do you ever type or write something but you all of a sudden forget how to spell that something? it could be the simplest, most easiest word that you've probably used thousands of times before. well, 2 min. ago, my word happened to be "awful." at first, i typed "aweful." then i typed "awful." then i looked at the two and they both looked funny to me. but the weird thing is, this same word has caused me the same confusion in the past....and i'm not talking about 2 or 3 years ago. i'm talking more like 2 or 3 months ago. it happens quite frequently...well, much more frequently than it should. i'm sure it has something do with long/short term memory being retarded. or perhaps, i'm the only stupid that's going insane.

so i was thinking about how i have a number of readers who read my stuff everyday. i get about 40-50 visits on my blog per day and i just started wondering-why do the people who visit this page actually visit this page? are people actually interested in my material? do people wonder what kinda stuff goes on in my life? do people just check to see if i wrote about them or not? do people just wait for my photo gallery to be updated? i mean, who are you people?! what do you want?! =D i'm just a curious sucker about my blog readers. i guess i read people's blogs for specific and mulitple reasons. for some people, i'm very interested in what goes on in their lives. others have a writing style that encourages me to read their material...funny or not. some of you may have the crappiest material but, yes i do check to see if you wrote about me or not. then of course there are the blogs/xangas that get me all interested but eventually runs out of gas and i don't have the motivation to read your stuff. *shrug* put funny pictures up or something. hehe. i'll visit if you start giving me reason to laugh everyday.

last night, the people in my dorm were drinking so i slept at dykas's place that night. gosh, words cannot describe the wrathful and malicious feelings and thoughts i was having as i left that building. more and more, i see the sinfulness and futility of nonchristians. they seek happiness in these temporary fleeting pleasures, only feeling empty after a while and just going back to it again and again. it disgusts me even more when you hear so called "christians" or "catholics" engaging in these activities as well. i mean, i know what it's like...been there, done that. possibly one of the most depressing times of my life. i think at the time, it hit me harder b/c i had already experienced true and genuine happiness that can only come from God. but anyways, being a light sleeper is a real pain for sure. if you can't sleep (especially when you gotta wake up really early the next morning), you get cranky. when you get cranky, you complain. when you complain and you get ignored, you get bitter. when you get bitter, you start getting these really bad thoughts. and with these bad thoughts, the wrong person/moment can cause you to do some things you wish you had never done. it didn't hit me til later today that i was sinning the whole time with my heart. so much anger and malice and lack of impatience. in God's eyes, i am no better than the people that i live with. such a difficult situation.

after helping out at the new church, i went to the in-reach picnic at CPE. after lunch, we played assah with like over 15 people. this was the first time playing with the older cpc people but it was really fun. dinko's "CHINGOO YAH!" and eddie's "brraaaahhhhhhh!" lol. freakin' hilarious. i'm really glad that we have cool pastor like dennis. like i was eating with charlene, mike and dennis on the ground and they started talking about the best "summertime" songs. lol. then charlene starts busting out with Warren G and dennis starts rapping with her. ahhahahahahaha. so funny. man, that's so cool how he used the "rooster dance!" as his assah symbol. ugh, all these disorganized thoughts to describe the in-reach picnic. just know that it was a nice saturday for us all. =D

after my oh-so-refreshing nap, dykas took me out to soon doobu for dinner. more than just the food, we had a good talk about our families. it's not too often that you stop and think about your family members. very interesting to see the similarities and differences in korean people. and gosh, that reminds me...we watched Marrying the Mafia on vcd cause i accidently bought the wrong one on ebay (i'm so stupid!). gosh, the actress was really really cute and that reminded me of all these other korean dramas and movies that i watch with the pretty actresses. i just think about how there are so many pretty korean girls out there in the world. so so many that are very attractive and "FIOONE!" (haha, karen). but i was thinking, dude of all those really pretty korean girls out there, there HAS TO BE one, ONE godly woman out there for me! why cannot i not any godly women that i can be attracted to physically? first of all, it's really hard to meet godly women these days to begin with. and even after meeting a godly person, what are the odds that she will be really pretty? pretty slim no? not to sound picky or anything but dang, i'm never going to get married!

random: i'm going all out on ebay these days.

Thought of the Day: I don't think they like me anymore.
Song of the Day: Nas-The Message Remix