another thanksgiving has passed me by. although my family doesn't really celebrate thanksgiving, i was still reminded of what i should be grateful for. the drive up home was a very long drive. i took off from irvine at 1:30pm and arrived home the next day at 1am (don't worry, i'll explain). but i had jennifer moon and jane yu to keep me company...

jennifer moon is a 1st year at irvine. we both went to high school together but never talked until this year. i know her through her brother, chris moon, who happens to be one of my brother's friends. jennifer is a fob. i think the only time i talked to her in high school was when i asked her to help me out with my bio grade since she was the TA for my class. at one point, i had the highest grade in the class, a much too obvious 94%. she didn't talk much after we picked up jane.

jane yu is a 1st year at la. she too went to high school with me but we never talked until last year? (and this was just a little). well, i remember hearing about how she used to be a devout christian until she started having doubts about her faith. she is currently an "agnostic." anyways, she asked me for a ride a while ago and i remember anticipating a huge theological debate on the validity of christianity since we'd be driving up together. a few things that were unexpected:
1. she talks alot. at first, i was scared that she'd be an annoying chatterbox that i'd have to pretend to be listening to. she actually turned out to be a chatterbox that had many interesting thoughts. i enjoyed everything that she shared.
2. our debate began as soon as we hit the 101. nothing hostile or unclear. everything was straightforward and understood. a pleasant discussion if you will.
3. conclusion: jane is a very analytical person. i feel like i get along with her quite well.

...as i was saying, i arrived home at 1am. whenever i drive up north from irvine, i only have to fill up once before i take off cause i can make it the whole way without stopping. unfortunately, i hadn't taken into consideration that i had stopped twice...once for bathroom break (weaksauce girls) and another time for In N' Out. these few extra driven miles caused my car to run out of gas at Dore Ave (right in b/w San Mateo and Burlingame). fudge right? i call my mom at 11:45. she takes a good 45 min. to arrive at the scene (never EVER assume your mom understands your directions), it takes me another 30 min. just to get to a gas station, buy a gasoline container, attempt to fill it up, drive to another gas station (after failing the first time), learn how to fill the container with fuel, and finally drive back to my car and pour the goods. however, i learned a few things from this FREEZING experience:

1. even motels near burlingame look like crap.
2. if the gas light turns on, it doesn't hurt to get off the freeway and put some more gas in...even if you're 5 stupid miles away from your destination.
3. you need to PUSH the gas pump into the container or else the gas won't come out.
4. i learned how to pour (not pump) gas into my car.
5. i think gas is cheaper up north.

some people have to learn the hard way. just learn from my words so you don't have to be one of those people.


and going even further back to my original point: so i was talking with jane about the condemned and the elect. i could see that everything that i was talking about, she totally understood every word. she had heard it many times before and she was hearing it again. i realized that God had chosen to reveal so many of His truths to me while hiding them from jane. we could both read God's word but the difference b/w us is acceptance. everything that i understand and believe to be true is only possible by God's grace. i find it hitting me harder and harder every time i discuss theology with people. everything that makes sense and everything that i can enjoy and delight in is only possible by God's grace. a gift from God. something that i do not deserve. while i pity those who are not as fortunate as i am, at the same time i am compelled to give thanks to my gracious Lord. i have everything b/c of grace. i know everything b/c of grace. i am saved b/c of grace. Thanksgiving. i give thanks b/c of God's grace.

well, it's that time of the year again. christmas shopping. time to bust out that list of people who you're going to shop for. you go through all your friends and see who deserves the 20 dollar gift or the "i'm sorry i couldn't get you anything" x-mas card. man, i remember my senior year in high school, i had like a list of 20 people! i think every year, i spend about $500 on x-mas gifts. but today, i was doing my budgeting and realized that i am only going to spend about $300 this year (interpretation: i have less friends this year). but one thing that i hate is that i never get anything i REALLY want for x-mas. i feel like i get people the best gifts that they could ever want...wonderful and useful gifts! but all i ever get is a gift chosen out of obligation. *breaks window* yeahyeah, it's not about receiving. it's all about giving right? well i got news for ya...if you ever say that to me in person, don't expect a gift coming from ME this year!

p.s.-i want keira knightly for x-mas. *thumbs up*

Thought of the Day: Simon's super sick!
Song of the Day: Beethoven-Moonlight Sonata 3rd Movement

the brother's face continues to increase in volume and the best friend hasn't quit smoking nor stopped growing his hair...

the wedding was really nice. man, all i heard from people was, "you lost a lot of weight!" alrite, so i guess i was a fatso the whole time then, right? =D anyways, the wedding was really good. i don't think i've ever seen chang so happy. the whole time, that guy was just cheesing the biggest grin. seeing him up there made me SO happy for him that i swear i wanted to cry. now i understand why people cry at weddings. you're just overwhelmed with so much happiness for them that you just wanna bawl. it would have been a ridiculous site if i started crying. haha. *ahem*

just as predicted, the food was awesome. i hate it when there's so many good things to eat that you never get a good balance of everything. i'd have like pounds of veggies with like 2 pieces of meat. 6 california rolls and one salmon thing. haha. but i ate to my stomach's content, especially since they had dduk. i haven't had that stuff in the longest time. that's one of the things i miss about my old churches cause they always used to have dduk. fudge, i gotta stop remembering last night's meal cause i'm starting to get sad again. *tears* i'm so hungry.

"love never fails...chang never fails." ahahhahahahahaha.

i think it's funny how everytime i meet up with justin, we always have to include somewhere in our retarded conversation the reason why our friendship is so different from everyone else's. the whole "we are SO different yet we remain friends for so many years." it's almost like our relationship is inevitable. "fate" or "destiny" as olivia would put it. i never thought i could be friends with such a sinful guy.

lol. joe meets justin last night and...

joe: dang philly! nice jacket!
me: oh, that's justin's.
joe: oh really? can i try it on? (puts it on as he's asking. walks over to the mirror and takes out justin's cell phone and checks himself out).
me: ahahhahhhhaha.

at the arc...

joe: (talking about japanese people). oh you see that guy? he's a samurai too!
me: ahhahahaaahah.
joe: oh my, look at that guy! he looks like wifebeater! he is so going to beat his wife. (does an ugly face).
me: ahahahhahahah.
joe: dude, i should stop making fun of people and evanglize to him. like when we're resting, "hey buddy, you're going to hell...oh, you're saved? you sure don't look like it."
me: ahhahahahaha.

that guy is the funniest when he's talking about people. he always does this thing where he gives random strangers differnt nicknames. ahahahhahaha.

Thought of the Day: *crush*
Song of the Day: Killer Mike-Adidas

fudge. i can't believe this week is finally over. i really feel like everyone was hating 8th week b/c of midterms, papers, or in my case...BOTH! but by the grace of God, i can once again breathe and smile w/o worries. right now, my eyes are open but they don't see. i hear things but my ears don't listen. you know you had a very long week when you FEEL like you've been pulled an all-nighters when you really didn't. "together we sing. everyone sing, "Holy is the Lord, God Almighty."" amen.

i don't have enough time, energy, or desire to reflect on this past week so let's just do the list...

1. so much ball. i loved/needed it.
2. film studies paper-one of the worst papers i've ever written in my life.
3. april & zenia-fun times. fishhead, jjot, boba. fun times.
4. cramming for math midterm with eddie. so out of it.
5. taking the math midterm. even worse than the cramming.

things i'm looking forward to it...

1. in a few hours, i'll be seeing my best friend, bingsoo.
2. a few hours after that, i shall be in my brother's physical presence. i missed him alot.
3. flytothelimits (5:56:09 PM): 2 long months.
no feelings here.
4. chang's wedding. enough said.

Thought of the Day: It is finished.
Song of the Day: YSJ-Gawi

i just read my Nov. 17, 2002 blog entry from last year. thinking back, exactly one year ago i was SO not the same person i am today. one year ago, i was just struggling alot spiritually. so much indulgence and sin. i think i was at a state so low that even if i could go back in time and talk to the old phil, he still wouldn't listen to me. a very hard-heartened, discouraged, and sad person i was. i never would have thought i could be capable of such wickedness. but i do believe that even in my rebellious acts, God was/is sovereign. He can even use sin to ultimately bring glory to Himself. now that i think back, if i hadn't experienced those times of struggle, i wouldn't be able to give effective advice to friends of mine who are struggling with the similar things. i would not have become friends with alot of my dormmates who i try to evangelize to today. if i hadn't experienced those difficult times, i wouldn't be sitting here on my computer, reminicising the past and praising God for His love and grace. but it all goes back to Romans 5:20-21-6:1-2-"The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through rightesouness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" Amen.

today at outreach, we had more volunteers for tutoring come out! i find it so encouraging to see more and more people join me in my misery. i mean if carol took me down, i'm going to take others with me! haha, JUST kidding! but really, not only is it alot easier on the rest of the teachers, but it's just so nice to see more hearts that are willing to serve. i think Pastor Andy made a very good point before we started our tutoring session today. he reminded everyone about 1 Cor. 10:31 (one my favorites)-"Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." he explained how whenever we become miserable or stressed out in ANYTHING that we do, we have totally lost focus of why we are doing what we are doing. if your motives have become so man-centered and independent of God, you are totally going to burn out and just be hating it. but whenever you have the mentality of doing it for God's glory, your deeds and actions become so much more meaningful. the end results are more rewarding, but most of all it pleases God. reader, whether you have that sucky job that barely pays over minimum wage or you have that math midterm to study for even though you are certain that you'll never see those equations ever again, whether you have to make some stupid collage that has nothing to do with English or you have to go to work while everyone else is watching that movie that just came out, think about WHY you are doing it. is merely just to make money or pass the class with a certain grade? is it merely just to accomplish the assignment or to keep yourself from being fired? May It Be SOLI DEO GLORIA.

for some reason, i've been hearing much about the topic of demon possession this year. we've all had those talks where we've heard about some guy who heard about some girl who was possessed by a demon or some garbage like that. now, i'm not bashing on the existence of demons or even the possibility of a demon entering a person's body. it is clear in the Bible that demons really do exist and that they have disturbed people in the past. i've even heard about people that I KNOW IN REAL LIFE who have had past experiences with hearing disturbing voices in their head...really scary stuff. when we all talk about these things, everyone gets all scared b/c of the thought of being possessed by a demon. i just think that it's really unimportant and not worth being afraid of. once again, i am not bashing on the reality of demons but i just think that it's nothing to pee in your pants about. i mean if you're a child of God, you have nothing to fear. you should be more concerned about living a life that is pleasing to God rather than worrying about some evil spirit randomly entering you someday. haha, it always goes back to Romans (8:38)-"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neigher angels nor demons , neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be albe to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." i may not be able to explain anything about demons, but i do know that it will never be able to separate me from God.

hmmmm, all i seem to be thinking about is how everything relates and goes back to God. i suppose that's a good thing...but now for at least one stupid thought.

i was doing my math hw earlier tonight and i felt really gross from eating a corndog. all of that oil and fat concentrated in that small piece of food. you know when you eat really greasy food, your face gets all oily and disgusting? well as i was thinking about this, i realized that i hadn't gotten a pimple in a LONG time! i remember back in high school, i'd get a new one as SOON as i had finished healing an old one. i would never ever have a clear face that was devoid of acne. i mean, don't get me wrong...i was no pizza face. my parents both have very decent skin so my face didn't explode or anything in my adolescent years. but i just thought it was cool how i hadn't had a pimple in SUCH a long time! i mean, we have those tiny baby ones around our foreheads that no one can see, but those don't really count. i'm talking about REAL pimples! those hill monsters that must be digged out carefully. the worst ones are the ones that grow on your nose. fudge, i hate them so much i'm not going to even bother to write about them.

Thought of the Day: Danny's mom has got it goin' on!
Song of the Day: Praise Team-Holy Is The Lord

my brother's xanga entry:

it was 7:50 and i just arrived school. i was just doing my usual thing: go to my locker, drops some stuff off or pick some stuff up and go chill with my friends before going to class. so while i was at my locker, there were these two girls. they were both cute too. so i was just taking some stuff out of my back pack and i over hear their conversation:

Girl 1: dang, i don't know who i'm going to hc with!

Girl 2: well he IS kinda hot, unless you think he's too fat.

Me: i'm not fat! i'm just chubby ok?!?!?!

Girl 2: huh? what are you talking about? who're you?

and i quickly closed my locker and left.


my brother makes me so proud.

i weigh 140 pounds. tapeworms.

Thought of the Day: D.
Song of the Day: 2pac & Biggie-Runnin' (Uncensored)

i watched Love Actually with carol and janet on friday. this movie has finally confirmed everything...kiera knightly is the prettiest girl in the whole world. you know the girl is pretty when you stop paying attention to plot and sound b/c all your senses are inevitably concentrated on that beautiful face. man, she had the perfect hairstyle too...BANGS! i LOVE girls with bangs. i seriously do not understand why girls these days do not have bangs! i'm not talking about those short baby wimpy bangs. i'm talking about long strands that go past the chin! yes reader, i've always found it so attractive on girls. but i suppose the rarity of the hairstyle also adds to the attraction. we all like what is uncommon no? yeah, i'm gonna make my wife have pretty bangs...even if it means divorce. but before i go off topic, i must add that kiera knightly also has a wonderful english accent. i love it i love it i love her! if i ever find out that she's a reformed calvinistic woman of God, i'm packing my bags and moving to england.

Thought of the Day: Too many compliments for one day.
Song of the Day: Billy Mack-Christmas Is All Around

you know, i've visited my blogger page alot of times but i never ended up writing anything. too many distracting conversations all tiring me out for the day (you hear me, carol?).

in my film studies class, the professor shows us short clips of different movies to give us examples of the many concepts she goes over in lecture. this freakin' lady is seriously the biggest teaser! she'll show us like the most interesting movies for like 2 min. and RIGHT when we're about to hit the climax, the pause button is hit, the lights turn back on, and out come the AWWWWWWWs. it makes me so angry b/c these clips are from movies that i've never even heard of! they're fun to watch as a class, but not fun enough to go out and rent on your own. there are even times where she'll just tell us the ending to the movie "just because." F! however, i am still continuing to enjoy this class very much along with my fellow classmates. someday, i'm going to tackle the professor and undo the pause. oh i can hear the applause already. =D

another class i'm taking this quarter is beginning calculus. with math, i was never an A student, but i really appreciate the material. i think it's so amazing how many formulas and theorems are all so organized and work out together. this awesome design and order of numbers in this language we call math...there is no way man could have come up with such a thing. the ideas and theories behind it all is just a glimpse of God's awesomeness.

but speaking of math, don't you just love it when you solve the most difficult problems? you know those crazy word problems (we all hate those stupid word problems) that give you "The Givens" and you have to find "The Unknowns." you have to figure out which formula or equation will work and you struggle with all those inconvenient numbers (why do we have a number like "pie?"). but in the end, we write out that long ugly number and check in the answer book. *gasp* "i got it right! problem #1 done. 50 more to go." but seriously, isn't that like the greatest feeling? it's freakin' rewarding! i think that's one thing i like about math...

another subject that is really rewarding is writing. writing takes up a grip of your time with all that reading and editing and dictionary and thesaurus and office hours. so much time and effort. so much thought and emotion. but when you get that paper back from the professor and see an unexpected A, you are so happy! you almost convince yourself that all those hours were so worth it...almost. yeah, writing is also definitely a rewarding subject. hmmmm, why am i talking about these things?

the other day, me, dykas, and sean went to garden grove to go watch Matrix. "i'm sorry, we're not showing today. it opens tomorrow." then why do you have showtimes on the internet? why do you have the words, "The Matrix" up on your list of movies outside? we had to do SOMETHING for coming all the way to garden grove, so we watched Scary Movie 3. yeap, just as bad as the first two. but you know what? now that i think about it, i think i actually enjoyed this movie more than Matrix Revolutions, which i just saw a few hours ago. ok here it comes...if you don't like hearing critique, particularly from me, right now would be a good time to just skip to the next paragraph. i HATED Matrix Revolutions. right after the movie ended, i couldn't believe how bad it was that i started laughing by myself. i couldn't believe how bad that movie was. to be honest, i think this was one of the worst movies i've ever seen in my life. HARSH i sound right now! not enough fight scenes. the few fight scenes were weak. just a bad bad ending. those clever matrix producers stealing all of our money. a sharp contrast with aaron...

aaron: what'd you think?
me: (trying to be nice). i thought it was ok.
aaron: just ok?
me: did you like it?
aaron: i loved it!
me: (smile).
aaron: the ending was GREAT!
me: (fake smile).

well on the bright side, if you haven't seen the movie yet, you'll be going in with pretty low expectations if you took my words seriously. hopefully, you'll enjoy it much more than i did b/c i honestly believe that out of everyone who's seen it so far, i feel the most indignation. i'm actually happy for people like aaron and in many ways, i wish i could just simply enjoy many movies like him. i think when it comes to movies, i am just one fastidious bastard...well, at least i always share the same opinion with my brother.

today, dykas and i had the girlfriend talk. we both promised each other that we'd have at least one girlfriend before Nov. 5, 2005. we both agreed that if we did not hold to this pact, it meant that we would not get married and we'll probably end up devoting our lives to the missions field. lol.

alrite, i'm done digesting Carl's Jr. i think i can put the body to rest now.

Thought of the Day: "Brrrreeeuuuuhhh!"
Song of the Day: WC-Gangsta Nation

crawford sucks at driving.

chilloween...

so much better than i expected. a very good turnout in numbers and the food was excellent. man, dennis' new place is really nice...you can definitely imagine having x-mas sleepovers at that place. me gusta! oh when i was looking through his rooms, i spotted his bookshelf of theological books. ANY yg student who saw what i saw would automatically be reminded of chang. lol. lots of singing, laughing, charades, and punishments. rain was another thumbs up. that stinkin' piece of ash, i mean my car really needed a good shower of rain. man, i hadn't seen a nice pouring of rain in a while. it was so refreshing! i think of all the halloweens, this was my favorite one. "HEY, everyone listen up!" lol.

outreach...

my student's name is Michiyoshi. he's a 6th grader from Japan...like RIGHT off the boat. anyways, he's a really bright student, especially in "maass" (math). before i started tutoring him, dan song was his teacher and apparently he was very cool with him. everytime we have a break, michiyoshi draws a picture of any ugly person, draws and arrow with the word, "YOU" and airplanes it dan song's head. lol. cracks me up everytime...

dan: what're you teaching your student?
me: ahahahahahhaha.

but i think it's great how we're using our new building for reaching out to the community. however, i think it'd be greater if we had some more willing hearts to volunteer and put this building to better use. ideally, we're supposed to have one teacher per student. right now, it's like less than 10 teachers with 20 students? if you're busy with alotta stuff, i totally understand. but if you can sacrifice your saturday sleepins to help us out, that'd be awesome (Romans 12:1).

no studying vs. spending too much money...

i ate dongchimee with carol again. i think it's one of my favorite things to eat now...nengmyun and bulgogi were so meant to be together.

i didn't get to study b/c too many people came to visit irvine.
result: Brother Bear with mariela, crawford, carol, and simon (more money) and in n out afterwards (more more more!).
result's result: in approximately 1 hour, i will start my arduous journey of books and flash cards until my 1pm class tomorrow. i haven't crammed in a long time so i'm gonna be a little rusty tonight.

i am a sinner. i need grace everyday.

Thought of the Day: 1 Cor. 12:7-10
Song of the Day: Give You My World Album