"I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it."
-Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes

i never knew youth group would ever become my life. i was only supposed to "help out" by leading a bible study on Sundays. YG Friday nights were supposed to be rare for special events or testimonies. now, i will be missing my Sunday small groups (completely) so that i can attend YG worship services. i am officially a committed YG teacher. i realized that you cannot EFFECTIVELY serve in a ministry without full commitment. i have sacrificed something precious and have gained something new. i knew never knew this would happen. only God knew...and apparently, so did Terrance.

Speak to me
Tell me all the things I need to know
I want to hear you now
Can you speak to me
I've opened up your word to free me
I want to hear you now

Thought of the Day: Lost.
Song of the Day: Audio Adrenaline-Speak To Me

on wednesday, i started tutoring my new student, kyle. on friday, i gave my stupid mp3 player to the isoldit on Ebay! store. on saturday, my mom found my $50 Shell gascard at the bottom of my laundry basket. i am now ashamed to admit that i want an ipod. *bitter weeping* commodities are so stupid and those advertisements are so good at helping us forget that. i kinda promised myself that i wouldn't buy anymore toys until i earned $500 to pay back for previous expenses. 500 bucks is going to take a long time. "Cash rules everything around me. C.R.E.A.M! Get the money-dolla dolla bill y'all!"

right now, i am listening to DJ Quiksilver's "Planet Love." this is one of the first rave songs that i ever heard in my life. for some reason, a lot of rave music sounds and makes you feel this abnormal sadness. whenever i hear this song, i recall the first party i ever went to and the several events that came with it. man, what a low point in my life. although i have many regrets about that party, i can't escape the fact that God used that experience to make me a "better person." chain reaction after chain reaction. friends after friends. lessons after lessons. i didn't know it then, but i see the bigger picture now. right now, i feel so lost. i am totally uncertain of my future. i wish i could hurry and see the bigger picture right now.

Thought of the Day: Life is like a box of chocolates.
Song of the Day: Foo Fighters-Everlong

in my Chicano class, i sit right behind Julie Horner. when i told her i couldn't go to the study session, she told me she'd type out her notes and email them to me. today when i told her about the personal statement i had to write, she told me she'd send me a copy of the guidelines that she used when she had to write hers. absolutely kind. i never even asked her to do these things for me. she always offered. Julie is also always on top of things. she finishes ALL of the reading in advance and is the first one in our group to send out her notes. i can't help but wonder if she's a Christian. whether or not she is, Julie is a great example of how Christians can be a great witness through their studies and acts of kindness. i am her "secret admirer."

from time to time, i have to use the downstairs bathroom at Commons. on the way to the bathroom, there's a glass window where you can see where several Muslims hang out. more often than not, you'll catch them all sitting in a row, praying and bowing their heads to the ground. a wave of emotions rush over me whenever i see this event. anger. pity. amazement. sadness. they are truly passionate in worshiping a false god.

i had one of those running-around-talking-to-your-counselors-and-professors days today. they are very stressful. i had to wait a whole HOUR before i got to speak with Dr. C. but within that hour, i got a chance to speak with Andrew, one of the Social Science faculty members or something. i was telling him about how i wanted to go into teaching and even shared about my involvement with Artesia Outreach. through subtle messages, i figured out that he was a christian too! but after that hour, i spoke with Dr. C. and she was more than happy to write me a letter of recommendation! in fact, she called me an "excellent student!" that's three exclamation points in a row! now that's four!
after speaking with the MAT (MASTER OF ARTS IN TEACHING) program director, she encouraged me that it looked like i was on the "right track", and that i was somewhat in luck because there is a great need for male math teachers. i just need to show some transcripts, speak with a few more counselors, and my master plan for spring and summer will be on its way.

between all of these jumbles, i skipped one of my classes because i was severely late and did not have a chance to bite my lunch. as i was eating my sandwich, i had unexpected, nostalgic childhood memories of Polly Ann's Ice Cream next to the Korean market in San Francisco. Jiwon's mom always took us there to buy Now & Laters, Pop Rocks, Sour Candy, and chocolate ice cream. it's amazing how candy was such a commodity when we were young. one used to be able to barter with that stuff! what a waste of money and teeth.

clusters went to BCD for our romantic Valentine's dinner. Chinese people don't eat Korean food correctly. it's kinda like when my cousins in Korea put ketchup on their pizza. you're just not supposed to do that, man!

shortly after getting back, the irvine FRESHMEN girls surprised us with chocolate strawberries! oh my! can you they get any sweeter? i mean, those chocolate strawberries were quite the delectables! and yeah, those irvine girls were pretty kind too.

Thought of the Day: Walker, Texas Ranger.
Song of the Day: Toploader-Dancing in the Moonlight

"Human reason, being impaired by sin, is not to serve as a separate norm as over against Scripture, but rather as the servant of divine revelation in the application of biblical truth."
-John Jefferson Davis

i'm having one of those grad school/future career crises right now-so help me God.

Thought of the Day: Nil.
Song of the Day: Page-O Holy Night

yesterday was a really bad day.

i basically wasted so many emotions and hours on looking for my $50 Shell gascard that i received for my credit card points. i got it in the mail on Thursday and probably threw it away with the envelope on Friday night. that's the worst part. "PROBABLY." i don't even know if i actually threw it away or if i just misplaced it somewhere in my stupid room. i emptied my wallet, checked my trash can twice, and looked in every other ridiculous area around my desk. *sigh* so i went to the dumpster outside and asked my brother to take a brief look. he barely even tried, but i just told him to get out. "the garbage truck probably already took the trash." a few hours later, i went into the dumpster this time and did my dirty work. 30 minutes later, i found my Target bag that i used for the trash that day! the only thing was that the bag was open when i found it. when i threw it away on that cursed Friday, i had tied the bag closed. no envelope to be found anywhere.

Stockholm Syndrome was such an appropriate song.

i found driving to be very therapeutic. you can drive away from your troubles (literally) and take some time to calm down. your breathing regulates and your muscles eventually loosen up. i was truly a wreck last night. can you say Job 1:29?

if you've been praying for me lately, let me just inform you that God has answered our prayers today. tutoring is no longer dormant-i'm back! and when i'm making money, that means i'm buying more cds and dvds. no, i'm only half-kidding. after i receive my Audio Adrenaline cd, the cds are complete. thank you, God, my provider.

Thought of the Day: Nocturnal Emission.
Song of the Day: 1TYM-Dangerous

late tuesday nights always seem to be a good time to blog.





for my Latino Families class, i had to watch Real Women Have Curves with some classmates to discuss and prepare for our paper. it was really interesting hanging out with non-Koreans (non-Asians for that matter) for a change. pretty refreshing in fact. the more i interact with non-Asians/Koreans, the more i realize how close-minded and ignorant i am. sure i call myself a Korean-American, but i totally do not hang out with other ethnic groups. i really like white people. i like their "really American" accents, their sophisicated sense of humor, and their clarity of speech and thought. although i am fluent in English, i really feel like my diction sucks. Koreans all talk the same. i feel like we speak a very shallow, stupid version of English. i can't give any specific examples but you all understand what i mean, right?

ANYWAYS, the movie ended and as we were walking back to my car, there was this brief discussion about how everyone has their biases on people of different majors. arts and drama majors are weird and crazy...stuff like that. well, we, being psychology majors, had a good rant about how everyone assumes that we're always analyzing people and reading their minds. people have this covert cynicism and fear whenever they find out we study psychology. haha. i don't know. it was really funny cause it's so true! but what made this event so enjoyable for me was the fact that a Latino, a White, and a Korean guy were all sharing this special bond despite their very different backgrounds. phenotype nor culture was an issue. we simply accepted and shared that psychology student relationship. how much more beautiful will it be when Christ comes back and EVERY ethnic group shares in the same purpose and fellowship as we all worship our glorious God. "We�re colored people, and we live in a tainted place. We�re colored people, and they call us the human race. We�ve got a history so full of mistakes. And we are colored people who depend on a holy grace."-dc Talk
p.s.-when the white classmate came into my car, i turned down my rap music. haha.

over winter break, i was very uncertain about my plans on studying in Korea after graduating. i had fearful thoughts of change and transition and discomfort and regret. my decision to go was at about 50/50 during winter retreat. i asked many people to pray that God would make His will for me much clearer...sooner. this past saturday, i had a good talk with some who have already gone to Korea and even plan on going for the first time this summer. i was very encouraged with the responses. that same excitement i had last year when i first made my decision has come back to life. there are even some nights when i can't fall asleep just thinking about the future that lies ahead of me. one desire has disappeared and a dead one has resurrected. so much happened in January 2006.

my brother talks in his sleep every night.
it scares me every night.

Thought of the Day: Familismo.
Song of the Day: EPMD-Da Joint