because he never has money. this year, he gave me a $10 giftcard to BestBuy. i don't like receiving giftcards as gifts...but receiving it from Sheemones makes it the best x-mas gift ever.

Thought of the Day: Best of the best.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-End Over End

i had an 89.6% in my psych. research methods class and he gave me a B+. it truly was the worst class i ever took at UCI.

i paid $12.50 to watch Memoirs of a Geisha at the Grove at 11:40pm. i liked it.

crush.

Thought of the Day: Ditzy.
Song of the Day: 98 Degrees-Because Of You

If thou hast drawn a thousand times
Oh Lord draw me again.

Thought of the Day: Disciplines.
Song of the Day: If Thou Hast Drawn

Lucky Sevens

seven things i plan to do before i die:
1. Find myself a God-fearing woman.
2. Become a GOOD 8th/9th grade math teacher.
3. Eat Italian food in Italy.
4. Go to a Foo concert in the pit this time.
5. Perfect my Korean.
6. Eat sushi/ramen in Japan.
7. Directly evangelize to someone and see them come to Christ.

seven things i can do:
1. Make pretzels.
2. Eat a lot of salad.
3. Pop my jaw.
4. Beat anyone in Super Puzzle Fighter and Streetfighter vs. X-Men (playstation only).
5. Drive up north without stopping once.
6. Watch Pulp Fiction and Swingers over and over and over again.
7. Make you laugh with my dance moves.

seven things i cannot do:
1. Sleep with any noise/light.
2. Play guitar.
3. Arminianism.
4. Pop gum.
5. Roll my tongue.
6. Beat John Ro in pingpong.
7. Write legibly.

seven things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. humorous-we both have to be able to make each other laugh.
2. teachable-i have to be able to lead you.
3. generous-self-explanatory.
4. cute-we're talking physical and personality. can't learn it. it's all genes here.
5. diligent-girls aren't supposed to be lazy. only guys are.
6. healthy-proper nutrition, exercise, and hygiene is good for physical attraction.
7. mature-proper relationships and humility is good for emotional attraction.

send in your resumes, ladies. =D

seven things that i say most often:
1. what up?
2. oh no!
3. what a lil baby!
4. can you just...
5. goodbye.
6. Sheemones!
7. oh yeah?

seven celebrity crushes (only in these appearances):
1. Jennifer Love Hewitt (Can't Hardly Wait)
2. Jennifer Anniston (Friends)
3. Renee Zellweger (Jerry Maguire)
4. Nicole Kidman (Batman Forever/Moulin Rouge)
5. Keira Knightley (Love Actually)
6. Audrey Hepburn (Roman Holiday)
7. Emmy Rossum (The Day After Tomorrow/Phantom of the Opera)

Quotes

"These songs (Mercy Me) are for middle-aged people and not for younger people right? I mean, it's not like one of those crazy songs like "ONE WAY! JE~SUS!""
-Mom

"I did not see him with my bodily eyes, but with the eyes of mine understanding; and thus it was. One day I was very sad, I think sadder than at any one time in my life; and this sadness was through a fresh sight of the greatness and vileness of my sins: and as i was then looking for nothing but Hell, and the everlasting damnation of my soul, suddenly, as I thought, I saw the Lord Jesus look down from Heaven upon me, and saying, 'Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved.'
But I replied, 'Lord, I am a great, a very great sinner'; and he answered, 'My grace is sufficient for thee.' Then I said 'But Lord, what is believing?' And then I saw from that saying He that cometh to me shall never hunger, and he that believe on me shall never thrist that believing and coming was all one, and that he that came, that is, run out in his heart and affections after salvation by Christ, he indeed believed in Christ. Then the water stood in mine eyes, and I asked further, 'But Lord, may such a great sinner as I am be indeed accepted of thee, and be saved by thee?' And I heard him say, 'And him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out.' Then I said, 'But how, Lord, must I consider of thee in my coming to thee, that my faith may be placed aright upon thee?' Then he said, 'Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. He is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believes. He died for our sins, and rose again for our justification. He loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood. He is mediator between God and us. He ever liveth to make interecession for us.' From all which I gathered that I must look for righteousness in his person, and for satisfaction for my sins by his blood; that what he did in obedience to the Father's law, and in submitting to the penalty thereof, was not for himself, but for him that will accept it for his salvation, and be thankful. And now was my heart full of joy, mine eyes full of tears, and mine affections running over with love, to the name, people and ways of Jesus Christ...
It made me see that all the world, notwithstanding all the righteousness thereof, is in a state of condemnation. It made me see that God the Father, though he be just, can justly justify the coming sinner. It made me greatly ashamed of the vileness of my former life, and confounded me with the sense of mine own ignorannce; for there never came through into mine heart before now that showed me so the beauty of Jesus Christ. It made me love a holy life, and long to do something for the honour and glory of the name of the Lord Jesus. Yea, I thought, that had I now a thousand gallons of blood in my body, I could spill it all for the sake of the Lord Jesus."
-Hopeful from The Pilgrim's Progress

Thought of the Day: Bad girl.
Song of the Day: Let Us Love And Sing And Wonder

i've been on winter break since wednesday 10:00am. i blanked out on both of my finals so i was unable to produce the best results of my long hours of studying. it's ok though; it's not about the grade anyways. but to celebrate from finishing the hardest qtr i've ever had in my life, i went straight to riverside to play with sonia blade, yommy, and turrence (from puraguay). after a long day (and an even longer night) with those companions, i drove back towards cerritos. as i was driving on the 91, i saw this big billboard that said, "Remember the reason for the season. Luke 2:11." i thought that was a nice reminder for the thousands of drivers who pass by the area. when i got home, i also read chang's xanga about how the joy of celebrating Christ should not be limited to just December 25th or Easter Sunday. another very encouraging reminder. but today as i was brushing my teeth, i thought about that Christ being the reason statement. i think for chrisitans, that statement should be shortened to just: Remember the reason! we do not merely remember the reason for the season alone. we ought to remember the reason for EVERYTHING. the reason for studying. the reason for hanging out in riverside. the reason for watching stupid things like Family Guy or bowling on Wednesday nights. the reason why we work at our part-time jobs. the reason why we have what we have and do what we do. we breathe, feel, and move because of one thing: Christ.

Acts 17:24-25-The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.

1 Corinthians 10:31-So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Yes!!!

my cd-rom won't open. can somebody help me?

i'm getting fat.

Thought of the Day: "KEVIN!"
Song of the Day: Mariah Carey-All I Want For Christmas Is You

Philip:

I have it :)
Thank you for such a wonderful quarter.
Dr. C

i just sighed out 50 pounds of relief. Thank you, Lord!

a few things that have made my day so far...

1. as i was walking through the parking lot, i saw this sweater-hooded girl inside her car with the front seat pushed up all the way to the steering wheel. the front seat was tilted forward at a good 50 degree angle and her head lay motionless on top of the steering wheel. i like it when i see other students sharing in my sufferings.

2. as soon as i finished my psych. final, i went straight to the nearest garbage can and thew away EVERY SINGLE handout, lab, lecture note, and article. then i sold both of my psych books. purge.

3. on Beach and Artesia, i saw a guy with sunglasses, dressed up in a Santa Clause suit, with a sign that said "Tool Sale." it's a pretty warm day for December. life is tough.

4. Foo Fighters. catharsis.

5. all four blogs/xangas i just read were really good.

(6). the last thing that will make/complete my day is when i receive Dr. C's email indicating that she safely received my folder containing my 20 page paper & co. i cannot accurately describe the anxiety i'm experiencing right now because of this. yeah, that would hella make my day.

btw, i am still under the bondage of Mr. Delirious Man.

phil is under the bondange of Mr. Delirious Man.

his only means of escape is sleep.

he reads words like "caffeine," as "cocaine."

Mr. Delirious Man wishes Sunshine Kim a happy 22.

somebody save phil!

Thought of the Day: Down.
Song of the Day: Andy Williams-It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

"Those who know God's mercy must operate on the principle of mercy. If they do not show mercy but insist on justice, they willl receive justice rather than mercy. We must not minimize the seriousness of this matter. An unforgiving heart is a heart that is subject to torment "until (its debtor) should pay back all" that is owed, which in the case of any human being equates to forever. A truly forgiving heart is the fruit of regeneration."
-Reformation of the Study Bible

lol. ponzu sauce.

lol. snugs.

Thought of the Day: Just a sinner who didn't get enough sleep.
Song of the Day: Queen-Crazy Little Thing Called Love

"But when I am born again of the Spirit of God, I know that Jesus Christ did not come to teach only: He came to make me what He teaches I should be."
-Oswald Chambers

Thought of the Day: Sin produces sin.
Song of the Day: The Beatles-Come Together

i started my christmas shopping list today. i first write down names, then a price that i'm willing to spend, and finally, another list of each individual's interests/hobbies. it's really sad when i can only think of two or three interests for a person. for example, for some of the people i just wrote:

-clothes
-alcohol

or

-anime
-electronics

but have no fear if you qualify in either of these areas. i can usually think of something creative every birthday or Christmas. i take great pride in the gifts that i get for (most) people...except for the time i got those Dinoriders dvds for dinko. sorry about that.

Thought of the Day: Medium!
Song of the Day: Mercy Me-Homesick

last night...

i went to my very first UCI basketball game. that crap was SO fun! i learned a lot of new things last night.

1. what the Bren Events looks like.
2. that UCI has cheerleaders and a dance team!
3. that we actually beat Stanford a few days ago.
4. UCI students get to watch games for free.

i even got a yellow C.I.A (Completely Insane Anteater) t-shirt for free! i always wondered why so many people had those shirts, but i learned that they give you a new one every year for free when you attend a sporting event. it was really fun cheering with the other irvine students. Peter the Anteater, our mascot, even gave me a high-five! my favorite cheer of the night was: "IT'S ALL OVER!" *CLAPCLAP CLAPCLAP CLAP* our record is 3-1 after last night's win. i've never seen so many zot hands go up at once. never been so proud to be an Anteater in my life.

today...

at exactly 3:45pm, my car broke 200,000 miles! it was cool cause all of the digits were turning as i was pulling into my driveway. for the longest time, i always told people that i was going to throw a party when my car hit 200,000. ain't no party when you're all alone in the car. just me and her. i couldn't have asked for a more perfect situation. haha. i actually started having imaginations of my car exploding as soon as the last mile changed. if there's one worldly thing i'm thankful for this Thanksgiving, it's God's providence over my car. she may be no Mustang, but she secretly makes me really happy.

tomorrow...

i will be celebrating my second real Thanksgiving dinner at Snugs' place with a few other fellas. i am definitely looking forward to the 15 pound turkey, hours of hold'em, some Swingers, and some delectable pumpkin pie! i love that word: delectable.

Thought of the Day: Alternating Harmonic Series.
Song of the Day: Biggie-Big Poppa

there was no Lovefest last week. there is no Lovefest tonight. there will be no Lovefest next week. woe is me!

Thought of the Day: Golf is not a sport.
Song of the Day: The Ventures-Pipeline

there's this chinese girl in my math discussion who sits near me. she's pretty quiet and looks really innocent and pure kinda like nina ("neeners") or sonya. well, today after class, instead of asking the TA, she asked me if knew how many quizzes were going to be dropped out of the total. of all the times she could have chosen to talk to me, she chose a time when my runny nose was dripping with snot as i was busy wiping away with my hand. "uh...how many quizzes? i think one." *SNIFF!* she'll probably never talk to me again.

i was studying at commons last week and out of no where, this girl ran by and hit me pretty hard. "hi!" but after taking a closer look at my face, she realized that i wasn't one of her friends. "oh my, i am so sorry!" and then she scurried off all embarrassed. she had glasses. she was pretty. she'll probably never talk to me again.

i'm really sick right now and i have terrible neck pains. i desperately need your prayers for my physical condition right now. the neck pains especially are a thorn in my flesh. i don't know if it's because i'm stressed or because i studied in a bad posture for several hours or because i slept retarded. i can't even move my head back all the way cause it feels like something's going to pop in my neck. more than the girls that'll probably never talk to me again, i need for you to pray for my physical sufferings. the Lord listens to the prayers of His people. let it be true!

Thought of the Day: -3.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-Wind Up

why is my mom so scared to drive on the freeway?!

Thought of the Day: Covariation.
Song of the Day: Dave Matthews Band-Crash Into Me Fatboy Slim Mix

i've been taking linear algebra this quarter and i will unashamedly proclaim that it is really difficult for me. i feel so humbled when i overhear students in the class tell each other how easy this class is. what can i say? i'm just NOT GOOD AT MATH! after every clusters meeting, i have to ask d. lai for help with the homework. right before every discussion, i have to ask the white guy that always sits behind me for help with the homework. it's become so common and routine that when i asked him how to do a problem today, he sarcastically responded, "MAGIC!" that hurt my feelings...but he still helped me.

yesterday, i was so discouraged by the homework problems and lecture that i actually stayed after class to talk to the professor. this is the same professor that judy and i always make fun of because of his thick chinese accent and chipmunk physique. but after some thorough explanations on the board, i honestly understood everything he said and i was really really grateful. he wasn't even mean about it or anything. very patient with my ignorance. very pleased when i got the correct answer. "yeSS!" with a single nod. haha. he even went out of his way to ask me if the lectures were helpful and what i thought of the textbook. after i told him my concerns, he told me he was going to talk to the TA about making easier quizzes and post the solutions to the homework problems online. and believe it or not, he sent an email out to the whole class on the same day announcing that he would post up solutions to the homework problems. the only thing he lied about was the quiz. they're still hard. 1 for 2. not bad.

Thought of the Day: Angry.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-Lonely As You

"You must guard your imagination if you want to guard your heart. Don�t feed a lonely heart with cheesy romance novels or chick flicks and fantasize about the men or the relationships described. This can quickly become lust�lusting to be lusted after. Don�t allow yourself to imagine someone is interested in you when he is just being friendly. Don�t imagine that he had a tender look when he said hello to you, when he was really just giving you a polite greeting. In other words, do not develop wild crushes. If the man in question shows an interest elsewhere, you will be hurt, and depending on how much you indulged your imagination, you may be devastated. Be realistic about the men who show you attention. If you are too eager for a relationship, you can imagine he is godlier, funnier, sweeter, smarter, older, or taller than he really is. If you have to talk yourself into someone, you are not being realistic about this man. Don�t get desperate! Don�t allow yourself to get involved in an inappropriate relationship because you are lonely. Don�t look for a man as a ticket out. You may want to move out or move on, but that is not a good reason to get married. "
-Nancy Wilson (Douglas Wilson's wife)

scream AMEN with me! thanks, john and thank you, Mrs. Wilson!

Thought of the Day: #/0=Infinity.
Song of the Day: GOD-Meeting

i had Red Lobster for the first time tonight. garlic shrimp is delicious. i like eric and sunny. party animals.

Thought of the Day: Bahama Mama!
Song of the Day: Black Eyed Peas-My Humps

right now, i'm printing out my 22nd article for my research paper. i have two more to print out after this. i printed so many pages that i had to put in a new ink cartridge and even that one just ran out now! my brother hates my noisy printer with all his heart. i, on the other hand, hate my upper div writing class with all my heart. no, i take that back...i don't hate it. it's just A LOT of work. my research paper is always always on my mind. in fact, this morning i woke up thinking about self-esteem and identity issues that influence academic retention. !!!

after feeling discouraged from my math class, i debated whether or not i should stay for psych. but since i needed to talk to rebecca about the lab hw, i decided to bear through it. after deciding to work on the lab together after class, we went to commons and sat down at the computers. as i was looking through my backpack, i couldn't find my floppy disk anywhere! my floppy disk with my two drafts for my research paper. my floppy disk with the two crucial articles that i spent 4 hours looking for last night. losing this disk would have produced some loud cuss words for sure. but by the grace of God, it was still inside the computer that i had worked on last night. *SIIIIIIIGH* if i had not gone to class, i would've lost everything. if i had fudged the lab last week to finish early, i would've lost everything. if i had not asked rebecca to work on the lab together, i would've lost everything. was i merely lucky? heck no! that was God's providence FOR SURE!

it's only 2:30 and it's already been a long day. my articles are done printing.

Thought of the Day: Juggling too many eggs.
Song of the Day: Weezer-Beverly Hills