this morning, i was just chillin' with dykas and aaron. aaron was talking about his spiritual life or something and i just shared my opinion on the matter. then dykas just butts in and tells me to shuttup, saying that i always say stupid christian things. i got a little offended and just told him that i was just giving my opinion. then we got into this whole argument and i started yelling at him about being so stubborn about the subject. i was so upset that i was even considering punching him in the face just to shut him up!

today in my psych. class, the teacher gave us this short assignment to do. i thought that it'd just be hw so i didn't think much of it. there was this indian guy who was working really hard and answered all the questions that the professor asked. then i realized that the teacher was no longer my original professor...it was this new woman! so she tells us all to turn the assignment in and i don't even understand a single thing. she gets really pissed at me and i ask her if i could just turn it in tomorrow. NO!!!

and then i wake up...

i haven't had a nightmare in a REALLY long time! the last vivid nightmare i remember having was last last thanksgiving...when i woke up believing that tiffanie died. dude, these two dreams were just BAD! after i woke up to the first dream, i was so relieved that it was just a dream. after i woke up to the second dream, i was even more relieved. i remember my heart was beating really fast b/c of all the stress coming from these unhappy thoughts. i am almost certain that i had these bad dreams b/c i went to bed feeling all stressed out about my psych. final. right now, i have a 58% in the class and i have to get a 75% to pass the course. if i get a 75% on the final, i pass the course. but yeah, that's all that's been on my thoughts these days.

so today was the last day of my writing class. i turned in my final paper and filled out some evaluation sheets. this class was one stressful mother that i hated with a passion. however, i must admit that this was the best writing class i have ever taken in my life. it's like i learned how to write for reals for the first time! gosh, i REALLY hope that i get a B in this course. if i get a B, then i don't have to take 39C, which is even harder than 39B! i can't even imagine but every person i know HATES that class. well, i've done all i can. all i can do now is wait.

last night, i went to ccm again with dykas and aaron. yesterday happened to be this "progressive dinner" thing where there's different parts of the meal at different people's houses...each grade responsible for a part. it's like a good way to get to know people b/c we all split up into smaller groups. alotta the ccm people didn't recognize me at first b/c of my short hair but they all thought it looked real nice. haha. i met esther who actually happened to be in one my discussions! it's crazy when you find out certain people are korean and christian. but what's NOT surprising is how many freakin' people are from cerritos or torrance! a whole population i tell ya. but it was cool cause i met alot more people than last time. it's kinda like how it was at cpc at first. the number of people you meet grows exponentially by the week. but yeah, it seems like this whole "phykas" thing is spreading like wildfire.

i shot in another pool tourney again. it was pretty cool cause sharon and simone actually recognized me from outside and said hi to me. haha. those two are pretty funny. every time i see sharon, she looks like a different person and the more i see simone, the more she reminds me of susan from cpc. i think that's such a cool name, simone. it's like "simon" but with an E. but it still sounds like a guy's name. *shrug* simone.

so i actually ended up getting 3rd place again. the thing was, i got to play shawn who is supposedly irvine's #1 player. that guy freakin' swept me...5-0. it was kinda embarrassing losing to him that bad. i can imagine the thoughts he must've had while playing me. argh! BUT i did get another 6 free hours at the zotzone so that was pretty cool. and omg, hideo got 1st place again! he beat shawn like pretty bad cause shawn was doing really bad tonight...even though he raped me up the butt! gosh, hideo is so good now! it's so encouraging to see one of your friends who started shooting with you as a beginner actually become an expert. yeah, hideo's awesome.

so this past week, i've been pretty dry in terms of my spiritual life. i don't know if it's b/c of all the finals coming up and whatnot. but even so, my spiritual life certainly should not rely on my academic life. too many times this has been the case. if my grades were pretty good or if my classes were pretty easy, my walk with God was "good." basically, the condition of my happiness was the condition of my grades. pretty pathetic no? i mean, of all the years i've been in school, i think this year has been the most idolatrous in terms of putting school before God. and it's like i know all of this too. i realize that i have a serious idol and i know that i have to "give it up." but how do you do that when your faith is just so low and your prayers to God are seriously meaningless? why should God listen to a prayer that is so faithless? do you see my problem? so now, i ask God to give me the faith that i lack. and even in this act, i lack faith! i have no faith that God would give me faith. i suppose i need to be disciplined and humbled. the way things look right now, it's my only solution. and the way things look right now, the best way to humble me would probably be for me to fail my psych. class. boy do i feel so discouraged.

Thought of the Day: Bad morning.
Song of the Day: Beastie Boys-Body Movin' Fatboy Slim Mix