8:30pm-6:15am: Irvine to Chattsworth to Cupertino to other side of Cupertino to Antioch to Burlingame. i had to fill up three times. i don't think i've ever driven so much in my life. as unhealthy as it is, my car is SO faithful! God is faithful.



thanks to dinko, i've been listening to a lot of Third Day these days. i never really liked them much in high school except for maybe "God of Wonders." it isn't until recently that i started to appreciate their lyrics. that was probably the only reason why i went to the Billy Graham Crusade on saturday.

i remember when Billy Graham came to San Francisco back in '97. i was just a 7th grader and i really didn't know any better. when Billy did the altar call thing, i remember seeing almost the whole yg going down to "accept Christ." i remember just sitting at my seat not knowing what to do. later, one of my friends told me to hurry up and come down so that people could pray for me. *shrug* they gave me a book, tape, tract, and the gospel. i think along with the pressure, i went down "just in case" i wasn't saved. man, i've come a long way since then.

these days, i've been feeling really dry with reading and praying. it's been pretty burdensome for me to do quiet times even though i do them consistently. but today, i was reading through Romans 8 and was taken aback by the last verse of the chapter: "...nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." i think it's amazing how NO sin can separate us from God's love. no matter how much we abuse grace (every single day), there is nothing that can keep us away from Christ's work on the cross. like i always say, with so much sin there is always so much more grace! i'm reminded of the common expression: "once saved, always saved." freakin' profound.

just like seven years ago, Dr. Graham had the altar call and there were masses of people going down to the field. i'm sure there were many who are already saved but just lacked assurance. as discouraged as i was, i tried to look at the good things of that night. i'm sure God uses those altar calls to really bring people to Christ too. and besides, singing "Your Love Oh Lord" with Third Day and the thousands of people was really cool. there were many moments where i'd just stand there and look around the packed stadium. so many christians. so many ages. so many ethnic groups. so many different backgrounds. all praising God. just a tiny glimpse of heaven...

Revelation 7:9-10-"After this I looked and there before me was a great mulititude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: "Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.""

Thought of the Day: Starting over.
Song of the Day: Third Day-Thief

The Story of Phykas and Dinkas...





it still boggles my mind today. dinko and i are friends. how did this happen? i mean, the two of us weren't too fond of each other in the beginning. i really didn't have a good first impression of him. during friday night bible studies, i'd always think to myself: who is that guy? why does he talk so much? who does he think he is?

it made me really upset how he never greeted me either. i was also shocked when i found out that he was a freshmen just like me. but he talks so openly and so much in front of everyone! freshmen don't act like that! who does he think he is?!

i'd always hear about how he used to be some gangster too. he used to be some badboy but he was different now. i totally couldn't see it. he was just some annoying guy with a dumb nickname to me. but thinking about it now, i think our pasts actually brought us together. at the time, if there was one person who i felt could relate to me, it was dinkas. pretty sad huh? i was really desperate for ANY kind of accountability...and lo and behold, God led me to dinky-winky.

we're really different, him and i. as zenia likes to put it, he's Scarface and i'm Amadeus. he's more ghetto. i'm more koreanized. he snores. i wear earplugs. he takes forever to eat. i'm done in 5 min. he's small. i'm tall. he sins. i'm holy. just kidding.

isn't it crazy how two opposites can come together and become chingoos? only the fellowship of Christ can do that.

Pretzelboi96 (6:53:59 PM): man, this was just a good weekend
Pretzelboi96 (6:54:02 PM): good lovefest
Pretzelboi96 (6:54:05 PM): and good Sunday
Pretzelboi96 (6:54:12 PM): what more can anyone POSSIBLY ask for?
dinko816 (6:57:02 PM): heaven
dinko816 (6:57:05 PM): that's about it

Thought of the Day: Stupid auditory pathway!
Song of the Day: Third Day-Blind

half way into tuturing, jin wanted to show me a "funny" video. turned out that he actually meant a "fun" video cause with the whole korean translation blah blah blah. so he's into this japanese thing called, Pride. it's like Ultimate Fighting Championship but more sporty. a lot less chaotic and wild but nonetheless crazy violent. so we're watching this thing and he's explaining to me in his broken english how it's really big in japan and how certain fighters are better than others. as inhumane as it was, i have to admit that it was some entertaining crap.

i remember this one specific fight though. the first guy was this crazy, buff, mean-looking guy who was all pumped up and screaming at the audience. the second guy was this out of shape, nonchalant fellow who just lazily rose his hand at the crowd. just looking at the two, anyone would've put money on the first guy. the contrast was just so great. but 15 sec. into it, the second guy just punches the first guy in the face and he gets knocked out! and just like that, the guy who looked like a loser ended up becoming the winner. it's crazy when you see these fools who've been fighting each other for like 30 min., shaking hands and hugging each other after the fight.

is it wrong for two people to fight each other even if it's just for sport? people are entertained. champions are paid. fighters stay friends. is it still wrong if one commits violent acts w/o a sinful heart? isn't the heart the real issue anyways? is it wrong for me to enjoy watching these tournaments? haha. funny how they call it "Pride." i can't wait til the Dec. 31st Championship!

Thought of the Day: Pray.
Song of the Day: Relient K-Sadie Hawkins Dance

dago and fergman lovefested really hard last night. running on 3.5 hours of sleep.

Thought of the Day: Edu's free.
Song of the Day: Creed-One Last Breath

i went down to do my laundry but all of the machines were taken. actually, a lot of them were already done but people weren't taking their clothes out. so i waited for about 5 min., got too impatient, and left. on my way out, i saw a girl carrying her heavy laundry load to the laundry room. "SUCKER!" i thought to myself. well, i waited for another 10-15 min. and went back to see if any of the machines were available. when i walked into the room, the same girl was putting her clothes into two of the machines and another lady with a kid told me that she was going to use up the remaining four and wait for another one. who's the sucker now, right?

i carried my basket back to my apt and i've been sitting on my butt ever since. today is supposed to be one of those productive days-get my laundry done and get a GOOD amount of studying done before i take off for cerritos. (shaking head). not gonna happen.

so i was looking through some of the movies on my computer and started watching some clips of Jerry Maguire. man, this was when Renee Zellweger was pretty attractive. i really liked her look and her character in the movie. however, i feel like she just progressively got uglier and uglier after this movie.

she went from...



to...



see what i mean?

and then i was reminded of my favorite actress, Nicole Kidman. not only is she a talented actress but i felt that she was one of the better looking ones in Hollywood. however, she too went from Batman Forever...



to Stepford Wives...



if you look carefully, you can tell that she's getting older by the small wrinkles in her face. but what blew my mind was when i saw her face on tv. Botox ahoy! her face looked so stiff that she didn't even have any wrinkles when she smiled. really awkward...in fact, uglier.

today, we live in a society where beauty is demanding. i think it's really distracting for girls AND guys. girls are pressured to look "beautiful" and guys are in a constant fight against lusting after that "beautiful." the two only encourage each other.

not to bash on looking good or attractive. i think God intended for people to look beautiful. it's just that we either twist beauty into how society defines it or we become too infatuated with it.
Proverbs 31:30-Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
everyone's going to be ugly someday. but godliness is something we can aim to perfect until the day we die. this goes for girls AND guys.

i should go do my laundry.

Thought of the Day: Let the hearts of those seek the Lord rejoice!
Song of the Day: Notorious BIG-I Got A Story To Tell

i think xangas and blogs and aim are really interesting forms of communication. i don't know why but it had just occurred to me right now that the only way we can keep up with everyone's lives these days is to read their xangas or chat online. seriously, if you don't use your computer for like one week, you are totally MIA. you have no idea what's going on in this world and the world has no idea what's going on with you either.

i just finished my daily xanga reading for the day. so many different things going on in so many different lives. different stresses, joys, concerns, reflections, events, stories, and even pictures. it's really crazy if you think about it. i mean, imagine a world without online journals or instant messaging. imagine a world without computers. imagine if jesus had a sn and a xanga. what would his sn be? what would he blog about?

why do i think about such stupid things?

isn't it funny how God even planned these things to happen?

(shaking head). i am so random.



Thought of the Day: Regret.
Song of the Day: Jimmy Eat World-The World You Love

asian american psychology is my favorite class this quarter. our professor is this young indian american lady with a regular profession as an actual psychologist. so basically, she teaches our class as a side thing and i'm learning alot from her lectures. anyways, the only negative about this class is that it's one midterm and one final-both worth 50% of your grade (i really hate these). so i took my midterm on tuesday and did really bad on it...like really bad. it's not like i didn't study for it or anything. i just happened to study what WASN'T on the midterm. quite upsetting as you can imagine. anxiety.

i was walking to class today and as i was walking, the girl walking towards me called my name. jenny from the dorms! i found out that she was in the same class and she had actually dropped the course after bombing the midterm. so that just reminded me of how poorly i did on my test and made me feel even worse. anxiety.

before lecture even started, there was a good number of empty seats and a few students even going up to get their drop cards signed by the professor. so class starts and the professor is really quiet for a few minutes. absolute silence. then she goes...

professor: i first want to talk to you all about the midterm. many of you have come up to me and asked me about it with your anxiety attacks. i just want to remind you that there IS a curve. are there any questions?

and then students started asking different things about format this and format that and grading this and grading that. you could totally feel the discouragement in the room. i'm usually the type to finish tests early but this sucker had kept me the whole class time. i didn't even complete of one of the essay questions! apparently, i was not alone in my poor performance. it made me feel alot better cause i felt like everyone had done really well...kinda like my education midterm. =D less anxiety.

so what is my point? well, before i take any test i always ask God to remind me that test scores do not matter. what matters is the fact that i studied and that i learned. i try to remind myself that grades or gpa should not be my motivation for studying. i just have to try my best because that is what God desires of me.

on monday night, i studied pretty hard. i know i could've studied EVERYTHING but i made a decision to focus on specific things. on tuesday night, i bombed my midterm. even though i did terribly, i should have been content with my efforts. students of God, may we not only study with all of our efforts but also find joy and be content with them...even when we fail our Asian American Psychology midterm worth 50% of our grade.

bah, i'm going to be in heaven someday anyways!

Thought of the Day: Experiment for one week.
Song of the Day: Fat Boy Slim-Funk Soul Brother

two years ago from today, i woke up from a night of partying. i was reading a few of my old entries and i realized that there really was little or no mention of it. freshmen year, the months of november and december were months of depravity for me. i did alot of drinking and throwing up in the dorms. the crazy thing is that i knew i was leading a sinful lifestyle. i knew that my dormmates knew i was a christian. i knew so much but did so little to change. i remember those mornings after the parties, crying in my sinfulness as i sat reading Hebrews 12 or listening to "Worlds Apart." i've had some really broken mornings. i had never been so depressed in my life. but apparently, i loved my sin too much and i'd repeat this cycle week after week. (Romans 7).

we all have our personal sins that we struggle with. we pray our prayers of forgiveness and ask God to change us. it's tough. to change, that is. really tough.

i think that's what makes the Gospel so beautiful. it tells us that we are all dead in our sin and there is nothing we can do about it. but then there was grace. it is nothing that we do. it is only what God did. even after i write this entry, i know i will fail again in my fight of faith. i will regret sinning again. i will ask God for His forgiveness again. and i will fight and fail again and again and again.

but just as God was faithful in bringing me out of my sin two years ago, i know He will bring me out of the sins that i struggle with right now. what grace.



(man, what a "God picture").

Thought of the Day: Pejorative.
Song of the Day: Jimmy Eat World-Futures