lately, when i've been telling people that i've been busy, i realized that what i really mean is that i've just been really busy with my thoughts. schoolwork and tutoring doesn't take up that much time. rather, it's the times in between where i feel like my life is engrossed with future plans and goals. FAFSA stuff, next year's living situation, summer plans, grad. school stuff (tests to take, letters of rec., meeting with counselors)-you'd be surprised how much i think about this stuff everyday. i've actually come to the point where i'm stressed out. too many uncertainties and a lack of control. i'm the type to take things "one step at a time," but i feel like i'm in a situation where i have to plan ahead before i take each step. it's alot to think about and i must admit that i often forget God's faithfulness and sovereignty in all of it.

"grad school?! heck no! after my 4 years, i'm out of here and never studying again!"
-phil chung, freshmen year

man, who would've thought that i'd be going to grad school to get a master's degree in education. of course i have my fears that i'll later find out that i hate teaching and that this was all a waste of time and energy. this growing up business is really hard. i just have to remind myself of God's faithfulness everyday. if God was faithful in providing Abraham with Issac, saving and prospering Joseph, protecting David in all of his wars, and of course, giving the world His very own son so that we could be justified, then surely my future is secure with the Lord. Psalm 3:3-"...you bestow glory on me and lift up head." reader, would your head be lifted up in whatever situation you are in as well.



this picture also helps me forget about my worries.

Thought of the Day: Make me proud.
Song of the Day: Mark Schultz-He Will Carry Me

Miracle #1:
i came down with the flu today. i only had a sore throat yesterday, but after being tempted to play some ball i think i got even sicker. i'm pretty sure i got it from edu after ALMOST drinking out of his can on saturday. well, that ALMOST was just enough to make me physically miserable. but it's crazy how God shows mercy to His people. i was studying for my abnormal psych. midterm (tomorrow), but i was incredibly drowsy and delirious. i knew that if i slept, i wouldn't get up til tomorrow morning and that would only leave me with a few hours to study. so in my desperation, i prayed, took some Thera-flu, and decided to crash. once the drugs starting kicking in, instead of falling asleep, i was feeling so much better...better enough to get out of bed and go back to studying! i just finished studying and even ate the rest of my dinner. praise God!

but with this illness, it got me wondering if God knows what it feels like to be sick. surely, God cannot GET sick b/c He is perfect in nature, but He is also a God who is wise and all-knowing. i suppose God can know and understand w/o having to experience. but then again, i'm sure Christ got sick at least a couple of times while he was here on earth. He experienced what we all experience (except sin). but even if Christ never got the flu, i'm sure He knew what it's like. whatever the case, i have been healed by his grace.



Miracle #2
eugene did the dishes today. that made me really happy. no one even told him to do it. i think this is the first time i've experienced him washing the dishes w/o chris nagging him. i wonder what was so different about today. what motivated or inspired him to do this unusual act? was it b/c i was sick? did it finally occur to him that it was unjust that he loaded up the dishwasher while chris and i had to clean up his mess? was he under the influence of drugs/alcohol? man, eugene actually did the dishes today. i didn't even have to ask God for this one. what grace.

Random:



Pretzelboi96 (10:58:56 PM): i like this picture too
Pretzelboi96 (10:58:57 PM): edu and zen
AsianXboi56 (10:59:04 PM): hahaha
AsianXboi56 (10:59:18 PM): edu's the magician and zen's his little helper
Pretzelboi96 (10:59:33 PM): ahahhaahhha

Thought of the Day: Rainy Day Mix.
Song of the Day: Third Day Blind-Motorcycle Driveby

Thought of the Day: Sore throat.
Song of the Day: It Is Well With My Soul

Praise God for antibiotics.

Thought of the Day: DDR-ed out.
Song of the Day: Never Ending Story DDR Mix

in the past two months, i've had three ear infections. i'm still having my third one right now. i have grown a very strong hate for these infections. what people don't realize is that much of your inner ear is connected to your jaw muscles. so when i'm trying to enjoy a simple sandwich that michelle made for me, i am chewing in painful tears. when i got home from fieldwork, i just collapsed into my bed and lay, scrunched up in a humble fetal position. all i could do is think about Job and his boils or Paul and the thorn in his flesh: "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me." i think i've pleaded more like three-HUNDRED times to take away the pain.

i remember when i was 5 or 6, i had an ear infection and all i did was cry in my mom's arms. she couldn't do anything to make the aching go away so she did what all moms do best-hold me as i cried. i really do believe that mothers have a special love for their children that no one can explain. when it comes to protecting and sacrificing for their child, they're freakin' super-heroes. my mom is just a glimpse of what my God is. the tender love. the faithfulness. the most incredible sacrifice.

Romans 8:32-�He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, give us all things?�

please pray for me so that we can rejoice together the next time i see you.

Thought of the Day: Miserable.
Song of the Day: Sara Groves-The Word

Thought of the Day: Sisters' Appreciation Nite!
Song of the Day: Third Day-When The Rain Comes

my past comments on sisters appreciate nites...

"men, if this banquet turns out like crap, remember...they're only girls! HWATEENG!" (Feb 2002).

"and friday is the Sister's Appreciation Nite. omg. we took some crazy pictures at church today, but i can't spoil it for the ladies. ahhahaahhha." (Feb 2003).

"today, we worked on the sisters apprecation nite at church. " (Feb 2004).

i told zenia that this year's theme was going to be Bootcamp. i told her the decorations were going to be like trees and camouflage like a jungle. everyone would dress in army clothes and the guys would bring guns and stuff. she had the most try-not-to-look-upset face in the world...

me: c'mon zenia! you don't like the idea?
(zen walks away).
me: c'mon! i was the one who came up with the idea! you don't like it?!
zen: no it's good!
me: patanga?
zen: ....patanga it's good.


i had the biggest cow after that. (Feb 2005).

Thought of the Day: Where's my pink towel?!
Song of the Day: Wax-Pillow

i was never really a troublemaker growing up. i never talked during class, never hit other kids, and never cut in line. well, maybe not NEVER. there were very very few times where i got caught talking or making fun of someone by the teacher. i remember that every time i was sent outside to have a "timeout," i'd sit on the ground and put my hands between my legs where no one could see what my fingers were doing. i felt so much shame, stupidity, and guilt, but i knew that no one could see my fingers freely twirling on the ground. my hidden fingers symbolized how small and humble i felt, and i didn't want anybody to see it. absolute abashment. i guess it's similar to when Adam and Eve put on fig coverings and hid from God. they were ashamed of their nakedness and did not want to be seen, especially by God.

i think alot of times, we don't realize the depths of our own sins. too often, we are not ashamed or feel the need to repent of the slightest hint of evil. there are countless times where i have judged someone, caught myself in the act, said a mere sorry to God, and forgot about it. is this true repentance? or what about the contrary: overemphasizing our sins and forgetting about God's grace and forgiveness. i remember when i used to party alot, the next morning i'd be mourning for forgiveness all day until i had "felt bad enough." is this real repentance? what exactly is proper repentance? how do you hate your sin yet remember God's greater grace at the same time? how do you have balance so that you don't overemphasize one or the other? i guess even man's efforts to turn away from sin are imperfect. it's kind of like obeying the 4th commandment of keeping the Sabbath holy. no one will ever obey that commandment perfectly.

thank goodness for Christ...always.

prone to wander
Lord I feel it
prone to leave the God I love.

here's my heart, Lord
take and seal it
seal it for thy courts above.

Thought of the Day: Self-control.
Song of the Day: Lena Park-Beautiful You

me: what does "extracted" mean?
jordan: like eliminate.
me: mmm...more like to separate or take out.
jordan: that's what i said! eliminate!

he is smarter, taller, and is beginning to "accidentally" cuss. it's good to have him back.

Thought of the Day: Bad morning.
Song of the Day: Jars Of Clay-Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing