i've driven up and down california alot ever since i became a college student. the first few times were really difficult but you slowly get used to them. i feel like you go through alot in every car ride. you can go through phases of jokes, songs, games, stories, and hunger. another way to look at a car ride is through phases of emotion-bored, annoyed, excited, sad, scared, happy, etc. some car rides are faster than others, some are more enjoyable than others, and sometimes accidents may even occur. i feel like car rides are often similar to what we experience in one year...like 2004:

-lots and lots of hold'em
-stressful beefs
-accountability w/jay
-paraguay training
-crashing at sunshine's
-LOVEFEST!!!
-new cell phone
-balling at san marco
-paraguay
-serving as an officer
-meeting aaron chung
-sleeping/studying with edu
-becoming good friends with doe and zen
-starting up pool again
-the officers' meeting when pastor told us he was leaving
-the "last officers' meeting"
-flat tires
-the awesome summer part-time job
-longing for the CAVE
-moving into San Leon
-charity dinner in la
-full metal alchemist & azumanga
-riverside thursdays
-yg summer retreat
-"password" at pastor's
-biola
-third day & foo fighters
-billy graham crusade
-super x-mas land
-best gpa qtr
-last night's brazilian bbq with chang

2004 was such a good car ride. all glory to God.

Thought of the Day: 2:30pm
Song of the Day: Super Mario's Sleigh Ride OC Remix

it's official. Foo Fighters is the greatest secular band that God has created thus far. right now, it's 1:30am and my brother just got out of bed to watch the concert dvd for the third time. i really don't know why i didn't appreciate them until this past month. i think their power comes from their performances. (shaking head) true rockers. haha. i can feel zenia rolling her eyes already.

i really miss so. cal. in fact, i am so excited that i will be driving down tomorrow. you don't know how good it feels to hear people wanting you to come back. i seriously feel like my face brightens up even when just chatting with them online. i miss the warm so. cal winter, the ghetto mexican food, and of course, my church. man, homesick just from being away for less than a week. i guess that just makes your arrival that much sweeter. maybe that's what heaven will be like. as you suffer more and more for Christ in this short-lived world, heaven will taste that much sweeter forever...

I'M ALMOST HOME, BABY!

Thought of the Day: Jealous Devils.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-Generator

me: it's so boring w/o simon home.
mom: then you can spend time with mom!

i feel like i learned so much about my mom yesterday. we actually did get to spend a lot of time together. haha. whenever i sit down and talk with my mom, she always likes to give me "christian advice." i really like that about my mom. even though it's stuff that i already know, just the fact that she chooses to give me "christian advice" really encourages me. my mom is seriously the godliest ahjumah i know. she seriously can't stop talking about church and how good God has been to her even through the hardships in our family. we talked about alotta things today. in fact, i finally had the guts to ask her if she was reformed or not. of course i didn't ask her, "mom, are you reformed or what?" i mean, i don't even know how to say "reformed" in korean! anyways, we talked about calvinism and stuff and basically she was telling me how she found comfort in the fact that her own son shared in the same doctrine as she did. i think iii found more comfort in that than she did. =D

but the craziest thing i learned about my mom was that she is in better physical shape than me! you see, my mom is an exercise-aholic. she used to work out so much that sometimes my dad would get mad at her. there'd be times where she'd go to the gym twice in one day! i think she really likes that endorphin feeling or something. but anyways, after our lil talk she really wanted me to go walking/jogging with her on this one trail up in Hillcrest. i know she wanted me to join her real bad so i agreed to go. haha man...she was crazy happy, jumping off the walls like a lil girl.

so we're like speed walking for a few minutes and she asks me if i could speed up (i guess i was holding her back or something). then she asks me if i wanna start jogging, so we jogged for about a mile and i was dying. the whole time, i kept telling myself that mom CANNOT pass me up. not only am i her son, but i'm also supposed to be youthful and energetic. whenever i looked back, she was RIGHT behind me! haha she looked so funny with her huge orange sweater and her quick little feet. so cute. but what killed me was on the way back. she was crazy power walking up these steep hills! i literally could not keep up with her. in fact, i had to ask her if we could just take it easy. (shaking head) humbled by my 49 year old mom.

a random thought crossed my mind today. i think after my mom passes away, these will be the memories that i will remember of her. yesterday, i was so miserable cause i was bored out of my mind with my brother on his retreat. but today, i thank God for giving me the time i spent with mom.

Thought of the Day: Merry X-mas Eve!
Song of the Day: Vanilla Ice-Ice Ice Baby

i've caught the bug...

Ten Random Things About Me:
10. For my kindergarten graduation, i was the only student eating the food while all the kids were playing with each other.
9. I was insanely in love with dinosaurs during my childhood.
8. I used to think that the word, "fob," was slang for "gangster."
7. The first "real" song i ever liked was Green Day's "Basket Case" in 4th grade.
6. Growing up I used to be really insecure about having an abnormally large butt.
5. I stopped believing in Santa after my dad wrote "From Santa Clausause" on one of my gifts.
4. I used to hate whoppers b/c i thought they had too many vegetables.
3. The meanest thing I've ever done in my life was beat up my brother for cussing at me and forcing him to do the Bloody Mary thing until she came out.
2. I have this recurring nightmare where I'm moving really fast while lying down on railroad tracks, and some scary evil monster is laughing and coming after this angelic princess who's crying.
1. When I was 10, i used to think that i was really mature for my age b/c i wasn't disgusted by the kissing in tv/movies.

Nine Places I've Visited:
9. Oh~Pilseung Korea!
8. Tahoe.
7. Reno.
6. Vegas, Baby, Vegas!
5. Grand Canyon.
4. Mexico.
3. NYC.
2. Cornell.
1. Paraguay.

Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
8. Be able to pray in korean.
7. Watch and read all of the classics i never made time for.
6. Play Canon perfectly.
5. Go to the symphony with my dad.
4. See at least one of my non-christian friends accept Christ.
3. Have a six-pack (don't laugh!).
2. Wear a 40's gangster suit.
1. See my family with absoulutely no financial burden.

Seven Ways To Win My Heart:
7. BANGS!
6. Shoot pool really well.
5. Teachable.
4. Fluent.
3. Classical Piano.
2. Make me laugh.
1. Love Christ more than me.

Six Things I Believe In:
6. There is nothing wrong with girls hinting at guys that they are interested in them.
5. TULIP.
4. 99% of women should not be allowed to drive.
3. The Cave of Godly Women.
2. Christ is the answer to every single movie.
1. My mom is better than your mom.

Five Things I'm Afraid Of:
5. The thought of my brother dying before me.
4. Losing body parts.
3. Cockroaches.
2. Physical persecution (being burned, buried, eaten alive).
1. The idea of rape. The only people who deserved to be raped are those who rape others.

Four Songs On My Mind:
4. Foo Fighters-All My Life.
3. Modest Mouse-The Ocean Breathes Salty.
2. Modest Mouse-The World At Large.
1. As One-Last Christmas.

Three Things I Touch Everyday:
3. Cell Phone.
2. Bible.
1. Glasses.

Two Things I Am Trying Not To Do Right Now:
2. Go pee.
1. Lust.

One Person I Want To See Right Now:
1. Foo Fighters Concert dv...i mean dinko.


Thought of the Day: Sinners leading sinners.
Song of the Day: As One-Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree Alternative Mix

college group and em have finally merged and pastor dennis is no longer at cpc. we had a banquet dedicated to him on friday where i had high hopes in seeing him cry like a baby. man, that guy has too much pride. he wouldn't even shed ONE tear for me!



i think crying is a funny thing. we cry when we are broken, sad, happy, scared, or sometimes when we're just laughing too hard. you can only cry when you have so much emotion that your heart can't handle it. all of those feelings are manifested in tears and an ugly face. i have NEVER cried in a korean drama or any type of movie in my life. there has never been a secular book or song that has moved me to tears before. there are only three things that can make phil cry:

1. death of a loved one.

i've been to three funerals in my life. obviously, i'll mourn for a loss in my life. seeing/hearing other people cry makes me want to cry too. i feel their pain and can't help but sympathize. i guess this one's a no brainer.

2. guilt of my sin(s).

i hate my sinful nature. i believe that Christ lived and died for me so that i can have a life of righteousness. but no matter how much i believe this truth, i still sin. when your life is so full of sin, you cannot be happy. it opposes our calling to be children of light. the most miserable person in the world is the christian who does not live like one. when i realize that my life is overwhelmed with sin, i will cry.

3. God's love.

whenever i am really reminded of God's faithfulness and grace, tears are inevitable. i am reminded through the Bible, prayer, and songs. the reason for this is because those three things are Gospel-centered. when i remember Christ, i cry thankful tears.


i wish i could cry everyday. i wish i could remember the depths of my sins, but even the greaters depths of God's love...daily. but i guess even these things are not possible in the sinful nature. we are indeed a creation that is prone to forget. if you ever see me crying, praise God because it is just another moment where God is reminding me of what i always forget...

the mistakes I've made
that caused pain
I could have done without
all my selfish thought
all my pride
the things I hide
you have forgot about
they're all behind you
they'll never find you
they're on the ocean floor
your sins are forgotten
they're on the bottom
of the ocean floor
my misdeeds
all my greed
all the things that haunt me now
they're not a pretty sight to see
but they're wiped away
by a mighty, mighty wave
a mighty, mighty wave
your sins are erased
and they are no more
they're out on the ocean floor
take them away
to return no more
take them away
to the ocean floor

these words made me cry today.

Thought of the Day: "Big-Stylez Eddie"
Song of the Day: Audio Adrenaline-Ocean Floor

i think i'm stressed out about finals. last night, i kept tossing in my sleep and whenever i kept waking up, i'd always have the words, "dorsolateral" and "ventromedial" stuck in my head. but for sure, i know i'm not alone on this one. today, i went to psych final review (my first one ever!) and there were a gang of students. during the session, people were so impatient and desperate for help with the study guide. everyone kept interrupting each other and you'd hear people sighing and grunting about different questions and comments. like the girl next to me was the worst. i can't tell you how many "oh my god!"'s and "you should know that!"'s i heard from her. she wouldn't yell or anything but she'd whisper really loud, you know? haha. it was so funny cause this old lady in our class is notorious for asking alotta no-brainer questions and blurting out wrong answers out of no where in lecture. well today, since it was a final review, she was going all crazy and so many students would yell across the room, "can we move on?!" =D the girl next to me was dying. i really really felt sorry for the TA today.

but yeah, this is definitely one of the hardest courses i've ever taken. cognitive neuroscience. upper division is really difficult. man, today's final review was so intense. but i do find comfort in the fact that i'm not alone with the anxiety.

last night:

got the other eugene to shoot pool with me for 2 hours but couldn't get him to watch Poolhall Junkies with me.

today:

failed to get to him shoot pool again.

i think God wants me to study tonight.

Thought of the Day: Can we move on?
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-All My Life

well, it's finals week again. one final tomorrow and three on thursday. i'm usually the diligent type when it comes to studying. i'll get all my stuff done when i have to and make myself study at school when necessary. BUT! when it comes to finals week, i'm a totally different person. it's like transforming from Hyde to Dr. Jekyll. i like to use finals week as a time to catch up on anime and movies or blog a lil more than i usually do. on top of that, i like to distract others who are trying to concentrate with their stressful studies. i'll do whatever it takes to get the job done. studying is always a last resort. explanation? i don't have one either.

so far today...

1. finished Samurai Champloo.
2. started Bleach.
3. grocery shopping.
4. finished wrapping x-mas gifts.
5. convinced the other eugene to watch Interview With A Vampire with me in 30 min.

anthropology can definitely wait.

Thought of the Day: Shameful.
Song of the Day: Celine Dion-O Holy Night

Looney Tunes had a few cartoons where the dog or some character would be frozen blue in the snow and they'd be taken to a fireplace to warm up. their body would go from an icy blue to a warm red-ish orange color as if all of the cold was melting away. that's how i feel whenever i take a nice hot shower these days. particularly today, my feet must have been a few degrees colder than the rest of my body cause they were melting with pain as soon as they touched the steaming water. i've really grown to hate cold weather ever since i moved down to sunny southern california. my tolerance for the cold has lowered as my body has adapted to embracing the hot hot sun. haha. it still boggles my mind how it can still be SO sunny in the month of december! (shaking head). only in california.

today after evening worship service, a few of us went out to eat at Coco's for dinner. we were talking about how so. cal people have a problem of not leaving so. cal becaue they're too comfortable with where they are. as dinkas nicely put it, "if they leave so. cal, they'll die!" it's so true how nobody likes change. cpc hung its head in sadness when pastor told us that he was leaving this month. my brother always complains about how skinny i got or how i'm so old and boring now. i stopped hanging out with many people who i used to consider my friends because they're not the same people who they used to be. change forces us to leave our comfort zones.

this past thanksgiving break, i got a chance to do a lot of talking and thinking about my future plans. it slowly dawned on me that i am already a junior in college and that i'll be graduating in less than two years. before coming to college, i had planned to go study and live in korea for a few years after graduation. well, as graduation nears closer and closer, i was thinking about my original plans of going to korea after college. the more i thought about it, the more i didn't want to follow through. i thought about all of the discomforts and struggles i'd have to face. coming back to the states would involve another difficult transition with work and finances too. besides, an unexpected masters degree in education became a very favorable option after graduation.

like i said, i did a lot of talking and thinking back at home...and i mean ALOT. basically, i've come to the decision that i am going to follow through with my Korea plan. i am going to study korean, teach english, learn the culture, and experience life in korea for at least two years. i never realized that my greatest fear this whole time was CHANGE. i am afraid of change. i am afraid of the different. i am afraid of the unknown. and b/c i feel that this fear appears much greater than it actually is, it is a fear that i am going to overcome. for the longest time, i was so blinded by the cons that i completely forgot about the pros. i have to remember that change has its value as well. there can be long-term growth and fruit from change. i am always reminded of pastor dennis' experience with going from youth group to college group. a difficult beginning that resulted in so much blessing. i am certain that he can testify.

the Looney Tunes dog went from a very cold and frozen state to a very warm and vivacious body. i may experience some painful melting, but one day i will awaken and realize that i needed that change to become alive. besides, i have nothing to lose. Romans 8:28-And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Thought of the Day: Unexpected to.
Song of the Day: O Holy Night