ok, this really sucks. right now, it's 3 in the morning and i can't fall asleep. i have to wake up in 4 hours, i'm really tired, but i just CANNOT fall asleep! *yawn* and when i look at my blog, none of my stuff gets posted. but when you look at the archives, everything is being posted up! everyone else's stupid blog works except mine!

last night, i went to my clusters group and had a pretty good time. every single guy showed up except for jay. including old phil chung, that's 10 people! this is definitely no small group. (no pun intended). but it was good seeing everyone again. i haven't been to clusters since early december? anyways, we went over chapter 3 in our book, The Pursuit of God. man, AW TOZER is da man! i like the his writing style...short but DENSE material! we learned about different veils that we put in our hearts. you know, like barriers that keep us from going to God. so i was thinking about this and i realized that i've had veils in my heart in almost every moment of my life. BUT! i also realized that the times i did not have any veils (super duper rare), i was completely content. it was like life was cake. everything was good. every experience and sensation was like a blessing. so we had a good discussion after we read the chapter...

eugene: JESUS!

you can never go wrong with that answer. lol.

but speaking of veils, i think i finally realized i have a gambling problem. you see, i started to play blackjack with minh for a few quarters just for fun once in while. but little by little, occassional gambling became daily. 50 cent bets became 5 dollar bets. starting off with $1.25 became starting off with $10. last night, i won a grip of money from minh and willburt b/c i was seriously on! but tonight was not such a good night. let's just say, i lost enough money to realize that i have a gambling problem. this "fun" has become an idol. i looked at myself and i definitely saw all of the symptoms. i couldn't help but wonder...how did i get like this?! that sneaky bastard we call Satan really knows how to mess with us. but we can't always blame that idiot. we are responsible for our actions. anyways, as a result of tonight's losses, i have decided to give up gambling...even if it's just for a few quarters or bucks. i need some time off until i feel mature enough to "have fun" moderately. man, i've been giving up alotta things in my life recently.

Thought of the Day: No snowboarding. Sorry.
Song of the Day: Jack Johnson-Flake