Chronic

Urticaria. You learn all these obscure medical terms when you do desperate Google searches for causes and treatments for health-related issues. My health-related issue has not been hives; it’s been CHRONIC hives. Hives may last for hours or even days. Chronic hives will last for months! To be fair, I will hit three weeks tomorrow, but I have confidently self-diagnosed myself after a little detective work that unveiled a delayed reaction to a Covid booster, this year and last. If my condition is anything like the previous year, I still have about four more months to go!

Through my Google searches, I learned that the itchy welts are produced by a chemical called histamines. While our instinct may be to rub or scratch at the itch, this only spreads more histamines that appear in other areas of the body. When you don’t realize that you are simply energizing a histamine factory, especially on Day 1, you look like someone splashed a bucket of red on you. Who knew that even your palms could get so itchy!

I couldn’t help but notice that having hives has a lot of parallels to our sinful state. Sin promises a false hope and joy that only leads to death. Scratching at my hives also has its promises of relief but only for a moment! I hate how I know both to be deeply true yet still forget and pursue death. I don’t know if church or spiritual disciplines are like antihistamines, but I do know that I certainly would not like to live without them, however imperfect they may be. But in these particularly uncomfortable days, I can’t wait till I am off the meds, feeling closer to a state of glory!

Stay away from Moderna if you want to avoid risking having my experience.

Thought of the Day: NBA

Song of the Day: Oasis-Columbia

Pinkerton

I think I can confidently tell people now that Weezer is, and has been, my favorite band for years now. Last week, I revisited their lesser known second album considered to sound very dark and different from their successful blue and green albums. I listened to Pinkerton on repeat on my discman when I was in high school and immediately had adolescent nostalgia going through it again on Spotify. I never thought it was a bad album back then either, but it made me curious to Wikipedia its history and here is what I learned.

Comments on the album from the lead singer, Rivers Cuomo,...

in 1997: "This has been a tough year. It's not just that the world has said Pinkerton isn't worth a shit, but that the Blue album wasn't either. It was a fluke. It was the ["Buddy Holly"] video. I'm a shitty songwriter."

in 2001: "The most painful thing in my life these days is the cult around Pinkerton. It's just a sick album, sick in a diseased sort of way."

"It's a hideous record... It was such a hugely painful mistake that happened in front of hundreds of thousands of people and continues to happen on a grander and grander scale and just won't go away. It's like getting really drunk at a party and spilling your guts in front of everyone and feeling incredibly great and cathartic about it, and then waking up the next morning and realizing what a complete fool you made of yourself."

in 2008: "Pinkerton's great. It's super-deep, brave, and authentic. Listening to it, I can tell that I was really going for it when I wrote and recorded a lot of those songs."

in 2010: "Pinkerton has definitely taken on a life of its own and became more successful and more accepted … As an artist, you just have to do what you believe in at the time, whether it’s accepted or not. You just have to keep going with it."

"The last time we played all of those [Pinkerton] songs, they went over like a lead balloon. And I just remember that feeling of just total rejection. And then to see 5,500 people singing along to every last word through every song on the album, even the really difficult ones, was incredibly validating for me."

If you made it to the last quote, he is referring to the Memories Tour where they played Blue and Pinkerton in their entirety. I'd give my right arm to jump into a DeLorean and see that show!

Besides finding another level of appreciation for a forgotten album, parenting feels a bit like Pinkerton to me these days. The daughter is 2.6 years old and really embracing the TERRIBLE Twos, which really brings out a lot of my terrible intolerance. It feels like everything prior to this was the smooth and fun Blue album and now I'm just looking forward to reaching the "squeaky-clean" Green album. I keep telling people how depraved she is, but it's really me who is the sinner of all sinners. 

As I am in thick of it right now, I will take Cuomo's advice and "just have to do what you believe in at the time, whether it's accepted or not. You just have to keep going with it."

Thought of the Day: Listen

Song of the Day: Weezer-Tired of Sex (Tracking Rough)

I Like to Move It Move It!

It's amazing to realize that I have lived in my current apartment for more than three years. That is the longest I have lived anywhere in my adult life...and now, I am moving once again. My neighboring teacher told me that she used to move every single year but has not moved since 2013! I was so impressed with the longevity of finding a place that has no maintenance, tenant, or street issues. I mean those things are a way of life in my unit. How does one find such a place in the city of Los Angeles?

With the few posts that I write each year now, I saw that one of my "recent" ones focused on applying to jobs and awaiting decisions. This will be my second year of rejections as I am starting to believe that I was destined to live and die teaching in LA. We already have two preschools to visit in a couple of weeks as a lot of changes are coming this summer to prepare for even bigger changes in the fall. Maybe we just need to embrace the city instead of brainstorming annual escape plans.

All I know is that we are locked in for the next two years. Lots of time to win that lottery!

Who am I kidding? I've already hit the jackpot.

Thought of the Day: Cheaters

Song of the Day: The Smashing Pumpkins-Today

No Joke

The running joke on my Cambodia Team was that the age of 35 is the prime of your life. I tried to convince everyone that I had never been healthier and happier that year, which was actually true to some extent. Fast-forward about three years where I have gone into Urgent Care more times the past three months than I have in three decades. From hives to hands, foot, and mouth disease, I have grown more empathy for Job when he was going through his own physical suffering. I'm not used to taking prescription medicine or any medication for that matter; it's like I'm not 35 anymore...like I'm aging or something.

It's an interesting time to be in your mid-years. I see my parents who are essentially savoring their remaining years while my little one is exploring her new world each day. Being the middleman when everyone is together is a tricky situation because you cannot fully commit or engage with one side without sacrificing the other. It has become that much more apparent when I see how happy Naomi is to see her aunts and uncle because they give her so much more attention than I usually do. I want to be able to work, cook, and clean but still sing nursery rhymes with the Cocomelon toys too. I've heard it gets easier, but I've also heard it gets harder...and sometimes another one is on the way!

*not us, not yet anyway!

These thoughts are a bit jumbled because I just got back from my closed school where I learned that someone had jumped from one of the buildings. Similar to funerals, it's a sobering reminder to reflect on your own life and to see it for what it is and what it should be. We are all getting older and eventually moving further and further away from 35. But Paul reminds the Corinthian church that "we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day."

Thought of the Day: School Closed

Song of the Day: Ms. Rachel-I'm So Happy