i had a really crappy week. i got very little sleep with so much work to do every night after a 10 hour work day. by the end of the week, i was absolutely drained and discouraged (you could ask Priscilla and Grace). on the subway, i was thinking about how much i hate my job and how much i regretted getting into this hakwon business. hakwon is so hard. i mean, when you break the job down into what you do every hour including prep work, it really doesn't seem so bad. i think much of the hardship lies in the emotional stress and strain you go through throughout the whole day. some kids are professional lifesuckers. they are trained in the art of belittlement and fickleness. it is truly their way or the highway. unfortunately, the highway isn't much of an option for me as of right now.

i often forget how i'm called to be something greater than a mere hakwon teacher. i do not merely teach English or motivate students to study diligently in a competitive society. i am a christian. i am a child of God who has received salvation purely by grace alone. i am called to share a special love that i never deserved. i am supposed to be joyful because i have a greater gift than any happiness that a nonchristian will ever have. i ought to smile despite false accusations and persecutions. i am to rejoice in my perpetual sufferings. i fail miserably in all of these areas. F-. i suck at following Christ.

the Lord is continually bringing this humbled servant on his knees. He purposely puts me in situations that no one will ever be able to comprehend or relate to. i receive very little empathy. i do not get the right encouragement. you can throw sympathy out the window. i am sad and angry. i can look to no one but God. i am enduring hardship. the Lord will bring a harvest of righteousness and peace as He promised in Hebrews 12 (continually my favorite passage in the Bible). if Paul could rejoice in chains, and if Job could praise God after losing everything, then surely i should be able to find joy in the Lord as well. God, teach me to love my job!

p.s.-thank you, Pastor Dennis, for keeping me alive out here.

Thought of the Day: Praying with Jesus.
Song of the Day: I Love You Lord