on tuesday, april 26, 2005, i actually raised my hand and made a comment/question in one of my lectures for the first time in my college history. after doing the reading and watching this video, my mind was at conflict with one of the notions that was being explained. i don't know what compelled me but i was totally Braveheart mentality. i ran the script over in my head several times and as soon as it was time for me to raise my hand, my heart started to pound at accelerating rates. freak! he called on someone else. after that 10 min. answer and a moment of silence, i casually raised my hand...

professor: yes, phil?
me: it seems like in the video and even from your book, in order to know your identity, you have to presuppose that there is a creator. how does this work for atheists?
professor: i don't know, you tell me....blah blah blah...there isn't a single black person who doesn't believe in a divine being...blah blah blah...good question.
me: (HECK YEAH that was a good question!).

i can't believe i spoke in class.




AzN1283 (12:26:26 AM): hey
Pretzelboi96 (12:26:34 AM): ayo
AzN1283 (12:26:34 AM): john has a gf?
Pretzelboi96 (12:26:41 AM): lol
Pretzelboi96 (12:26:43 AM): i JUST saw that too
Pretzelboi96 (12:26:45 AM): like literally
AzN1283 (12:26:49 AM): freakin a
Pretzelboi96 (12:26:49 AM): i don't think so
AzN1283 (12:26:50 AM): he beat us

these days, that missions pact that danny boy and i made last year doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

Thought of the Day: I hate Bi.
Song of the Day: Voices Of Theory-Say It

dinosaurs with lazer guns. I-N-G-E-N-I-O-U-S.

Thought of the Day: Beyonce talks ghetto.
Song of the Day: 50 Cent - The Massacre - 20 - Hate It or Love It (feat. The Game, Lloyd Banks, Tony Yayo, Young Buck) (G Unit Remix)

i was driving home today and i thought about everything that's happened these past two weeks. i was immediately reminded of edu's xanga title, "Come, Lord Jesus." man, i've been so sad lately just with all of the financial difficulties, grad school stuff, and friends having troubles with friends. i am weary from it all. how can i encourage others when i myself am so discouraged? as i kept driving, it hit me that i've been too complacent with my spiritual walk. i've been pretty comfortable for a long time now and it's finally caught up to me. i have forgotten what it means to struggle and to grow in character and hope. Chambers writes, "Beware of the danger of relaxation spiritually." i have indeed NOT been aware and i once again find myself at my knees.
Hebrews 12:2-3-Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
God is sovereign over my bank account and even my relationships. how much more is He sovereign over my sanctification?
Hebrews 12:11-No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Amen.
Come, Lord Jesus.
Amen.

Thought of the Day: Doesn't listen.
Song of the Day: Chris Tomlin-How Great Is Our God

tough week

i remember when i used to have really bad days where everything was just going wrong. cancelled appointments, missing the bus, losing money, fighting with the mom, and having an influx of homework all in the same day. when things got so bad, i used to laugh to myself at how ridiculous my day was...but not today. there is definitely no laughing on this sunny April Thursday. i think it's because my crappy events have been spread out throughout the week.

my brake light turned on last thurs even though my parking brake wasn't on. the brakes weren't feeling too sturdy either so i concluded that my brake pads were worn out and it was time for me to replace them. so i got them checked out on monday at Midas. when the manager tells you that's it's going to take about an hour, what he really means is that it's going to take 1 hour TIMES THREE! as i was waiting for my repaired car, they found out that my front left and right axles were messed up. what i thought was only going to cost me around 150 bucks turned out to be 150 bucks TIMES FIVE! for you english majors out there, that's $750 (and that's with a small discount).

i came home feeling really really sad. after calculating living costs and finances for the summer, i had to call my mom and ask her not to deposit the check i had sent her. even then, i don't have enough money to pay for summer rent. dude.

yesterday, i couldn't find my red aeropostale shirt. i lost it. rather, i think someone stole it from my laundry last thursday. i don't know, it's gone. but to make matters worse, i came home finding my left headlight not working. did you know that cops will actually pull you over and give you a fix-it-ticket that costs $10 and alotta out of the way trouble for a broken headlight? so being the obedient law-keeper that i am, i took my car back to Midas today as soon as i ended my 8am class. after taking another look at my car, joe (the manager) told me that it was absolutely critical that i change my two rear tires cause they were in really bad shape. he told me the same thing on monday and i knew they looked a lil lopsided, but i didn't think it was "absolutely critical" to change my tires. *shrug* how bad can the costs be? "alrite, joe, i'll change my tires too." after telling me it should be done before 3, i came back at 3:20 and it still wasn't even done. long story short, $180. *bitter weeping*

jin asked for three weeks off and jordan and dillon are on spring break this week. i just lost another $120. dude.

i don't know how i'm going to support people for missions or pay for my gas during the summer (last night was the most gas i ever had to pay for my small car-$31.36). there's more to my unpleasant week but i have to stop with the ranting somewhere. don't pity me. instead, pray for me.

Thought of the Day: I really want to throw my car away.
Song of the Day: The Munjees-Adoption Song

i had traffic school today. i went to bed at 3, woke up at 5:50, and waited outside in line at 6:40 til they opened the doors at 7. as i wrote in a previous entry, it's the traffic school part of the ticket that i hate more than the fine itself. 8 hours of sitting cramped inside a court room with 100 other traffic violators. it was kinda like sitting in traffic, only with no place to go...and no place to cry.

Reed Berry "The Traffic Guy"

my instructor was one of the funniest people i have ever met in my life. he was so sarcastic and witty thoughout the WHOLE day! it really felt like he was doing stand-up comedy 70% of the time. i mean, how do you crack jokes (really funny ones!) about traffic laws and safety rules? *shrug* he was doing it. he was seriously so good that i took down his info so that i could recommend him to future law breakers who need to take traffic school. and call me crazy but i did learn alot about traffic violations and new 2005 laws. for example, did you know that you can park on yellow curbs after 6 and all day on sundays? they're actually supposed to be for commercial vehicles but they're not enforced during the evening. that could save you alotta parking trouble. here's another one. did you know that for every point you get for getting a ticket, your insurance goes up $300 every year for three years?
don't get me wrong. traffic school sucked! i never wanna do that crap again. but it really wasn't as bad as it could have been...since i had "The Traffic Guy."



i think for the first time in a long time, i don't have any particular cravings for a specific genre of music. i usually go though cyclic phases of all my mp3s but these days, i'm just putting anything into my winamp just to kill the silence. it's a bit similar to my desiring of God. we all know that music is a beautiful and powerful thing that gives so much life to so many plain things. what would movies be like without music? how would our car rides feel without our radios and cds? what would sunday services be like without singing? but for me to not enjoy music shows that there's something wrong with me. it doesn't make any sense for me to not WANT to listen to some sort of melody. very much so, God who is infinitely awesome and wondrous (and the very creator of music) deserves that much more of my attention and crave. when i do not desire Him, there is something terribly wrong with me. it doesn't make sense that i don't have a passion for God. it's like chang's steak analogy. if steak tastes bad, it isn't a problem with the steak. it's a problem with the grilling or the fire (or the lack of it). but just as i know that music is a beautiful thing and as i remember pleasureable experiences of it, i know that God too is very beautiful and desiring Him is indeed very pleasureable. i am indeed a creature that is prone to wander, so prone to forget. Psalm 42:1-"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." i want that desire again.

Thought of the Day: New bestfriend.
Song of the Day:

me: i'm taking afro-american psychology this qtr. i get to learn how black people think.
chris: all they do is steal. that's all you need to know.

Thought of the Day: Good to be back.
Song of the Day: Your Name Is Holy