i slept too much on saturday. 11 hours at night and 2 hours during the day. our bodies were not meant to be dormant for more than half a day. i am punished with insomnia on this early sunday morning.

as i was tossing and turning in my bed, i started thinking about the new freshmen of this year. i've been trying to give alotta advice to the new students and encourage them to do things differently from my past. but i've come to realize that i sound just like any other old guy who told me the same things right before i became a freshmen. you listen to what they have to say, you nod your head, and try to understand just what the heck they were talking about. the truth is, you're not going to understand what i was talking about until you've actually experienced it...and boy are they going to experience alot

-the lonely first two weeks
-dorm food, meal after meal
-visiting home and feeling really different (this does not apply to deprived Cerritos residents)
-getting lost on campus
-cramming like you've never crammed before
-meeting hundreds of people and being asked where you're from and what your major is
-LOVING dormlife
-HATING dormlife
-using your feet as your main source of transportation
-late night foodruns
-homesickness

i remember dave and i were talking about different transitions that we make in life. we both agreed that the transition from high school senior year to college freshmen year is a HUGE step. when you take a high school senior and a college freshmen, you have two people on different planets. you just experience so much in that first year. man, you're either going to fall hard or grow hard.

so enough about them and more about ME! i am now a sophomore in college. i feel like i've become so much more independent in these past few months. as i was eating dinner by myself today, i thought about how i'm doing a pretty good job of taking care of myself. i really feel like i can live in this so called world and really manage ok. i've had plenty of work experience. i can go to the market and cook my own meals. i even know how to pay my own bills. if i am lacking something, i know how to meet the need. if there is a problem, i will be able to find a solution. look at me mom, i'm all growed up!

Philippians 2:12-13- Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

i was sitting for a while and just thinking about my spiritual life these days. all i could think of was SINNER. this idea of having an attitude of "fear and trembling," is really incredible. this God that we serve and love and pray to...how often do we come before Him in fear and trembling? our omnipotent and sovereign God that we are to revere, do we really fear Him? i was reviewing tomorrow's Bible study and read through the first two chapters of Judges.

Judges 2:4- When the angel of the Lord had spoken these things to all the Israelites, the people wept aloud

seriously, the only times that i will fear God is when He disciplines me and i am humbled. it's like my sinful nature will not allow me to have this fear and love for God unless i am broken. WHY?! i mean, we're called to live these holy lives with holy attitudes and i can't do it. i'm just so dry and i try and try but i just cannot. so i continue to sit and stare and continue thinking to myself, SINNER. i read and pray and i feel like i can only ask God to break me so that i would live a more obedient life that is pleasing to Him.

but i suppose i keep forgetting the second part of the verse in Philippians: "for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." it is God who works in me and not myself. it is only by HIM that i can have an attitude of fear and trembling. our God is a God of grace. i cannot forget that. it is only by his grace that we can do all things.

Philippians 1:6- that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until th day of Christ Jesus.

praise God.

Thought of the Day: Grace.
Song of the Day: David Crowder-Deliver Me